I'm just so tired, as I'm sure most of you parents are

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Here's my rant for the day --

and before I begin, my son is a good kid, tries really hard, is actually very bright, and is doing really pretty great.

BUT . . .

I'm tired of having to always predict what his needs are

I'm tired of having to read all of his text books to be able to prepare him for tests/quizzes/papers

I'm tired of not getting help for his Math homework from my husband, who's the math genius (whereas I was the social butterfly)

I'm tired of having to teach and reteach and reteach the same concepts, only to have to teach my son the same concepts again TOMORROW

I'm tired of having to figure out how to deal with stupid teachers who are so lazy that they only give quizzes, they don't give really verifiable information on what to study for said quizzes, and they give the quizzes VERBALLY, having the students only write the answers, so that when the quiz is brought home and my son has missed a couple of answers, I don't have a clue what the questions were and can't help him figure out how he got the questions wrong in the first place!

I'm tired of not knowing what is going on at school, so that most of the nine-week grading period is over with by the time we go in for his IEP meeting

I'm tired of the fact that the school has provided so much support, whether my son needed it or not, that now he waits for and expects support, even when it's not needed

I'm tired of the fact that I'm the only one worried enough about my son to read up on his syndrome.

I'm tired of always having to be patient, and I'm tired of feeling guilty when I am not patient

I'm tired of worrying about his future, and I'm tired of constantly reassuring myself that, in the end, he will be OK

Anyone have the same trouble?

Kris

Last edited by schleppenheimer on 16 Sep 2007, 6:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

You need a license to drive a car, to own a hair salon and even to go fishing. But, to be a parent... there is nothing to prepare you
for the job of parenthood. Hang in there! Someday, it will all prove worthwhile.

I understand you say this is a rant, I won't criticize. I would just like to exclude myself from the "as I'm sure most of you parents are" [tired]. I can't say I share those attitudes.

Most days I don't share those attitudes, either. It's just been cumulative, frustrating days lately. Parents of older kids probably often feel this way. I didn't feel this way when my son was five. And I don't feel this way when I am dealing just with my son, who is the nicest, happiest kid in the world -- honestly!

Kris

And, I'm pushing 50 now, which greatly contributes to why I'm so tired.

Kris

I feel !
Caring is important. Best of luck and may the force be with you!

NB: Patience is a virtue. Of course anger will solve nothing (and kowingly will only make vthings worse)

Kris, may I call you Kris?, I think I understand how you are feeling. Our son Z is a wonderful kid, BUT he can wear a person out, "especially" a parent pushing hard on 60. I'm only going to adress the two lines I've quoted, because I am tired, physically and emotionally. I will check back on this thread and will probabbly address other parts later.

About being patient.... Z is 10 and I have been "Dad" for the last 5 years. I have found that he is not always patient an have learned that I don't have to be either. We are trying to teach our Aspie children how to exist in a world that does not understand them and which they do not understand. They need to understand that they are not the only ones who can get upset with other people. Personally I think it better if they learn this from someone who loves and tries to understand them than from someone who may knock the s..tuffing out of them. As for feeling guilty about losing your patience, go ahead, then turn that guilt into positive action and try to figure out what he did and what you did to push you over the edge. This works for me (sometimes) in handling a similar situation when it arises. Like all kids, Aspie and NT, Z is constantly testing his boundries, trying to see just how far we will let him go before he gets into trouble. Could your son be doing the same thing?

Regarding worrying about his future. First thing, you are a parent, you are going to worry. I would be very concerned if you didn't. Second thing, Just a thought I came across the other day, " Worry is interest paid on bad things that haven't happened, and may not happen". Worry a little but try not to pay too much unecessary interest. Believe me I know this is hard advice to follow.

A quick question, you may consider it rhetorical or you may answer it if you wish. Are you getting time for yourself? For any parent that time away from your child or children allows you to put things back into perspective and to regain a little of your strength and stamina. Cor, my wife, and I consider the fact that every so often we " escape" from our kids a contributing factor to their continued longevity (please see the sarcastic humor here).

Come here and rant or cry or throw a temper tantrum if you need to. Someone here will understand and, if nothing else, it is good therapy.

Good luck and I hope this helps a little.

Corsarzs, that was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.

Usually, I feel as if I handle things fairly well, mostly because my son doesn't exhibit some of the classic problems of AS. He is a very sweet, kind, thoughtful, easy-going kid. Unfortunately, this contributes to much of what is the current problem with him, which is his not being aware enough of his surroundings to fully know what is expected of him in the way of homework, books, assignments, etc. That, combined with one or two teachers who (without knowing it) contribute to his inability to know what's going on, are driving me up a wall. I am also frustrated with my inability to keep all of this together, all the while trying to teach him independence. I think that right now I am expecting too much of him. I am also afraid that if I don't expect him to do his part, that he will never learn. This is not unlike what we struggle with for any child -- AS or NT.

I am getting time for myself periodically, but I'm under a lot of pressure (minor pressure -- nothing major) from a bunch of different areas -- my little business, my husband being out of town two days a week, my daughter needing a lot of driving around, church obligations, etc. -- and this doesn't help the situation.

And by the way, I love this --

-- yes, that one gave me a good laugh! Thank you!

Maybe the hubby and I just need to go out and see a movie. But your comments really helped a lot.

Kris

Kris,

just hang in there! We all know that some days are just worse than others and there is no rhyme or reason to it! You do what you gotta do because you love your child and want the best for them. Even though it is exhausting sometimes! And when we're tired, little things sometimes seem bigger! Please feel free to rant and rave here anytime! That's what we're all here for because we all (parents) have to stick together because no one knows and understands what we are all going through, and it changes all the time! Hope I made sense, sometimes I think I am rambling (hmmm, must be the tiredness!). Blessings to you and your family!

Hang in there. I think most of us have days where we're just sick and tired. I know parents of children without issues have those days too. Parenting is hard and often thankless work no matter the child you're raising. I have days where I second guess myself and doubt my ability as a parent and if I'm really giving my kids what they need.

I'm new to the school advocacy thing too, so I'm treading new waters. We don't have an IEP and we may need one with DD's issues with homework. We're geting a feel of how things are going. Being AS myself, it's very hard for me to be her advocate and to approach her teachers and school administration on her behalf.

Good luck and hang in there.

Kris, glad to be of some help. Parenting any child can be a challenge. Regarding taking time for yourself and husband, if you can find someone you trust with your son try for an overnight stay somewhere. It might give you some uninterupted time for mor adult "comunication". Just a thought.

Last week was one of those "fiasco" weeks. Poor son failed a quiz, and then had his version of a meltdown (probably tears and worry, saying that his parents are going to kill him when they see this quiz -- which we never do -- we are calm and try to see what the problem was, but he still worries anyway).

But the failing of the quiz and his subsequent reaction got some things rolling at the school. The teacher realized there IS a problem (I had written him earlier in the week trying to briefly describe our son's issues, but teacher had not responded), and got together with the special ed director. We are to have a "team" meeting with our son's teachers, where I'm assuming they will first hear of his problems with hearing information verbally. This science teacher was very kind and gave us more information about the quiz, and gave him a chance to retake it, which allowed my son to properly study things that were actually on the quiz, and the special ed director made the quiz into an honest to gosh quiz on paper, rather than a verbal quiz, and our son got a perfect score. I don't care about perfection, because that would drive all of us crazy to strive for that -- but I do care that my son has a fighting chance to do OK on tests and quizzes. He likes to learn, but nobody likes to study all night for something and then take a quiz where NONE of the stuff you studied for is on said quiz. This happens due to miscommunication between teachers and parents (yes, I screwed up -- again), and yet there are some great teachers out there who prepare their kids, send home written information, and let the kids know what will be on the quizzes/tests. No matter what, though, the science teacher was very kind and very good about writing emails and encouraging my son that he did a great job. That's worth it's weight in gold. Then we had another teacher who is our son's reading teacher (and who witnessed the meltdown) call us, and talk with my husband, reassuring him that she had a special needs son and he is now a fully functional adult, and our son will be too. Very kind.

Things are still not great, but the direction they are going towards is positive. And the funny thing is, our son is still always happy and cheerful. How does he do that? [I'm scared that puberty might change this!]

Kris

It's pointless worrying about the future because you'll only make yourself sick. All I can suggest is to take each day as it comes and do your best to enjoy your son.

Kris, will you humor me for a second? I've been away from WP for awhile busy with things like death in the family, Cor in the hospital, trying to take care of two 10 year olds and avoiding cops. Your son, age 11, has a dx and an IEP in place, correct? He has also transitioned to what I would call Middle school, about sixth grade and you live in the United States?

Now I'll do as my kids do, continue without verification or permission. Don't teachers check their students' records before classes start for the year? It shouldn't take a meltdown to make them realize that one or more of their student s may not react in the same manner as the majority of their students.
It sounds to me as if this meeting with his teachers (which is a good thing) could have been avoided if they had made themselves aware they would be dealing with a special needs child. Just because our kids have a dx doesn't mean they can't function on level or even above. What they need is instructors who are aware that these kids may need a slightly different nudge to bring out their ful potential, ie. a written instead of a verbal quiz. I hope you can awaken some of these teachers who have fallen into the trap of thinking every child can be pressed into their pre-conceived mold of the perfect student out of their complacency.

How can you son remain happy and cheerful? Could it be that he knows he is safe and secure at home with parents who love him? Z has his moments, half an hour ago I was a cruel and mean old man he never wanted to be near again (I had to discipline him). Five minutes ago he tritted through the house and said "I love you, Dad." They do not see the world exactly as NTs do, and who is to say NT perception is correct.

Please stick around WP. Z announced the other day "I'm starting to go through puberty." I'm sure I'm going to need someone to co-miserate with and to swap notes with.

Good luck with the meeting. Progress often grows from disaster and it sounds as if you've already had the first part of that equation.

PS Just kidding about the cops, I used to be one.

Agreed. Parents worry way too much about things beyond their control. Worrying will just make you son more uptight, and more negative about his situation.

Man, I love you parents on this site! I always get a fresh perspective from all of you.

I honestly try not to worry -- it's not in my nature to do so most of the time (sure didn't worry much with the first two kids!). But I think that it's hard when you have these kids, fantastic kids in my opinion, who just need a little bit of unusual methods to reach their potential.

This is absolutely right. But I get the distinct feeling that often, the teachers don't get any idea of what their special needs kids are like before they begin teaching class. That's why I wrote a short introductory email to explain what the potential problems would be. Now, getting the teachers to actually READ the info is another story. All the other teachers responded in some way, only the one teacher we are having some problems with did not respond.

It is good that we had the fiasco last week, because the meeting that we are to have this week could be the beginning of cleaning up the little mess that is currently going on.

I often marvel at my son's cheerfulness, because I am often the "cruel and mean old woman" who makes his life miserable. Both my husband and I try our best to be patient, and we can handle it most of the time. But there are days when we just can't comprehend why things don't make sense to him. Then, there are those other days where he runs through the house, happy as a clam, looking at the world in new and novel ways, and we say to each other "He's the one that knows how the world should be." I wish everybody (including me) was like him.

Kris