Needing ideas of what to tell him...

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My son is only 6 and seems to be getting depressed. He's been very frustrated lately, and exceptionally hyper. Over the past few days he has started talking more and more about what really goes on at school.

I already knew that he was being picked on. There is a boy that lives next door that calls him a nerd all of the time and says he doesn't want Zack near him at all. It's hard to explain to Zack, and I can see where the kid might just be getting fed up. The teacher said Zack has an obsession with this boy, mainly because they USED TO BE great friends until they started going to school. Zack doesn't understand it, so he follows this boy around all of the time, asking questions, and the teacher said he even gets out of line sometimes just to track the boy down and talk to him.

So that obviously is weighing on him a great deal. But last night, he mentioned that he just wishes somebody would play with him during recess. He said all of the kids want to be his friend at home when they have no one else to play with, and they all just walk away from him at recess.

How do I explain this to him, that it isn't his fault? He's hurting because they don't want to play with him and just doesn't understand that it is simply because he is different. I know it is bothering him a lot, because he volunteered the info to me-I didn't even ask and he just sat down and said it. I've noticed a lot of changes in him this year. Though he is generally pretty happy, he is gradually isolating himself from the other kids, and doesn't seem to mind much at all if we have something else we must do that prevents him from being able to go outside and play.

His behavior in class is also suffering, I think due to this. He's gotten negative response for his weekly note that they send home, all for excessive talking and hyperactivity. Normally I would not attribute this to his behavior, most likely, but it's gradually getting rougher and he's progressively talking about these things more and more.

So any ideas on what to say about it? Anything that might give him some peace of mind?

Hi! We had this problem with my son. Last year was the worst. I spoke to his teacher about it and she came up with a buddy program for my son J. Each day a child from his class had to volunteer to play/hangout with J, one at little play and one at big play. This way J got to know more children and the kids got to know him a little better.
A few even discovered that his weird ideas were kinda cool (mind you in small doses lol). The program didnt have to be enforced for to long. J now says he has a few friends, they dont always want to play his way and he is learning to try to play their games. Maybe you could try this to, give your son more kid options. I hope I helped. We tried explaing things to J but he just didnt get it and was getting more and more hurt.

My AS son sounds similar. He doesn't always notice or worry about being a loner, but sometimes he expresses frustration that some kids pick on him and aren't fair. I am an NT, but I must admit that I had my fair share of rejection from kids at school, and so I often use the empathy technique with my son and say that I used to feel like that at school sometimes and it doesn't feel fair, but sometimes that's just the way it is (depressing as it sounds!) and tomorrow is a new day, and maybe make a suggestion of something he could try or do differently.
I teach all my kids (AS & NT) that life isn't always fair, and people aren't always fair, but that the main thing is that they should always try and do the right thing and be fair themselves, and that they always have a family at home who is there for them and loves them no matter what. That way they get used to the idea of being let down by people at some stage, but they learn strategies to pick themselves up and keep going, rather than battling against all the injustices of life, or expecting every problem to be solved to make them feel happy. Anyway, that may be too much of a philosophical answer and not that practical, but it seems to work.

Hi, Just wanted to say that I'm in the same boat with my 6yr old AS son. He's in mainstream infant school and last year he had a buddy appointed from the class of 11 year olds. This buddy became a legend in our house because he was seen as so cool, all the other kids in my son's class wanted to join in. Buddy moved to high school in September. This year we are still waiting for a new buddy and almost six weeks into the new school year.

My son now doesn't talk about anything that happens during his school day and asks questions about why he is different.

Our (fairly limp) answer so far is to tell him that he's "not daft - just different" (a good old Yorkshire phrase!). We tell him that while he was learning to read (savant skill), other kids were learning to make friends - now they have to swap and learn from each other, i,e, Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and we should learn from each other. This works with some of his fellow pupils but not many. We also encourage him to watch a program called "Todd World" on BBC channel CBeebies which teaches that it's good to be different.

I want my son to learn to celebrate his differences and not just follow the rest of the sheep.

BIG question for me is when to start using the "AS" word and how to begin to tell him about it. ANY IDEAS?

I'm actually going to tell mine as soon as we get confirmation of some sort. Mainly because he knows he is different. He's actually said to me "My brain doesn't work like everybody else's-it is wired differently. I wonder why that is..." He also says it isn't a bad thing, that our brains are not broken, but it makes things difficult. So I'm just going to clear the air right there when we hear the word, lol. He knows it, it's bothering him, he just wants a name for it so he can say he's not different because he's a nerd. He wants a valid reason for it rather than how others label him.

what does his teacher say about all this ?

Sorry, but it never ceases to amaze me that autism "experts", including schools, tell us that we need to have our children in school so they can "learn" social skills, when honestly, my child has more social skills that the so-called "NTs"...I think the ones who need to learn social skills are the NT's, as both parents and teachers of NTs "excuse" the complete lack of respect/consideration most of these children have for others with the excuse that it is "typical" child behavior. Amazing...but my child's fixation on trains does not "hurt" anyone, yet he must learn "social skills"...

Sorry, very sour subject for me...thank God I homeschool my child. I'll make sure that the children he associates with have better social skils and parents who do not excuse their bad and rude behavior towards others as "typical" of children their age.