Anger

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Did you all go through this stage when you found out the diagnosis? I keep finding myself raging. Not at my daughter thank god. Its like I am feeling pissed at too many of the people in my life and I dont like it. Is this a normal thing?

there are several stages to grief....one of which is anger. absolutely, positively normal....i was so angry at first for what i percieved as a punishment to me and my child....it took some time to get past this, but thankfully i did.

Yes. Then, after the anger, it became grieving, for all that I had perceived myself to be, and how hard I had been on myself all these years. Now, I am at peace with it, and kinder to myself than I've been before. Also, when I was coming up, no one had ever heard of Asperger's.

Not much I can add to that, but when I first found out was angry/sad all at once. Not only for being lost for so long, but also because my mother who died last year never knew she probably also had and was never happy in this world, and had to deal with her many suicide attempts and having an unavailable mother.

But now I understand and I'm at peace with the world, and at last can be and understand myself, give it time your get there and the wait is worth it.

i know how it is. i think for myself i had so much going on this was just one more thing. not mad at my boy for having it but just stressed about the struggles, it always just seems to compund things.
i found myself feeling guilty that i was relieved by the diagnosis, i think i thought it was something i was or wasn't doing right with him that he just didn't get stuff or the seperation/divorce that i was going through from the time he was 2. i was glad it wasn't something i was or wasn't doing then i felt guilty that i was relieved he had something.
i just think that it was more like i was glad there was a reason and that there are others that know how to help, and people to teach me how to handle things and to help me see things the way he does, to a certain degree anyways.
i also worry about his quality of life in the future, will he have friends, date, etc. what kinds of problems will he face at school? can i handle it?
how much slack should i cut him and when? and where?
from this forum i don;t know which way he'll go, or what exactly to expect but i know there's hope and support no matter what.
i think my anger is just being a bit angry with my life as it is right now and all the additional stressors in it not necessarily the AS diagnosis.
hope this helps.

I am glad to hear I am not the only one. Maybe I should not beat myself up so much but it gets tough at times.

I wasn't angry - I was happy to be an aspie - it explained a lot.

Not sure if I wanted my specialness to be just some genetic trait though.

I was happy to find out I am Aspie but am still very angry that I can't do all the things I would like to.

Pandora said:

I'm a little sad at being so socially inept but I avoid social situations and then I don't have to worry. I don't think I've been angry with the condition though.

What are the things you'd like to do but can't?

I was angry at the prognosis and the absolute lack of relevant information about autism. I was angry at the reaction I got from other people. The supposed closest people in my life dropped the ball and weren't supportive at all.
I remember an online "friend" that called the neurologist an as*hole for saying my son was autistic. My mom started "praying" that he wasn't autistic and started scolding me (in that special long-distance way) for not rushing to get all the best therapies for him at that very moment. A "friend" from home would dismiss everything I ever said about his autistic traits (or our trouble) with "that's how all kids are". Despite that she's never had kids and nannies for very rich and spoilt kids.

It's kind of like being gay, you have to search elsewhere for your family when your own rejects you.

I didn't get angry, but I did dump a bunch of my friends. I live in a competitive area and these women making their brags about their NT children was too much for me. I realized they really weren't my friends.

I get angry when people make patronizing remarks. The one thing that makes me see red is the advise that some people will give you. They think a good dose of discipline is all your kid needs. ARGH!! !! !!

Oh, I understand that one well enough... It wasn't so bad for me finding out about myself (or my kids).

It was bad for my wife because of the NT Mother thing. It still is bad for her when the other mothers talk about (oh, my son is doing so badly, he's only on level 12 readers....). Our son has just made Level 5.

My son is very newly diagnosed. What makes me angry is yep all the stupid advice.

If you ignore him, he will stop doing what ever.
He is attention seeking.
He will grow out of it.
He cant be on the autistic spectrum, he is clever.
He looks ok to me.

And the list goes on....

My biggest hate is my sons school, a few of his teachers responses to my telling them what his diagnoses was " oh well, its not the end of the world, (like I ever thought it was) he is so high funtctioning you'd never even know, it hardly effects him". This is because he is so good at fitting in and sticking to the rules, they dont see ( or chose not to see) J is an emotional mess.

I get really angry with anyone that gets frustrated or impatient with J because they expect him to try harder to fit into their world, yet they are so unwilling to step into his world for a little while.

I went through a stage of being extremely angry at the school. I was angry because I didn't think they were doing enough to help the kids.

I was also angry that they had picked up strong AS traits years before the diagnosis - but didn't bother telling us!

But I'm past that stage now. It is part of the grieving process. Not grief at the diagnosis - grief at the thought that life will present extra challenges to my sons.

Helen

I think that is some of what I am feeling. It is just that I know I have done some dumb things like dumping a person that is willing to fully support me and my daughter. Guess I started to find people to let out my anger at.

Stand up to people in real life when they are taking advantage of me. It might not seem so, but in real life, I am very unassertive. I know the theory but when it comes to putting it into practice, I get a mental block and end up handing over money to my ex or my younger daughter every time they demand it.

I would really like to not look so stupid too.