Am I being mean? Noise dillema

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Hello all

I have an adult child with Asperger’s and he’s been invited to see a relative to play in a musical band. He is refusing to come because of the noise. Is it mean of me to try to get him to come with us. Should I just accept he can’t come?

Have a feeling I’m going to be shot down in flames here!!

Thanks for any replies.

Fizzle

Yes, it would be mean.
Yes, you should just accept it.

You are being mean. You're expecting too much from your son. You should accept the fact that he might not like loud music.

I think you're doing great.

I'd say that you should give him the opportunity to go, but don't make him feel guilty if he just doesn't feel capable of going. For me, headphones help, but when I'm having bad days, they don't help as much and I shutdown. It depends on the day for me.

I went to a band performance last year and brought my headphones, but I masked and didn't wear them. I ended up having a meltdown when I got home. Encourage him to wear headphones if he decides to come.

Again, I don't think you're being mean. You're literally asking for advice! If he decides to go or not, just be mindful of his needs. Overstimulation is brutal.

Wish you the best

YES, you ARE being mean. He had expressed this would distress him. Respect his boundaries.

You're not being mean...yet.
I find listening from the car park, or even the street can damp the overload.
Is that an option he'd think about?

You might not want to apply coercive force but rather consider that he could be invited to experiment at pushing his boundaries. We would all like to live within comfortable boundaries. However, it can be a useful skill to learn to operate outside of comfort, even if only briefly. Besides, one might find that such experimentation can expand the boundaries of what feels comfortable.

If the person is an ADULT then they can choose not to go. Period. They are still an ADULT. They should have the right to voice a reason why. Maybe honestly sit and ask why? Maybe find a middle ground, but to force to make them feel guilty is not ok in any regard. I have a lot of sensory issues with noises of different kinds, through the years i have found ways to dampen the effects of the sounds, but even so it can be draining.
Does he not want to go because he doesn't like the musical genre? The noise? Both? Is it the person they don't like? Maybe it is more then just noise and he doesn't know how to explain that.
I would take the time to get to the root of the issue first. Also as stated he is an ADULT and as an adult we can say NO without needing to provide a reason to anyone.
I find it humorous that so many adults can't handle the word NO but as a small child we got told no all the time and had to accept it. So maybe just deal with he said no, and move on? ha!

^THIS^

Thank you all for your replies and ideas/solutions. I just didn’t want to disappoint the relative who is having a tough time at the moment. It is classical music which I think he’s okay with as he plays the piano. Of course I won’t force him, it is his decision….He’s decided not to come now anyway. Again thanks for your replies.