Parenting Style

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How do you parent your child/ren.

I found it hard to be a mother because I had a neglectful mother and so I just learned from the way I saw other people parent their children. Mainly from part time fathers to be honest.

My parenting style is like that of a part time parent. I just say yes to everything and hope for the best. I know no other way.

How do you parent?

I don't know if I have a 'style'. I want to answer this question in detail but can't get my thoughts in order.

I can relate to the neglectful mother talk. I was clueless going into parenting as I had no idea what healthy parenting looked like. My mom was awful, and my dad, although nice and easy to get on with, was absent in my childhood. I guess I still am clueless. I do get on well with all my kids. I'm a crappy parent in a lot of ways though.

My ex described my parenting style as permissive. Maybe I'd agree with that. It's hard to say as he was excessively and unnecessarily strict and overbearing. I was clearly the more permissive of the two of us. I did say yest to a lot of things, but I also would only say yes to those things if the child in question was on top of their stuff. Like, in my house, if you got good grades and did some chores and had a clean (ish) room, you could dye your hair purple, go run around outside for hours (this was before cell phones), or go to a friend's house for the weekend. I didn't care because in my mind they could be trusted to have a handle on their stuff so they could be trusted with whatever freedom they were after. To me, it's like adult world crap they'll need later...take care of your business and then enjoy your life. That was something I recall being very important to me...something they'd benefit from later in life. I tried to set up good routines for them, stress the importance of education, and teach them some basic life skills (like budgeting, some house skills, junk like that), but I failed miserably to teach them how to have healthy relationships with others or control emotions.

Maybe permissive is accurate. I dunno. Half okay, half dreadful? Maybe I should ask them. They'd be better equipped to answer this than I would.

They're adults now, and even though now and then they do show up here or blow up my phone wanting me to 'mommy' them, lol, for the most part we interact with each other more like friends or peers than parent and children. My parenting style nowadays is less a parenting style and more of a friendship.

You sound very similar to me.

The only time I really had to come down hard on my daughter was when she refused to go to school/college and I almost had to physically drag her there. She admits now that it was the best thing that I could have done for her because she's managed to become quite successful now despite her autism and adhd.

I'd say I'm a passive parent for the most part.

My parents were overly harsh on discipline, so I’ve definitely been more on the passive side. I tend to redirect or ignore stuff that my own parents would’ve punished. I pick my battles. My parents were critical of the fact that I don’t use corporal punishment and claimed that I was a “permissive parent.” However, he’s turning out just fine. I feel like I’m doing the right thing.

When he was younger, I considered myself an “attachment parent.” I did the baby-wearing and co-sleeping sort of stuff. It worked for us but isn’t for everyone.