Teaching Organization, Planning and Decision Making

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I have a 10 year old with Asperger's. He's a very bright kid, very loving, but we have two issues that drive us both to distraction. One, he is so unorganized that everything becomes a chore. I have tried organizing his room so that toys and books and things can be easily put away and found, but he still manages to lose everything he's looking for, and then we spend time searching for his scissors, pencils, art supplies, etc. He just will not put things back where he found them. Somehow he forgets, even when the object is in his hand, that he's supposed to put the pencil in the pencil holder, not on his bed.

This lack of organization because a real problem in school. He forgets homework, not on purpose, just because he forgot to pack it. I want him to learn to do this on his own without his teacher having to pack him in the afternoon. For a couple of weeks, we had no problem, but then he got sick and since then it's been a huge issue. He'll come home and not have his math book or not have a worksheet. I asked his teacher to send home worksheets/assignments in advance so that I have copies at home just in case they are forgotten. We've started daily communication back and forth. His teacher this year is amazing, and I really like her. She has been the best teacher as far as accomodations he's ever had.

Even though he knows that when he gets home from afterschool care, he's supposed to start homework, he will whine, cry, and pitch a fit and waste a half hour just getting started because he doesn't want to do the work. He's very capable of doing the work. He just doesn't want to do it. He doesn't even have a lot of homework, usually just 30-45 minutes of things, often stuff that should have been finished at school. I don't make a big deal out of things not getting done at school. If he brings it home, that's fine, as long as he agrees to do the work. Homework battles are awful, stressful times for both of us. I have gotten reductions on things from his teacher--only doing half the problems on a math sheet, for instance, as long as he can show he understands the material. I let him do his homework where he feels comfortable, often on his bed. I let him take frequent breaks. I don't know what else to do. The problems are especially bad with things like math problems or other "busy" type work, which I explained to his teacher. He doesn't have similar issues with projects or creative type things. In fact, he's very excited about a diorama project and can't wait to go buy supplies for it.

I have started a point system to help with motivation to do household chores. He earns points through the week, and on the weekend can trade his points for things like a special lunch, a movie, a Saturday at the zoo, etc. This works great for motivating him to have a good day at school, usually it works for homework, it's not working so good for household chores.

Simple decisions are a huge issue. Do you want milk or iced tea for supper? He can't decide because he wants both, so he asks for both. Something like you can buy one item, when he's chosen two, but he can't choose because he wants both.

These are all very frustrating. Anyone have any other suggestions for things to try. I really do try to be understanding, since I see a lot of me in him, and I can understand some of the things he's going through, but not all. I didn't have problems with organization like this.

He sounds like my 9 y/o AS daughter. I also have a 4 and 5 y/o and live in a rather small house, so organization is imperative. I'm AS myself and quite anal about organization. 9 y/o's disorganization and complete lack of desire to be organized, take care of her things, or be respectful to other peoples' things drives me nuts. Her little brother and sister are better at cleaning up after themselves and staying organized than she is.

One thing that has helped a LOT with her room is that everything messy, all toys with small pars, multiple pieces, they're all in containers up on her high closet shelf. She MUST clean up any mess before she can trade for another container. I do this with all the kids and it really helps keep the toy and arts and crafts mess to a minimum. It requires more policing on my part, but it's worth it. I feel like a complete nag when it comes to my daughter and I know she resents me constantly telling her to put things away, etc. I've recently revoked kitchen privileges from her. She's not allowed to get her own snacks after school because she was trashing the kitchen, getting stuff all over the floor, etc. There really is a lack of care on her part about cleaning up her messes. We've always been consistent about making her clean up her own messes.

We tried a point system with chores as well. DD didn't care. What works for us is using one of her special interests, the one that is most important to her. We hold it over her head. Some parents would not agree with this method, but it works well for her. She always wants to play her computer game, but she is not allowed to until ALL her chores and homework are done. If she lies about doing them(which she has been notorious for doing) or is sneaky(like shoving all her clothes in the drawers instead of hanging up her clothes), she will lose her privileges to the computer for that day, someimes for more than a day, depending on how bad the infringement. She doesn't have that many chores, but she hates doing anything around the house, so it's a constant battle.

With schoolwork and homework, I really am at a loss as well. She's been pretty good about remembering her work so far this year. There's only been 2 times in the month of school that she's forgotten anything. We live right across from the school, but I will not allow her to return to school to get anything. I don't want that to become a habit. She loses recess and has to finish her work then if she forgot. She loves playing 4-square and kickball(tomboy) at recess, so it's a good motivator. She's very sloppy with her work though. We're trying to keep her organized with a trapper-keeper type binder, but that's not working. She just throws her papers in there, doesn't put them in the folders, and on a few occasions, has zipped up the binder, catching homework in the zipper and tearing her pages. She doesn't keep the pencils and erasers where they go in her binder, and I'm constantly having to get her new pencils and supplies at homework time. We seem to have a black hole in my house that attracts pencils, pens, markers, glue sticks, sciscors, really anything DD has used. We rarely see them again, except the markers which seem to have a habit of accumulating under furniture with no cap on, making stains on my carpet or in the hands of my 4 y/o who then draws on the wall with them. We only buy washable markers, crayons, etc. She also HATES the busy-work, especiall when it's too easy for her. But she loves doing creative things, so I have her to the homework that she hates first, holding off on the creative things until after her dreaded math homework is done. It's a crappy day when she doesn't have any creative assignments. She can usually get her homework done in a 1/2 hour, but on a bad day, it may take 2 hours.

One of DD's biggest complaints about her sibs is that they get into her stuff. We thought that the perfect solution was to get her a lock-box. Only her father, she, and I know the combination to her footlocker. In it, she's supposed to keep all her chapstick, lip gloss, special treats that she buys, anything she doesn't want her brother and sister getting in to. It seemed like the perfect solution. Well, she rarely locks it, forgets to put things back in it when she'd used them, and then she yells at her brother and sister for getting into her things. All we can say is its her own fault for not locking them up in her box. That just ticks her off and sends her into a meltdown most times. But what more can we do? She's not allowed to buy lip gloss or have nail polish any more because she kept forgetting to lock it up and her sister would get into them.

I also didn't have problems with organization and in fact, was an ultra neat, anal retentively organized child. I was my mother's dream child in that respect. LOL! It's so ultra frustrating to me because I'm so anal retentive about organization.

I also have enormous problems with organization. My son (4 years old) has trouble focusing well enough to do anything at all unless it's what he really wants to be doing at the time. I am starting to work on developing a system with very clear visual picture reminders to help us both.

I've identified that one of my challenges with organization and accomplishing tasks is that my senses are very easily overloaded and I am not able to focus and do what needs to be done when that happens. To overcome this requires things to be broken down into very small and simple steps with clear visual reminders to allow my brain to focus on one step at a time without getting mixed up. For example, I have a picture that respresents laundry. Each morning I take the picture and stick it up on the wall (velcro), and that picture stays up where I can see it throughout the day until I have washed, dried, and put away enough clothes for the day. Then I take the picture down until the next morning.

For your son's school supplies in his room, you can try organizing a drawer with the supplies in their proper place, take a picture of the organized drawer, and attach that picture to the outside of the drawer. Then your son will have a visual reminder of which items belong there and where to put them when he's done using them. And when he's looking for a particular item, he can see from the picture that it should be findable in that drawer.

To help him remember to bring home all of the necessary items from school, you can put a series of pictures on the front of his binder perhaps so that he can look at each picture and make sure that he has packed his homework, math book, etc. before he leaves the classroom.

That sounds just like my EvilBoy.
He turned 12, and things have been smoothing out a lot.

Bringing things home from school. is difficult, and I think that is an aspy thing. If it is not a thing that is really of interest at the moment, then it tends not to stick in memory. We just gave my boy his scheduler folder much like you did.

After dinner is an all hands cleanup with Evilmom putting away food. EvilDad washing dishes, EvilDaughter unloading the dishwasher, and emptying the drain. Evil boy is responsible for emptying the dinner table, and filling the dishwasher and starting it.
This is a good thing, as it is an opportunity to be an active member of the family. It's everyone working at the same time, because that is the normal accepted thing to do. What I have found is that he has a very good idea what is expected of him, and when focused on the next task, dispatches it with ease. As time passed, we added additional things.

o move the wash stuff to clothes dryer.
o run a lot of jeans
o feed the dogs
o give the dogs water
o take out the trash....

It seems to be getting better with time.


After dinner is homework time. Some of it goes smooth. Some of it is just what you described. Once again i think it is an aspy thing. "This homework is boring. Not exciting. Stupid. My brain simply refused to focus on it, no matter how much i want to get it done"

It's pretty hard for him to get over this hump himself. One of the things that seems to work for me, is to perform a dialog with him, to help him focus on one small part of the process at a time. Sometimes it is a homework that is vague or ambigueous from his viewpoint. His mind races around back and forth, trying to translate the homework, into a path he can follow to complete it. So I talk with him, to help him focus in on a possible interpretation of what he should do. This generally helps.


Saturday mornings are the chore times when we clean up the house.

both of my kids have made it clear that it takes a lot of stress of them, to be simply given a list of chores to accomplish,
rather than running back to mom and dad to find out what should be done next. That is a very reasonable accomodation.
In fact mom and I have lists too. We sit down after breakfast, and make the lists, then get to work. My boy needs more breaks due to aspy symptoms, but in general things go pretty well.

Wow, are all of you people living in my house? These are the exact problems we are dealing with.

My son is kind of unusual, in that he is keeping his binder pretty clean and well-organized (so far) in his first three weeks of middle school, but he cannot seem to remember to bring the right books home. We go back to school at least three times a week. I have purchased a couple of the texts to keep at home, but I want to teach him how to be responsible for his own stuff. He can't pay attention enough in class to know what's going to be on quizzes. This is the same guy who seems to be writing down all of his assignments fairly well, and if he has anything written, he studies that and gets very good grades. But if a teacher is verbal in giving important information (rather than writing it down on a handout or on the board), my son is completely lost.

Homework on most days takes literally all night. It doesn't help that we live in an overachieving school district, where the parents put a lot of pressure on the teachers and administrators to make sure that all students are 'THE BEST!" I currently read ALL texts so that I can prepare my son for quizzes and tests. Needless to say, I am exhausted. I have two other children -- and with them, I NEVER had to do anything because they were capable students who didn't need help. I never had to call the teachers, I never had to return to school for forgotten items. I am on a first-name basis with the office staff because they see me and my son so often. I feel like Norm in "Cheers". . .

Kris

Here is information from a seminar of Tony Attwood's I attended in June 2007.

In 2006, Tony Attwood surveyed 238 children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome at his clinic.

Results showed:
• Problems with organizational skills 81%
• Short term memory problems 59%
• Planning problems 78%
• Time management problems 80%
• Impulsive 59%

These are genuine difficulties with a neurobiological basis.

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome have difficulties with Executive Function. They have difficulties with the following:
• Organizational and planning abilities
• Working memory
• Inhibition and impulse control
• Self-reflection and self-monitoring
• Time management and prioritizing
• Understanding complex or abstract concepts
• Using new strategies

Or as Tony Attwood put it, many children with Asperger’s Syndrome “couldn’t organize a piss-up in a brewery!”

Tony Attwood reported children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome need an ‘Executive Secretary’ especially in High School.

The role of Executive Secretary is usually performed by the mother. The Executive Secretary needs to maintain ongoing contact with the High School. The student Asperger’s Syndrome will need help with time management to ensure they complete assignments and projects on time.

Tony Attwood reported at least 75% of children with Asperger’s syndrome also have a profile indicative of Attention Deficit Disorder.

The four components of attention include:
• The ability to sustain attention
• Pay attention to relevant information
• Shift attention when needed
• Encode attention – to remember what was attended to

Strategies to assist with attention difficulties include:
• Relevant information should be highlighted
• Assignments should be broken down into smaller units, in keeping with the child’s attention span
• The teacher should regularly monitor and give feedback to maintain attention
• The amount of environmental distractions should be reduced
• A quiet, isolated work space should be provided

You mentioned your son goes to afterschool care.

We have two sons with Asperger's. They were going to afterschool care until about 6 weeks ago. I turned up one day and found them both hiding under separate tables.

Apparently they spent a lot of time hiding under a table playing chess or other games by themselves.

I decided immediately to pull them out of after school care. I rearranged my work hours so that they don't have to go anymore. This has greatly reduced their stress/fatigue levels and improved the mood of our household.

If possible, change your work hours so that he doesn't have to attend afterschool care anymore.

If not possible, keep in mind that when your son gets home from afterschool care he will be absolutely exhausted from attending school and afterschool care. Being stuck with people all day.

Give him a good half an hour break to withdraw.

Does he have to do homework? Our sons are both incredibly smart, and find homework boring and repetitive.

Both have had their homework adjusted to reflect their special interests. For example, our 7 year old writes a dinosaur report 1/week and presents it to the class.

Our boys only go to school 4 days/week - this is written in their IEP. They find 5 days/week absolutely exhausting. Since their school has been reduced, they are more energetic, happy and the household is a happier place.

Regards
Helen

Thank you for all of the wonderful replies. I'll read them carefully and see if I can find something new to try. I have to admit, I got the daily notebook from DS's teacher last night, and I almost cried because it just seems like there's more and more work that he has to do.

He despises writing anything by hand, so anytime he has to fill out a worksheet he tries see how short a reply he can make. I don't know how to help with this. I can't make him like "writing" and by writing I mean the physical act, not the creative part.

Schleppenheimer, I took my son out of a school where we did anywhere from 2-5 hours of homework a night. It was all busy work, all stuff that he hated, and the teacher would not offer reductions when I spoke to her about it.

Smelena, actually DS seems to really enjoy the aftercare. He does play with kids who are younger than him, but he usually doesn't want to leave, and I always find him with a group of kids. I'm not sure how healthy it is for him to play with kids that are 3 years younger, but he does seem to enjoy himself, and the littler ones look up to him. I kind of think that's good, but I'm not real sure. Unfortunately, I can't change my work hours, and I've worked on what time is best for homework, finally decided that after supper is best. If I talk to his teacher I could get his homework adjusted, but he's in 5th grade and will be going to middle school next year where I don't think they're going to be as willing to adjust work.

some schools are able to give students a copy of their textbooks which can remain at home . it also helps if there is one set place for homework in your house~ ie; the dining room table. all the textbooks and school supplies could be kept on a shelf next to his work space.
organizational skills are not that easy to learn for some. for awhile, my son was losing all of his papers~ before he'd get them home, after he'd finished them....his teachers cut back on the papers going back and forth to school because the work was just causing more stress and anxiety for my son. his teachers kept a folder for him in each class & essentially son never got homework. son was always capable of doing the work~ just always lost it.

I posted this on another link but maybe you guys can help me. My 14 yo DS just REFUSES to do homework. He is just toasted after a day at middle school. I take a lot of it on myself, as I've never enforced enough rules or responsiblities on him here. So how do I convert now? The idea of him automatically sitting down after dinner is so fantabulous but a little out of my reach; we still battle. How do you enforce consequences without major battles? Or do you just have battles and live through? Or no battles? And Saturday chores! Wonderful! My daughter did all her own, but son just doesn't. Typing this makes it look as ridiculous as it sounds. But it's always just so much easier to do it myself. No wonder I'm exhausted. Could someone just give me steps #1-3 to get me back on the right track? Thanks so much.

Depends how your son is doing in school. If he's doing well, he might only need to do assignments and projects rather than revision or "busy work". I don't think it is worth getting into big battles with kids over homework.

As for keeping rooms tidy, a minimalist approach is best. Try not to have very many toys and games with lots of small pieces. It's better for children to have a few really good toys than lots of cheap plasticky things with hundreds of little pieces.

As an aspie myself, I get easily sidetracked and overwhelmed by all the detail in household chores. Consequently, many things do not get done and I just have enough energy to cope with the very basics. Even so, the house is quite untidy.

Some people, often creative ones, are very messy and disorganised even if they don't have asperger's.

Hi! Ive just read everyone's comments about home work. I have an 8yr old aspie who would have little melt downs everyday about having to do his school readers. I found this very frustrating as I knew he enjoyed reading, and could read fairly well when he choose the book and the time to read. His school however didn't think so and added additional pressure (they thought help) and put him in an assisted reading program. He had up until this year (he is repeating grade 2) been in the assisted reading program every year. he got a new teacher this year who hasn't had him in the program, but congratulated me for all the reading I must be doing with him at home. I was honest and told her I didn't do any not even his readers. She was ver surprised because he is now in the top reading group in his class. I think that because the stress was taken off him and he could go at his own pace, he has excelled(is that spelt right?) When my older son was in grade 5 at school and had struggled with all written work the school gave him permission to present his work via computer which worked out better. Physically holding pen or pencil can be exhausting. Good luck

carters mom, as smelma pointed out,
aspies need unwind time after school so they can unwind a bit
and transition into being home.

I need about 1/2 hour when i get home from work,
before im really normal enough to help my wife.

I think that maybe this ought to be your first priority.

After that, start small. kids can bring their cloths hamper down to the laundry room.
everyone brings their own. a few weeks of that, and it may become normal.

transition to bring it down, and sort your laundry.
my wife and i built 6 shelves in the laundry, each big enough to hold a labled lanudry basket.

little baby steps, where it is clear what the expectations are, and it is clear that everyone follows that rule,
so that he/she doesn't stand out.

Reward for correct behavior.

Don't go for too much at once.

small steps are the key.

pandora, your comments strike a flame in my mind.

i suspect it is aspy behavior. house cleaning is an odd mix.

i go to pull the covers up and make the bed, and i see the book on the floor which takes me downstairs to the bookshelves,
which then there are 14 books to put where they belong, on the way out the garbage can is full, so i take it and empty it in the big can in the garage, where i notice that i haven't put the snow tires up on the cabinets, then i see the quart of oil, so i check the fluids in the car, where i find a receipt that my wife needs......

its like a chain of distractions and near the end of the day, i may get back to fluffing the pillows up on the bed, that i started out to make in the morning.


do you have this problem too?

lol