For parents: Obesity and AS a deadly combination

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I'd like to speak to all the parents with overweight AS kids... AS kids usually have poor social awareness as it is, so being obese as well is doubly deadly to their self-esteem. I say this because when I was kid I became suicidal over the extreme degree's of social ostracism. It wasn't until I lost the weight that I felt a lot better about myself and girls started approaching me that my confidence lifted.

Competence is the ONLY confidence, as a kid I was as pathetic as I felt I was. So do not let your child stay overweight, I implore you. Especially for the AS guys... they will have much much less of a chance chance with girls in highschool or college if they are fat. Not to mention socializing with guys as well.

PEOPLE REACT TO YOU DIFFERENTLY when you are thin vs. when you are fat... it's a law of nature! It's a 'subtle' prejudice but only people who've been really fat and lost a lot of weight can tell you it's the truth. Kids will by and large stay away from ugly kids or pick on them.

If I were parenting my AS child, I would never allow him or her to become fat, period. I would force my child into a weightloss bootcamp if it came to that, despite all ravings to the contrary because she/he can't see how this will effect their social relations and put people off from even approaching them, initiating chat, etc.

YOU are the adult, and your child is the child. So you have to make the best decisions when your child is incapable of seeing the larger reality. You're the one who's lived years, not your child. Do not give in!

Last edited by ZakFiend on 01 Oct 2007, 8:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

What if the parent is anorexic, and the child not fat at all objectively, but "fat" in the parent's eyes? Who is going to see more of the "larger reality" then, and who is going to be the real cause of suffering?

I agree completely about obesity, though, as in real medical obesity.

my mom was not anorexic, about 5'3, under 100lbs, but looked right, not too skinny or fat, but she mostly only eats jelly beans and diet coke, and she commented negatively on my weight after i surpassed her in height and breast size... but looking back at pictures of my younger self, i was actually pretty cute and skinny. and i had never really thought about weight before, but then i started to worry and stress about it, so i agree that saying anything at all can be just as unhelpful in some cases, like if the kid is not really fat!

I'm fat, and I'm also very happy, thankyou.

Sid

ZakFiend, my question to you is have you ever considered the fact that not all obesity in children stems solely from over-eating of food/junk food and that the family can have genetic factors and all that a child could inherit that increases the potential for obesity?

Forcing a child to weightloss bootcamp? Yes what you are doing here is making it look like you as a parent don't accept your child as they are and that they are imperfect if they are over-weight. Yes that also deals a blow to a child's self-confidence when the parents criticize their appearance and all. What if your genetics and genetics of your family and all made that child prone to obesity in the first place?

There is no simple answer to this, all you can do is your best to teach your child proper eating habits and hope you've taught them well.

I was overweight as a child, still am. I don't think it affected me as much as my other social problems. I don't even think the two are related.

I don't see myself as terribly fat though, just on the high end range of still having regular "proportions."

My personality and my weight kind of fuse into one... I've acquired this sort of jolly fat man persona. And I'm pretty casual and friendly... I actually think it's helped me.

Having healthy kids is important, but you don't have to be skinny to have that. Parents efforts would be better spent in helping the kid be competent. When they are competent in something, they'll have confidence. Socially, confidence is better to have than an ideal weight...

I am also AS and mostly obese all my life. I can't tell when I am 'full' and tend to just eat for the comfort it gives me, as I have been in dire and abject poverty in my life and being hungry makes me very, very anxious.

as for my self esteem, I have no idea if I have it or not. What does self esteem feel like?

Dear mish, if your child sits at home and plays nintendo all day and never goes out and plays sports it's highly likely he's overweight because he doesn't do much. I know from experience.

If you want to know if you're kid is over-eating you have to measure the calorie/energy density of the food, it's not always the SIZE of the food that matters, it's the energy density. If a kid has a sedentary lifestyle then his fatness is directly correlated with his inactivity. There may be an inclination genetically to store more food as fat, but that's not an excuse for living unhealthily.



Who cares about "acceptance"... tell that to my mother who almost lost her son, it's this mamby pamby apathy (not seeing the real problem and wanting to solve it) that's at the crux of many aspie childrens issues... there parents don't have any brains or wits about them, they've bought into "pamper your child parenting". Your kid is not an adult, you are!



This whole "Accept the child as he is" is exactly why many teenagers kill themselves, they do so because they don't fit in and no one had the balls to speak up and say "hey if you want to be accepted, you got to improve yourself!". I know people from my highschool who attempted on their life due to social ostracism. What you say is fine for YOUR relationship with the kid, but it is not fine for OTHER peoples relationships with your kid. He will eventually have to be on his own so it's better that he's prepared for the real world where prejudice, both subtle and extreme, is rampant.

All this rhetoric is fine and dandy, but tell that when your son becomes suicidal because he can't get a date or get laid and he wants to be desperately loved...

I'm telling you how it is for many AS guys (not all) there are certainly are EXCEPTIONS to the rule, but I'm speaking of how being fat effects one's social life as an AS male who's been there and has had to LIVE THROUGH IT and it was tough.

Losing weight is very easy, it's mathematical - expend more energy then you take in.

Last edited by ZakFiend on 01 Oct 2007, 8:53 am, edited 4 times in total.

Being valued by others and by yourself is what's self-esteem is about...

Being valued by the opposite sex, having friends, being invited to parties... having a good time and making jokes with other people. Self esteem is measured by one's competence (i.e. grades, job, etc).

I'm talking about people who have a firm grasp on reality!

I'm a mother of an autistic child and I'm also a female with AS and I know that it's not easy having some people constantly nagging on about one's appearance because of it, I spend years thinking I was fat when I was only 90lbs! How the hell do you call that healthy? Do you call griping at someone till they start starving themselves healthy? Both my sons are perfectly healthy, they are the right weight for their height and age. Hate to tell you that while what might work for you doesn't work for everyone and being too overcritical of a child can have the opposite effect on them and they could just end up becoming obese because they give up caring because they feel they can't be right in their parents or other's eyes.

My mum wanted a Barbie Doll. She ended up with Sid. part of it has to do with genetics, and part of it has to do with my rebellious, "Don't care" attitude.

Well, I can't really improve on the comments here. Y'all said it pretty well.

I can add that "weak parenting" and permissiveness doesn't create obesity. My parents were severely disiplined and yet, my dad was fat all his life. He has medical conditions due to his eating problems. He was shamed by his family for being fat and instead of "toughening up" and getting "healthy", he ignored his problems and ate his way to a destroyed back, destroyed hip, high cholesterol, hypertension and severe depression. He also became an emotionally abusive parent.
My mother was perfect for her size, yet, she managed to diet her way into obesity too. Now she's on cholesterol meds.
I won't diet and I won't teach my son to diet. I won't call him tubalard or fatass like my dad called us. I was underweight and when I developed, I got teased for it. Like I could control my hips and boobs.

I'm sorry you ate your way to low-self esteem. But there are other ways to maintain a healthy body than fat-shame and bootcamp. Forcing children to diet screws up their metabolism and their heads and hormones.

I was very, very underweight when I was younger (At age ten I was 4'0" and 39 lbs.), but by no means anorexic. I just couldn't gain weight! But I am now happy to report I am at a healthy 5'3" and 91 lbs. Obesity is an issue that's rising in America, but people need to remember that it's not going to affect every single citizen. I'd have to say family's the biggest factor. And fortunately for me, my family is thin.

people who have a firm grasp on reality???

oh dear oh dear she shakes her head...

(p.s. i hate Barbies and love Sids. and do not think the opinion of the plastic people matters much, but if that is who you mean by "girls" then um, sure. grasp away. but i find i can hold much more interesting things (air, space, the ocean) with my hands flexed wide and my fingers splayed apart.)

hmm ZakFiend, i somewhat disagree with you, cause when i was in school i was great weight, and never was asked out on a date and still felt like crap, even for 20+ years i was not obese at all, the last 2-3 years i guess i'v gained some more weight and i feel fine, you see as an adult i think as long as you have something you like and can stay busy with it is healthy, even on the nintendo for 12 hours a day, would be fine for me. cause that is what i'm interested in. when i get bored of the nintendo and or the computer in my case, and feel like doing something else then i'll move on. theres no reason to do something that i'm not interested in, that will just end up wanting to commit suicide more. i do take walks every 2 hours and do what i can to do excersize, but simply telling people not to become obese without knowing what there life is like, is not only dangerous, but telling people what to do is not right, if that person wants to lose weight, then he will lose weight, cause he wants too, if he wants to be obese and just enjoy his life, then thats his choice...