Friday Rant

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/rant

I need to blow off some steam.

Why does this have to be so hard?! Why does my 11 y/o son have to complain about everything??? Why so negative? He has much of what I didn't growing up (without going over board), and still he complains. About. Everything!! ! "You need to go to the store and buy me the cereal I like." But it was fine the last couple of times you ate it... "No it wasn't." Bah!

And he's lazy. He doesn't "like" to study. But he sure as heck wants to play computer/video games and watch T.V. Oh, and let's not forget about tennis lessons...I shell out $48.00 per lesson at least once per week. He's gotta have that, and if I take any of it away as a consequence for not doing what he is suppose to be doing, then I'm the meanie. "I am threatening him." Oh! He is so arrogant! Where did all this self righteous thinking come from?

And what is the deal with hygiene???????? Why is it so flipping hard to brush your teeth and use soap and shampoo in the shower. He takes 30 minutes showers anyway....why not try some soap??? ...and use deodorant ...and comb his hair. What's the deal??? After 11 whole years, I would think that this would be a non-issue....but it is an issue....every single flipping day!

And he lies. And he will not take responsibility for ANYTHING... Why? Why is this so hard?

Okay, that's all I have to say about this...at the moment.

/end rant

Sorry you're having trouble. Just to reassure you a little though - it was very hard for me to appreciate that I had so much of what my parents didn't at his age. Sure, I understood it on an intellectual level, but it wasn't until I was in college that I realized how hard they had worked to give me the comfortable lifestyle that I'd grown up in. When I was your son's age, I didn't have the empathy to understand back then. When my parents talked to me about their family's hardships growing up, I would keep my mouth shut so that I didn't get punished, but on the inside I thought, "But so what, we have money and nice things now, why can't you just buy me what I want?" Now I regret thinking that way. I guess I'm saying that although his attitude hurts you right now, he'll probably understand why he was wrong later.

As for the hygiene thing, lots of boys, NT and otherwise, go through that at his age too. They usually outgrow it at 13 or so, so hang in there! And don't be afraid to seek out real-life help in dealing with him for yourself. I wish that something had been available to my parents when I was a kid, as it would have saved us all a lot of frustration and bad feeling.

hmm.. who is the one having AS? You or your son?

I remember being the same when I was that age, realy.

I can relate. My son is 10, almost 11, and I have very similar problems. He can't seem to find the waste can for his trash, leaves his stuff everywhere, has to be sent back to the bathroom for hygene related things a dozen times because he's too eager to do something else to worry that his hair needs to be washed.

If your definition of lazy is that doesn't want to do homework vs. something he enjoys, then so is my son. I could be my kid you're describing.

I don't think these are actually ASD issues. I think they are normal kid issues. I don't know of any kids who enjoy doing chores and who really like homework, and are just eager to go home and get on it. I certainly didn't. I don't think most kids can really understand the sacrifices their parents make for them. They don't have to worry about jobs, about how to pay for this or that, or anything like that.

I think you just have to be consistent, and eventually they do learn that these tasks have to be done, even though they don't want to do them, especially if no one is doing them for them. I won't pick up my son's trash, but I will turn the TV off until he does it himself. I won't clean his room. I won't put his clothes away. These are things he needs to learn for himself, and he is capable of doing them, sometimes he's just hard headed about doing them.

LOL! Sounds like my 9 y/o daughter. The girl would never shower if I didn't make her, would wear the same clothes every day, and never brush her hair. She's such a beautiful girl. I wish she'd take more pride in her appearance and hygiene. Hopefully she will learn. I was always and still am very anal rententive about hygiene.

My daughter is like a hurricane, flying through the house, leaving debris wherever she sets foot. I'm VERY anal renteintive about cleanliness and organization too, so it drives me crazy! If we comment that she's being a pig, she melts down. ANY negative reinforcement is met with crying and melting down. Unfortunately, her father hasn't figured this out and hasn't learned to pick his battles with her. It doesn't help that he's lazy and sloppy too and setting a bad example for her.

My daughter rarely listens to anything I say. I'm tired of having to repeat instructions 5 times before she will do something. I'm tired of telling her 5 times not to do something and her doing it anyway and then insisting she didn't hear me. She has very selective hearing

No matter how consistent we are, she just can't seem to learn to clean up after herself, take care of herself, take care of her things, and listen to her parents. That's just who she is and I've come to accept that it will always be a struggle with her. That said, I wouldn't trade her for the most organized well-behaved, obedient child out there. I love her to death and wouldn't change her for anything!

Thanks all for your comments. My son is the one with AS. My father had AS, too, so I'm generally used to handling things, but every once in a while I just lose it.

I don't have any other children, and I am rarely around any other children. When I was a child, I mostly hung out with the adults. So, I really have nothing other than my own childhood experiences to determine whether my son's behaviors are AS related or just being a normal kid thing. (And I was never this difficult!) I wasn't really trying to determine whether his behaviors stemmed from AS, normal or puberty behaviors. I just wanted to vent. It had been a hard morning.

It's okay to vent. Hope you feel better! My daughter was that way, when she was younger. Her room always looked like a hurricane had passed through it, and she wouldn't shower or brush her teeth until I refused to take her anywhere due to B.O. I would say, "I'm not sitting in the car with you smelling like that." But, when she started dating, then it was all different.

Wow, there must be a full moon this week, because just like you, I had to rant earlier in the week!

I TOTALLY understand how frustrated you feel. Go ahead and rant. Get it out. This raising of children (any children) is frustrating business, and although I love them to pieces, I have days where I just don't know what to do.

May next week be better for you!

Kris

This makes me smile as my mother used to be a real neat freak and she would always be putting my things away, which of course would send me mad if something wasn't in it's right place...and she used to call me dirty because I would wear the same clothes, day in and day out and the whole, 'you're so pretty, why can't you take more pride in your appearance?' issue.

It's good to have a rant and get it off your chest!

Parenting can be extremely frustrating.

My 9 year old son punched and kicked me a couple of times for the first time ever. And he yelled and screamed and called me a f**n idiot. He threw cars/toys around the lounge - aiming them at me.

That was not fun.

But we once he'd calmed down and apologised spontaneously ( I was so happy he did that). We were then able to sit down and rationally talk about why he melted down, what we'd do to prevent it in future, and how his behaviour was totally unacceptable. We also discussed consequences if he acted like that again.

I was so happy that we could discuss it ... the therapy is working.

Helen

terribly frustrating, isn't it ? .....it's hard for me to remember sometimes that he has aspergers & isn't just trying to make my life miserable with his stubbornness. it's so hard to be patient sometimes. gosh, i just want him to change his clothes & take a shower.
i'm fortunate that my hubby is aspie & is able to help me better understand my son & realize that son doesn't always do things to make life difficult for us. that son has sensory issues & doesn't exactly like the way showering feels.....hang in there

I just love this thread -- I'm hearing so much from all of you parents out there, and although I'm sad for all of us in that we have so much to deal with on a daily basis, but at the same time, I'm hearing positive things too, which are uplifting to me and help me get some perspective.

Kris

I too think it's important to just blow off steam once in awhile. My 11-year old Aspie can certainly wear me down at times....and when you have nothing more to give, you just can't give anymore. I'm thankful that I'm part of a 12-step recovery program (aa) and have embraced the Serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed by his constant barage of questions, his indifferent attitude, his oppositional behavior, and his lack of social etiquette, I have to remember - this is NOT an NT child. His mind operates on a totally different plane than most people....and that sometimes helps. Yes there are times when I grapple with the question of whether his actions are AS or just those of a stubborn-minded 11-year old....and I do wish the answer was more clear. I just do the best I can do on a daily basis, and we both start off with a clean slate every morning. That's the only thing that keeps me sane. If when I woke up on Monday I harbored resentment against him for his behavior on Sunday, it would no doubt make for a bad week for us both.

Connie

The showering thing sounds like me as a kid.
Keep in mind that he probably isn't doing it on purpose to annoy you.

Oh JsMom! You sound so frustrated in your post and I know it's not funny but you had me in stitches! My son is nearly 15 and behaves exactly the same as he did when he was 11 which is exactly the same as how your son is behaving now - he's just smellier!! !

Get it off your chest today and tomorrow will look better!