google "suicide" "murder" "autism

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I was talking to someone who was so scared but completely discouraged about what the future held for her adult child with severe autism, that I wondered how common this despair was. I googled "suicide" "murder" "autism." There was story after story of parents who couldn't stand the idea of turning over their communicationally impaired, much loved children to complete strangers, where ever the county decides in an appropriate placement. Lots of stories. It's common! Is this a dirty little secret because it's too hard to do the right thing? Too hard to involve parents in projects where they work together to create lives outside there homes where their children can flourish? It doesn't cost extra money to get conversations started with all these parents who could someday show up on that Google page without these conversations.

The counties are able to monitor health and safety at the homes but not quality of life and not broken hearts.

In my daugher's case, I see the clock ticking, I see my husband and myself aging. I try to imagine what it will be like when we can't properly care for our daughter. It brings back memories of my most beloved dog, Samantha. She was very sick and needed surgery. After the surgery, the veterinarian said that I could go to her cage and visit her. Samantha was so happy to see me. She was lost without being at my side. She was emotional. I was emotional. Then.... I had to leave, leave her in the cage and walk away. I heard desperate heart wrenching yelps from her. She didn't understand how I could leave her, in her condition, so much in need of the comfort only I could give her. It was so hurtful but, at least, I knew that I could make it up to her after she recovered. We'd be back together and I'd spoil her again.

The vet called later that evening that said Samantha was dead.

I don't think I could visit my daughter and then walk away. I remember what Samantha went through when I walked away. I think if I have nothing to say about my daughter's future and have to give her up, I'll probably numb myself through booze forever after and not ever get over it.

That made me kinda sad, i could not imagine being in your situation with your dog let alone your daughter. I know it may be difficult if not impossible to care for your daughter for the rest of your life but perhapse for the time being you could?? maby. Im sure someday you wont be able to, and I have no idea what I would do in your situation, but whatever you decide, as hard and painfull as it may be, i know you will make the right decision, good luck!

Thank you, woodsman. What really bothers me is that I'm not alone, just separated by everyone else who is in this position. What if I found nine other families like me and we pitched in an bought an apartment complex where we give decent rent to decent care givers for some units, people like my daughter in other units and people like my husband and me living somewhere on the proporty, too, getting older but there to see to the well being of my daughter, others like her and the care givers where they're all cared about and secure. It doesn't seem that hard.

I think it would be fun to get old and have fun with autistic adults with none of the work. My daughter loves art and music. So that's all we'd do all day after I passed off the care giving to a more energetic abled bodied care giver.

I keep pushing on my daughter's social worker about this. The social worker says that parents don't want to think about the oncoming trainwreck until it's a crisis and then it's too late to plan something,

(((OregonBecky)))

Your story made me cry. Big hugs going out to both you and your daughter. I see you had a dog named Samantha. That was the name of my favorite cat.

Thanks so much, Catmom and hugs right back to you.