signs? do you even dare suggest it to someone?

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My son is diagnosed HFA/AS, they can't still figure it out, whatever...with that, I started to look at my own life and had a HUGE AHA! moment and my life all started to make sense. Of course, there's that uncle of mine that everyone always says is "crazy" because he barely has any friends, is super smart guy...worked in an engineering firm for a while, but never had a degree...and I remember my ex-husband (that dweeb....hehe...ok, other story), used to tell me I was JUST like my uncle...So, my uncle thinks the world of my son...he's 60+ and thinks my son is just fine and a great kid, blah, blah...which I agree, but he DOES have HFA/AS, just as his mommy...Well, my uncle has two grandchildren...one I can't stand...actually, neither can my uncle...hehe...and my cousin thinks he's just the best kid...then his second grandchild my uncle just loves...they seem to get along VERY well...and actually, it's exactly the same with me...funny...because we both felt this way before my kiddo was diagnosed, before I even knew about AS/HFA, etc...well, for some time now I've seen the kiddo walking on tip toes, and doing MANY of the same things my kiddo does...not afraid to jump in a pool although he can't swim, etc...even his own dad always tells me that "his second son" is a pain in the behind...and then suggests to me (not nice, but he's an NT) that he's alot like MY son...

So, where does this all lead to? I truly think my cousin's son ALSO has HFA/AS (he does speak fluently, where mine does not)...but I can't imagine that my cousin can't see it...I am torn that she's very mean to him and putting him down, when honestly, I have seen that it's the other child who's a pain, etc...but she's always on this poor 3yr olds case...I am torn between telling her to check him OUT, since he's so much like my son...or do nothing and continue having his mother and father put him down and punish him for things outside his control the rest of his life...

What would you do? Of course, if my cousin was more open minded where she had taken the time to understand that there's NOTHING wrong with my child, except he's wired differently, then I wouldn't have a problem...but she has the perception of autism/aspergers being a "disabled" diagnosis...a you have a low IQ diagnosis...you are a "special ed" kid in ALL aspects...she cannot see the positive in my son or any other child with autism/aspergers, sadly, I don't expect her to do anything more for her own son...more than anything because of pride...

Anyway, any thoughts?

It's difficult - family politics and all that.

But I think you have yours cousin's son's best interests at heart.

What is the best thing for this child? I believe the best thing for him is early diagnosis and early intervention.

Can you talk to your cousin's husband. At least he seems like he may be a bit more open to the idea.

I think you can state your opinion once, but then leave it up to the parents to find out more.

I was in a similar situation - but this was a friend of mine. It was hard to say to her, but she's now starting to think her 4 year old son may have AS and she's off to get him assessed.

Helen

I have to agree with Helen, not that I often disagree with her. If the parents are seeing similarities between the two children you may have an opening to introduce the idea to them. It sounds as if they are circling the borders of the thought anyway and the mother may be struggling with denial. I would definitely say something but I would have to get Cor help me to do it tactfully.

Actually, I have talked to my cousin about my son and how so much is genetics and how even she agrees that maybe her dad is an undiagnosed AS...she seems to get it...The problem is probably with them seeing it in their kids...Her husband's family is very well off and they live off "appearances", etc...So honestly, I think the husband would be more in denial than her...

Thanks for your suggestions...I think I'll see if she brings anything else up about him and try some of your suggestions.

I am recently coming to terms with the fact that I may also have AS. My 9 year old was finally dx'd over the summer and while we knew for years, no one else was interested in entertaining that thought.

I also have a brother who is in his teens, whom I strongly believe is also AS. He struggles alot with anxiety, he is quirky, spends ALL of his time on the computer, doesn't have many friends, chews on EVERYTHING in the house, has sensory issues, etc.

My mother (well, I say my mother, but it is actually pretty well everyone I know) was in denial. Not a single one of them was ever interested in hearing that my daughter was suffering with anything more than typical "bad behaviour" that needed to be "straightened out". I have faced so many people that were only ever interested in denying my concerns and accusing me of being busy "trying to label everybody".... That said, I have not backed down since getting the dx. I bring it up and while each time I have been shot down, ignored, spoken over top of, etc, I have finally, this past week, said to my mother...

"So, I know how you are in denial about J having Autism, but I want you to listen"...and then proceeded. I told her how I was sure that I may also have AS. Assured her (in my own manipulative way ) that there is never really any way of detecting it unless you know all about it (so that she didn't feel guilty and try to deny it more). Then I spoke of how it is something I feel many of us have been affected by and gave her examples of different behaviours. I asked her if she was willing, just for a moment, to entertain the fact that she displays quite alot of these things also and gave her "a reason" to feel anger towards her family for shunning her and making her the black sheep of the family because they did not understand her. She listened. She listened while I told her it was ok for her not to want to seek a dx or help. It was ok for her not to want to tell people, if she did not want, but that we choose to because it is our right to get the support we need. She listened while I gave examples of different circumstances either my daughter, myself or my brother might find ourselves in and she agreed that both my brother and she have the same issues.

Towards the end of the conversation she opened her mind to the fact that it is possible and was even willing to share stories from when I was a child to help me during my upcoming assessment.
She even agreed to listen to the outcome of my assessment and take all of it into consideration when having my youngest brother assessed.

I was extremely shocked with the outcome, but I think it was incredibly important for me to reassure her, take the "heat off" of her and validate any ill feeling she has had towards peoples lack of understanding...

I also have a friend whose little guy has a huge number of early signs and while we KNOW these to be characteristic of Autism, we were never really sure how to approach her. When she brought up the fact that a Dr. had suggested it to her and asked her to monitor his behaviours, we jumped on the opportunity. She is still very much in denial, but we expressed our sadness for the madness she is living and then immediately followed up with a "since we have been researching ASD's for years, we are equipped with all kinds of information, resources and support, so while we pray that it is not true for you, we are here IF you do need us" spiel...

keeping our fingers crossed all across the board, now...

Hope this helps.