Do any of your kids not get any services? on Purpose?

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I was just curious about those with kids that don't really require too much in the way of services. My son went to public school for 4 years -it was only in the last year (3rd grade) that he got diagnosed and they were clueless about how to help him - he didn't have major problems just the typical "not fitting in" thing.

We pulled him out of public school and we are in our 2nd year of homeschooling - it's going fine. He has never been on medication, receives no OT, PT or anything. The only thing we did when he was first diagnosed was to enroll him in a group for aspie kids - it was sort of play therapy. He was in that for about a year and then we started to question why we were even sending him - it was about 45 minutes of the therapist trying to get the 4 boys in the group to cooperate, be imaginative and play out different scenarios (ie. "Worlds Worst Waiter). It just seemed like a waste of money so we don't do that anymore.

My son is an incredibly smart, verbal, really good kid with some very minor sensory issues -none that I think require therapy - other than buying him fabrics that are comfortable for him and not taking him to loud, noisy places - There! Therapy is complete!

He has had friends in the past - as many as he can tolerate- he gets to do fun things with a good friend he has met in the last year.

I guess the services he gets are all from his mom and dad and I used to think - maybe there is "something else" that we could do for him to make him not so Aspergerish. But that is so wrong - he does have Aspergers - it is who he is - No therapy will ever eradicate that from his being. It just seems like if your kid is diagnosed there is this pressure to DO SOMETHING - therapy, medication, something to make it go away.

I think the best service I can provide is education about the world, about Aspergers and about how you sometimes need to behave if you want to get along and have some measure of success in society.

There was a support group for parents of special needs kids that I attended for awhile but dropped out because it made me feel worse. My son is a "special needs" kid and I must need support -right? I really dislike that phrase "special needs" and sometimes need support but I get more of that on this board than at a "special needs parent support group"

I just wondered about the thoughts of other parents who have kids that don't need a lot of help just a lot of love and understanding and isn't that sometimes enough?

**Please know that I am in NO WAY discounting the struggles and trials of those that have kids that need lots of services because I have met a lot of those people and my heart goes out to them.

My son is enrolled in special ed, but it's mostly to keep him from getting treated like an NT and punished for his autistic traits. He's fully integrated in 2nd grade. We have requested social skills training but they are not qualified to do that, it seems. We enrolled with the state but don't receive any services at all. We're in the process of disenrolling with SSI because we don't financially qualify and don't want to deal with them anymore.

I'm currently studying some books by Michelle Garcia Winner, a SLP in California who wrote some excellent social skills training workbooks. They are meant for all sorts of kids with executive dysfunction (ADD/ADHD, ASDs-including AS, NVLD, ). I also have a textbook, Social Skills Training for Special Children that I use at home. I use cartoons and lists to communicate better at home. They rarely use these methods at school and only at my insistence.

I can speak as a parent who's son has enjoyed various services in the past, and we have been eliminating most of those services over the years, just trying to only keep what is absolutely necessary, and taking away what we feel is not working.

Our son has had a "therapy" preschool, multiple ABA therapists (during a one year period only), speech therapy at school, social skills help by the speech therapist at school, and weekly and bi-weekly social skills classes outside of school paid for by the state. ALL were beneficial, but when we decided to eliminate them, it was because our son had outgrown them or developed other problems that needed different therapies.

Specifically, he belonged to a social skills group outside of school. The Therapists were wonderful, the group was well-run, and they were very specific in their efforts to help precisely the things that a kid on the spectrum needed help with. The problem was not with the therapists, but rather the group of boys that were also attending. ALL of them were very nice kids, none of them were problem children at all -- the problem was that week after week, these boys would tell the same jokes that they as a group thought were funny, that NOBODY else would find funny. Very nonsensical jokes, or possibly a retelling of something seen on TV but taken out of context. They would LAUGH and LAUGH over this stuff for ten or fifteen minutes before class started, and then it would disrupt certain times DURING class. The therapists tried to work on it, but the "law of the pack" tended to overrule this. At this point, we felt the social skills class was more detrimental than a good thing.

At the same time, we discovered (as a result of many posts on this forum) that an acting school might do the same kinds of things that a social skills group would do. We switched over to the acting school and left the social skills group. My son totally enjoyed the social skills group, but he preferred the acting school and so it wasn't a problem.

At school, we've taken him out of the "special needs" communication arts class, and put him in reading lab. Next year, we will take him out of the "special needs" English class and put him in the regular English class. He does the middle school speech class, and we are leaving him there this year only because he loves it. We will reevaluate next year, and may take him out of that. He will be out of all special needs classes then. In elementary school, I think the special needs classes really served a purpose for him, but he seems to like having more challenging classes in middle school. If we see that he is struggling in a regular ed class, then we will shift him back to the special needs class.

Kris

I understand exactly what you're talking about! I have two sons with the AS. The oldest is 16, is in the gifted program at his highschool, has a group of friends, just started fencing classes and enjoys going out and doing things with his friends. I have had the occasional concern about him and he did see a therapist who told me what I already knew, he's happy, he's functioning fine so far. Unless he starts having trouble there are really no services that he needs.

My 13 year old receives all of the services he is eligible for and has accomodations at school such as using a word processor for his work. He does the same work as the others but in a different manner. I receive funding for him. He is a much lower functioning child than his brother. I make extra time to work on his social skills and he has a child youth worker who takes him out into the community and does activities with him to give me a small break for a few hours a week. If I am with him, he stands behind me and won't do things for himself because he is very shy. The youth worker is helping him get used to doing things on his own. He is having a harder time learning how to shop, advocate for himself, even something as simple as taking the city bus has been harder for him. He had Occupational therapy that helped him immensely with his fine motor skills and sensory issues.

I have wondered if my oldest son is missing out by not having therapy and accomodations. He is who he is. He isn't struggling. He's happy. He's making plans for university. He says just knowing that he has Asperger's and isn't just weird has helped him adjust. If he needs services or medication down the road we will certainly address that, but for now he's alright.

My 9 y/o DD does not have any services. She does have an understanding teacher who makes a few accomodations but doesn't even have an IEP. She's in the gifted education program, has a handfull of friends she plays with at school-never wants to invite them over though, and she seems to be very happy. I think she (just like I did) avoids the social scene, instead opting to play with her siblings. She doesn't like to go out- prefers to just stay home, but in a family of aspies, that's what we all prefer to do. We're a bunch of homebody reclusive geeks

My DD's issues are mostly emotional and she's very guarded about her behavior when she's away ffrom home, so it just manifests at home. I was told that was common for HFA/AS girls.

My son gets a lot of services. My purpose is not to turn him into a NT. He's an Aspie, and that's ok. I just want to do everything I can to make him a successful Aspie. To me, that means trying to improve his conversation skills and organization skills, and trying to teach him how to be successful socially.

I was in no way implying that actually getting services is a bad thing - just wondered how many kids don't really get too many and are doing fine.

I think that services that are specific to your child's needs are great and should be used for sure.

My husband and I have recently noticed when certain services are meeting the "law of diminishing returns". That doesn't mean the services themselves aren't good -- it means that our son has reached a certain level where that particular service isn't what he currently needs. or isn't meeting his needs.

Also, we are noticing other types of organizations that might not fit into what is called "therapy" but ends up serving the same purpose, i.e. the acting school. A tech club at middle school might provide socialization and working with others. Joining a scouting program might provide a forum to stretch abilities and learn to adapt to new situations.

Kris

Because all children are different for starters, and it is Autism "Spectrum" our children are all unique. Some will need therapy, modification and medication. Some will only need one of those. Some like my oldest son will be independent when they are older. Others like my youngest son will be more dependent on others to help him make his way in the world. There is no right or wrong. We all do the best we can for the unique children that we have.

Quote from Rachel46~ "I used to think - maybe there is "something else" that we could do for him to make him not so Aspergerish. But that is so wrong - he does have Aspergers - it is who he is - No therapy will ever eradicate that from his being. It just seems like if your kid is diagnosed there is this pressure to DO SOMETHING - therapy, medication, something to make it go away."

Quote from Rudolfsdad~ " My son gets a lot of services. My purpose is not to turn him into a NT. He's an Aspie, and that's ok. I just want to do everything I can to make him a successful Aspie. To me, that means trying to improve his conversation skills and organization skills, and trying to teach him how to be successful socially."


I agree with Rudolfsdad. maybe it seems from the outside looking in that we are looking to make aspergers go away......my son receives services, and i am most definitely thinking aspergers will go away. i just want son to be happy and healthy.

My son doesn't get any services, because, as long as he is allowed to be himself and make his own choices (within reason, obviously), he's a happy, sweet kid. I do wish he would socialize more, but I'd rather have a non-social child who is happy than a forced-social child who is depressed. And even with all his issues, he is generally pretty polite and open with people when he is around them.

My daughter on the other hand seems to struggle a lot, she seems more impaired than my son ever was, which concerns me because supposedly females are always less affected. She walks with her chin to her chest to avoid eye contact, recoils if you touch her,is pretty much nonverbal. So I am gladly getting her all the services she qualifies for, which right now is speech, OT and special instruction. I guess it boils down to how content/ at peace the child seems and just how worried you are, with your instinct, about your child.

My children are not yet receiving services. My daughter is four and HFA. She mainstreams well and her biggest issues are eye contact, perfectionism and needing order, regulating her voice volume and handling sensory overload (tactile and noise). I'm trying to get her therapy JUST for those and some social skills, but nothing seems to be a good fit. I'm not into the aggressive ABA approaches - it doesn't seem the right thing for us.

My son is autistic in the moderate range with a speech delay and "global developmental delay". From what I can tell, he is extremely smart, he just doesn't want to talk. He toe walks most of the time and flaps, carries himself in awkward postures and so on. However, he knows the entire alphabet and is picking up sign language faster than most kids are picking up spoken language. Since I have been working with him intensively (reading at least three books per day, saying alphabet and counting to 10 at least once a day, doing Baby Signing Time DVD once per day then practicing after, and offering praise and rewards for spoken words) he is making really incredible progress. In the past two weeks, he is saying four new words and signing at least a dozen new signs on a regular basis. The meltdowns are our biggest problem at present. Fotunately I have the time during the day, so I'm just doing all I can. The services in our area leave much to be desired anyway.

So yeah, we're kind of going it alone. I decided that I'd give it a few weeks to months, depending on how it goes, and see where we're at. If substantial-enough progress is made, I'll continue. If I feel they're lagging or if anything pops up, I'll get outside services. Mostly I just want to make sure they are successful in school and able to handle their sensory issues appropriately.

oops....in my last post i meant to say that i am most definitely NOT thinking aspergers will go away. it is so much a part of who my family is.

Ster, I knew what you meant when you typed that lol.

As for services, my son was just dx-d last june and then had a second opinion over the summer of Autistic Disorder. These were private evals. He is 11.

The school evaluated him and declared he didn't need any services with special ed and refused to accept my priv evals. UGH. STill fighting this one, anyway....

The only things I think would help him would be OT for his sensory and fine motor and he really needs help academically (has Dysgraphia also) and I would like for him to have a para in the classroom. His social skills are a strenght for him, he likes having friends, but if he didn't have any, it wouldn't bother him one bit KWIM?

He had speech in 2nd grade, before he got a formal dx, so he doesn't need that anymore (altho I question the times he has problems with dysfluency in his speech, particularly when he's trying to get alot out of his head at once and he has odd pauses, changes around words, almost stutters in mid sentence) but then again it may be a trait that theres nothing a speech therapist can do about that. I don't know.

Other than that I want some therapy, because he does have anger issue's that I finally had to put him on medication for, but I'm hoping the therapy will help so someday I can get him off these things.

Now thats my story, but my gosh if my son was doing as well as yours was, then hallalulah, horray for him! I do think if my son had been dx-d much earlier, I wouldn't of needed so much now. But as it is, every year gets harder for him to cope with.

Like everyone else I carry the same attitude with loving my child for who he is, Autism and all. I would never want him to be like an NT, because then his whole personality would change, and I would never want him to change, I just want him to be the best he can be, dx and all.

Lainie

I never got any special services when I was younger, and neither did my husband. I did have a much easier time surviving than he did, though, and he has had to rely so much on his siblings because on his own he is so completely lost. My father kind of showed me the ropes as much as he was able, plus I didn't have the physical delays that my husband had. But I did come very close to the edge a few times on my own. On top of my husband's delays, his parents were completely out of it (alcoholic, emotional problems, etc.) and didn't help him one bit. So he does not function well with other people AT ALL and it really does affect his personal and work life quite badly.

But our son is getting PLENTY of services and we have him in other things privately as well (On top of what Regional Center and the school district give him, we give him an extra hour of OT a week, plus a yoga and special ed gym class). He started out very similar to my husband in his delays, but he is outgrowning them while my husband still has a lot of them. Our son is more mature emotionally than my husband and is better able to handle himself out in public, even at his age.