Family

Post Reply New Topic

Anyone have a suggestion?
My husband's brother/wife have a son that is the same age as our son (6yr old Aspie, diagnosed at 20mons). They let their son do/say as he pleases. There are no boundaries, he's rude and a smartass. However, they are very quick to yell at our son, even if he isn't doing anything wrong. I have sat them down in the past, and even taken them to autism seminars to help them understand, but this is the result. If we are having a discussion on autism, they are all about it. As soon as it is over, our son is a trouble maker (he's actually a mimic if you know what I mean) and their son is an angel. I'm to the point of telling them off and just being done, but we truly do love them, and our nephew is our godson. Has anyone had to deal with this? How can you keep family close and manage this?

Hello,

Ahhhhh the joys of dealing with family.

Your first priority is your son.

Yelling at your son only increases his anxiety levels and makes life more difficult for everyone.

You need to establish firm boundaries. Tell them they are not allowed to yell at your son. If they object to his behaviour, they are to tell you and you can sort it out.

If they continue to yell, leave.

I have become more assertive in the last couple of years. This has been difficult for me to do because I am a 'people pleaser' and like to keep everyone happy.

However, you need to protect your son first.

I had issues with some of my in-laws. But I have been firm and stayed firm. There were some tears and family friction, but we are all getting along now.

You can still maintain a close family. But there may be a period of friction.

Good luck

Helen

You are right I now, but it is so hard. We have been the best of friends for years, even before we were thinking of kids. It just drives me to the point of insanity. I have to bite my tongue not to yell at them. I don't even know if I more mad that they will so easily yell at our son as much as they won't set boundaries for their own. He has called me names, pushed me even right in front of them. I'm lucky if they even acknowledge it. A smart person would say walk away, but they are family, you know?

You don't have to walk away.

You can sort this out.

But you have to take the lead.

You have to be strong and stand firm.

I've been through something similiar to what you're describing.

Now things are good again.

However, other family members will try to 'push' the boundaries on occasions. I just stay firm and strong and everything's OK.

Ignore the way they parent their child, you're not going to change that.

If their kid is being a brat to you, you have every right to be firm with their child. He will soon learn that he can't treat his aunit that way.

If you need any moral support on the way, you've got WP behind you!

Helen

The joys of family...I agree with what everyone is saying here. I myself need to be more firm with my father...On the other hand, my kiddo's uncle (MY BROTHER), doesn't even say hi or really acknowledge him at all. He talks to the other nieces/nephews, but basically completely ignores my son. He actually visited us one time and after about 3 days of driving around and him and his wife constantly complaining about our kiddo (our kiddo was 3!! !)...not because he was mean, but because he would touch them or try to hug them, they left our house and went and stayed elsewhere...So, it seems sometimes the adults are the ones who truly need any fixing here...and as everyone says, if they can't get it, then your son comes first.

Good luck...

Yelling is very bad... It often aggravates the problem, and delays development, as the chlid will do as the parent did before ... (I agree that in this case, the parent needs ficing and not the child, as the complexed one is not the ont we think)

NB: That may be a form of double-standard, or lack of education to educate the oyher and not their own, esp. if both have the same symptoms...