A Question for the Parents of AS children...

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I was just wondering what you guys think is an appropriate age to tell a child they have AS.

I'm 17 and have just recently found out I have AS, but I've always known I was different from the other kids at school, church and swim practice. Throughout my childhood and up until now, I have always felt a lonliness and a sense that I don't belong here in this world. I have a very scientific, rational mind and am constantly searching for any sort of reason to explain things. Do you think anything would have changed anything if my parents had told me I have AS earlier?

Hard to say... my son is 8. We have tried to explain to him why he is different and that there is nothing wrong with being different, but so far he doesn't seem to get it. Hopefully it will be clear by the time he starts secondary school, between ten and fifteen I could really have done with knowing about AS myself - and the years that followed when I made so many dodgy life choices come to that.

knowing at too young an age may be detrimental, however attaining that knowledge while in the stages of forming one's own self-identity does have its benefits

If I know where online I can test my IQ
then perhaps I could better respond!

I think I am intelligent, DUH! WHICH WAY
DO I GO! "I'LL HUG HIM AND SQUEEZE HIM
AND CALL HIM GEORGE!

I told my daughter when she was 11. She was really having issues with feeling different. I basically explained AS as a learning difference. I don't see it as a disability, in fact sometimes as a gift. her perspective on life and how she sees things is quite unique.
Laure

Very interesting question. I've given it a lot of thought.

I don't know enough about your situation to know if knowledge ealier would have made a differance. It sure seems like it would have but would the difference have been good or bad? Also, are you sure your parents knew ealier?

I've always been of the mind that open communication is best but am coming to doubt that. I'm at a very confused point right now.

We are a religous family so as far back as they can remember my children have heard that everyone is equal in God's eyes and that differences are good as they allow us all to play our specific role. D is blond, physically big, hazeled eyed, right handed, not very social and cuddly. J has darker hair, wears glasses, is slim, brown eyed, right handed, smart, ADHD, and very social. Its all good. This is the message they have always heard.

In second grade when D was tested for learning disability, he understood that the tests were to pin point why he, a smart cookie, was having trouble in school. After we got the results I told him that the labels for his situation were gifted and learning disabiled. That God had made him very smart and had wired his brain in a fashion different than many people. That he would would have to work harder at certain things and would find others easy. It was presented in a neurtal fashion as I find it nuetral.

Last January, right about when he turned 12, we told him he was seeing another doctor for more brain tests to see if we could learn more about him. He asked about the specific tests to be done. Somehow we ended up looking us the diagnoistic things about Asperger's. He read the list and said, yep, I've got that too. I don't think he saw it as a relieve as some say they have OR as a negative thing. It just was. (Actually he was just a tad off, he was Dx PDD-NOS.)

I always thought that self knowledge as an early age was good. It allows them to understand their strenghts and weaknesses better. Some parents say thier children try to use LD or PDD as an excuse for why they *can't* do something (rather than even trying). My stand, and one my kids seem to buy, is that yeah, so it might be more difficult for you to do some things but other things are easier for you...If it needs to get done, just do it. Both, but especially D, are pretty good advocates for themself. They don't try to get out of work but are good about saying things like "this part will be harder for me. May I do this instead?", or whatever.

So far, so good.

BUT what I have noticed, is that ***OTHER*** people have issues with a PDD dx. Once D got that Dx, suddenly OTHER people would say things like "oh, he can't do that" or "its too hard for him." The school decided that someone with a dual dx of LD and PDD couldn't be expected to write so they made moves (which were stoped when I complained) to take him out of his writing pull out time. His seventh grade schedule came and he didn't have some standard classes...someone assumed those classes would be too hard for him.

So, if he had a public dx early, would he have learned helplessness from school early? I don't know.

Given the issues we have had from his school in the six months since his dx, I'm very concerned about how his future will go.

BeeBee

Hmmm? How was she specifically feeling
different? Where lied these strengths and
weaknesses?



Very Smart! Perhaps you might to have her
do some reading on the basic learning
differences!



Hmmmmmm? I forget, PDD-NOS, AS, HFA,
ASD in a general perspective? And good
for her to have a unique perspective!

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Since I have no clue to this upper response, What
exactly happened to cause these question?





Very sound philosophy!




Good descriptions skills you have BeeBee!



So far so good!



PDD,NOS!?



That is a excellent description! I being HFA may be a
bug-eye'd alien, but this makes even me feel better!



Perhaps if he can pinpoint these weaknesses! This
make the neutrality more effect!



A MRI? or Brain Scan?

He asked about the specific tests to be done. Somehow
we ended up looking us the diagnoistic things about Asperger's.
[/quote]

Very Good!



A little knowledge goes a long way!



We both see eye to eye on this!



A little does go a along ways and the self-confidence of
"I did it" is truly a great reward!



Hmmmm? I concure, So far so good, and you display good-mom
tactics and heart! God-Bless!



The darker side of the coin! Hmmmm!



Our societies ignorance and it's blissfullness! Hmmmmm?



I agree, a bad move, especially in coping skills in writing is my
impression of D!



Did you get these classes restored?



I would say yes, especially at ages 5-6 and the early crucial years!

Hmmmm? What happened in attempting to restore these classes?

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Given the issues we have had from his school in the six months since his dx, I'm very concerned about how his future will go.

BeeBeeBack to top

Currently we are avoising the A words (Asperger's, autism) within the daughter's hearing range, mostly because she is likely to just repeat them to everyone and anyone indiscriminately, and we fear social consequences for her. I did confirm to her one day that she was sensitive to noise - to give her words to express what she is feeling, instead of covering her ears and tantruming. So now whenever there is something she doesn't like she claims to be 'sensitive' to it. As in 'I am sensitive to picking my books up'. Makes me wary of divulging too much.

Growing up, that was the explanation I gave myself, as I knew I was different, but had not even heard of autism or Aperger's syndrome until recently.

I'm almost certain at this point that my parents knew earlier. (I really don't like to ask them a lot of questions about this for various reasons.) They had me doing several things in early elementary school and then again in junior high school that were very different than the other kids, like speech therapy (I couldn't pronounce the "r" sound), talking to this one lady in a small room about feelings and play acting different social situations, sometimes doing a more detailed written report rather than a short oral one and letting me have some time alone after throwing a temper tantrum (all of my siblings have gotten an immediate talking to).

If your parents won't tell you what you want to know, then once you're 18, you can go down to your doctor's office and ask to see all of your old medical records. If you are still in high school and have an IEP, you can probably ask the teacher that serves as your case carrier to show you all of your old IEP records and maybe even school records.

Most of that happened in elementary school, which was at a different school than I go to now, and the teacher who had me do a written report instead of an oral one thought that I was a part-time (half schooled at the school, half at home) student and she made all of them do written reports.

What is a case carrier? I read somewhere that an IEP is an idividualized education plan (or something of that sorts), but I don't think I have one, due to AS not affecting my schoolwork too much. I also attend a private school and have always gotten fairly good grades, so I don't think I would be eligible for one.

Maybd you could still veiw your school record and eventually view your medical recrds once you are 18 or maybe even sooner if you can talk to the doctor privately.

[quote="Namiko]They had me doing several things in early elementary school and then again in junior high school that were very different than the other kids, like speech therapy (I couldn't pronounce the "r" sound), talking to this one lady in a small room about feelings and play acting different social situations, sometimes doing a more detailed written report rather than a short oral one and letting me have some time alone after throwing a temper tantrum (all of my siblings have gotten an immediate talking to).[/quote]
I'm about 99% sure that these changes to the shool environment require an IEP.

For one, I think it is wrong for a parent to keep that from a child. Second, telling them would give them closure and let them know why society treats them like crap and that no, they are not a bad person, nor have they done anything to deserve said treatment.

You should tell them as soon as they're old enough to understand. If you tell it to them properly there should be no problem. You shouldn't just let your kids go through life with no idea why they're different. Keeping it from them won't do anyone any good.