Bathroom Issues

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I just came across this site, and it looks like a great place for me to come to regain my sanity!

I haven't yet had chance to read through the posts here, so if this has recently been discussed, please point me towards the right post...

We're having a problem with our 9 year old AS son and his bathroom habits. Basically, he just doesn't care about keeping himself clean. When he uses the toilet he does't lift the seat and makes a big mess (which he'll later sit on). When he sits on the toilet, he doesn't bother using toilet paper afterwards. As you can imagine, this is causing us a lot of stress. We've told him the 'rules' about using a bathroom. We remind him every time we see him go in there - but even so, he rarely bothers (and gets angry with us for reminding him constantly). There are notes on the wall by the toilet, asking him to lift the seat. We've told him horror stories about what happens to people who smell. We make him clean it up or take a shower several times a week (both things he hates to do) in the hopes that it will give him a reason to do the right thing - but to no avail!

Has anyone else been through this? Any words of wisdom for us? We're getting very tired of having to monitor this.

We actually have the opposite problem, our daughter is obsessive about her cleanliness and he sometimes have to physically pick her up and move her away from the sink where she's spent twenty minutes washing her hands. However, I have read topics like this so you aren't alone.

With our daughter, when we're trying to correct a behavior, a sticker chart of stars works. She loves the stars, and when the chart is full we start a new one and she can trade her old one in for something special (like a trip to Build A Bear or the indoor water park). While star stickers might seem like a 'little kid' thing, I believe that or something similar might help your son put his goals into something tangible. I'm an aspie myself and I've always felt comfort in routines and tangible things. If I'm making progress, I like to see it. It might be worth a try.

It sounds like he's got dyspraxia, which is commonly co-morbid with AS. It makes it hard to use your hands easily and it's very frustrating. I also had a hard time with self-grooming issues, because wiping, brushing teeth and hair, and showering all involve a lot of fine motor coordination and that's often a problem for aspies. You might want to look into occupational therapy for him to work on his fine-motor coordination, and see if that's the problem. I'll bet it has a lot to do with it. Good luck.

Oh, unnamed, that is a great answer. I was wondering about this problem myself although my son is only 4, but my husband is like that to a lesser degree.
Since our son does have dyspraxia, or actually apraxia (which I guess is similar but to a different degree), and my husband said he thought he had it too, that would make perfect sense.

Our son has been getting OT services, so actually he has started wanting to wash his own hair, etc. lately. At the same time, I have also noticed an improvement in fine-motor skills like cutting, wanting to play with playdough, etc. So that also makes sense.

I definitely agree. OT has made all the difference in the world for him. I don't think he will have nearly the same difficulties as my husband because of it.

I have noticed that the psychologists we have worked with do not know a lot about this kind of thing. If you don't get the help you need from him/her, I would suggest you see a developmental pediatrician or a Sensory based Occupational Therapist. Get an eval and take it to your school district.

There might be sensory issues, too. It took until mine was 5 to get him to go in the toilet at all, and it turned around entirely in about 2 days once we got him Kandoo wipes and soap and said no one else could use them but him. Turned out the regular toilet paper just didn't feel right to him. He loved the wipes. After a few months when he was used to it we phased him back to toilet paper and he did ok. Still, at age 8, he has to undress entirely and squats on the toilet (balancing on his feet) instead of sitting. Sigh. I know that's common in lots of parts of the world, but it doesn't work so well with American-style toilets.

we have to use the Kandoo wipes too!

Just another show of support...my daughter also suffers with poor motor control. She is unable to wipe efficiently, which caused us a great deal of suffering over the years, as she would continuously get UTI's/Yeast infections due to poor wiping. No matter what we felt we were teaching her, reminding her and supporting her to do, she is still struggling.

Even after seeing an OT, we did not know that to be the reason. It is a good thing all of us have this WP! So, we definitely know (through OT assessment) that she has poor gross & fine motor skills and poor motor planning and she, at the age of nine, still requires my aide in the washroom.

We were not sure how she would respond to an offer of support in the washroom, but she gladly accepted (with relief might I add), as she does not want this any more than we want it for her.

....and for the off chance that I am not available...it is wet wipes, as well.

Actually, it was mentioned in our mtg. with the school board (when being identified for the purposes of gaining services) and they asked what support she has been recieving with toileting at the school. Of course she had NO support at the school, but did they really expect that an Education Ass't would be helping my child in the washroom? *shakes head*.

So, that said, we also fear that the stigma attached to being less than "fresh", will cause her a great deal of pain & embarrassment with her peers. We know that she is struggling with it at home and have had a tough time with the odour, at times.

Thoughts about school anyone?

I have the exact same issue with my son; he is 6 - and very frequently does not wipe. Which causes "ouchie butt", which causes him to not want to go at all, so he soils himself pretty frequently. We have the wet wipes too, and cream for ouchie butt.

It does get very difficult to remain patient with him, I am human! I have little talks with him regularly trying to help him understand why it is important to wipe. I am doing the best I can.

We'll make sure to mention to the OT at the school about motor skills issues, perhaps that is part of it.

On a related note, apparently he also doesn't understand not to remove his pants until he's actually in the bathroom; I guess he dropped trow in the classroom the other day. Hopefully that won't happen again...