Crying about EV-ERY-THING

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I know kids cry. I know toddlers throw tantrums. My son deals with everything by having a whining meltdown, which often culminates in him throwing himself down on the floor. You tell him to get out of the stereo, it's dramatic crying. You gently take your cell phone from his hands, same result. You redirect him from something he is doing, that you've told him 8.6 billion times not to do, same result. Always the crying. You don't get his food fast enough (it takes 20 seconds on average to heat his little Gerber dinners) and again with the crying. Our mood and demeanor has nothing to do with the result. Whether he is being scolded or gently redirected, he breaks down immediately. He cries about everything.

He's turning two next month. His vocabulary includes: I did it!, done, jump, eat, hello, and hi (which he also uses for goodbye). I figure his crying is because he doesn't speak. But it's just getting overwhelming. Two straight years of constant crying for everything. His communication is about that of an infant. He's extremely bright, understands things, knows what things are and will point to them. But the crying. By the end of the day I'm at wits end, it's very difficult to handle the constant noise. The longest he goes without a tearful meltdown is about 10 minutes, unless he is very engaged in something (Baby Einstein videos, he loves those). Yeah. 10 minutes. No kidding.

Please, if anyone has any suggestions on how to handle the tearful frequent meltdowns, let me know. We are trying to teach him sign language now to bridge the communication gap. So far the only sign he uses is candy (which he learned for Halloween)

Hurrah! That's something! More will keep coming.

I'm not one to offer much advice. My son is just a month older than yours and has similar troubles with his emotions, though he has a bit more trouble reigning in his excitement than his frustration (but the net effect of that loudness is still a ringing headache for mummy ). I just wanted to tell you that I empathize and I hope things get easier.

How are you responding to the meltdowns right now? Some kids seem to fare better when left to deal with their emotions on their own, while others can't seem to manage without hugs and help.

How is his receptive language? You said he understands a lot. Do you find that he understands your requests, even though he can't respond?

Right now I'm trying to implement the F.I.T. technique with my son:

Feel (name the child's emotion and sympathize)
Intervene (make sure the right thing occurs)
Tell (....then say the rule)

Put together it looks like this: "I know that you would really like to have that candy right now..." *remove candy or child from situation* "...but you may not have any until after dinner."

The "feeling" part is really difficult for me as an aspie. I don't instinctively want to "feel" for him, nor do I always know how. But it works a lot better with my son's temperament than my usual "just the facts" style of dealing with kids.

That may not be applicable to your situation, but I wanted to share.

Thanks!

I've been doing something similar to that FIT technique. When he gets into meltdown mode, I go to him, try to get his focus, say I know he is frustrated but we're going to use words instead of tantrums. I help him by signing some things he may possibly want and saying them aloud. I'll say "hug?" and sign for hug. I'll mention blanket, bear, book - things that may comfort him. Sometimes he acts receptive, sometimes the meltdown is too intense and he just cries it through and eventually (abruptly) stops and goes on to something else.

Heh, never a dull moment. It does help to hear from other parents. Every bit of information I can learn can benefit my kids.

You sound so calm and collected. Whatever you've got, mail me some and I'll take it!

LOL! I don't feel calm all the time, believe me. But I have to remain calm. If I didn't, this place would turn to pure insanity in a matter of seconds. I have my moments were I just get overwhelmed and need to go off by myself for a drive with some really loud music - so loud I can't even think of anything else. Or I run on the treadmill. Or sometimes I just cry for a good half hour. Thankfully my husband truly understands, and he affords me the opportunities to take breaks like mentioned above. I honestly do not know how people do it with two (or even one!) ASD children without having help from someone who really gets it or has a lot of patience.

I've found that my (NT) kids pick up a lot of language from TV. You might try some TV with more words (Little Einsteins & Dora seem to be favourites at my house) and encourage them to interact with the TV. Little Einsteins has a lot of singing; Dora has a fair bit of pointing. Both "ask" the kids questions.

Of course, with an ASD it may not even help at all - sometimes a late talker is just a late talker - but it might be worth seeing if he's interested in interacting with the TV. (That said, he doesn't sound like he's that far behind other kids I've seen his age. One of my wife's friend's kids is alm).

I'm always really grateful for the kids I've got - they're pretty well behaved. I hope you can find something that works for you!

just be happy that he's only 2 and crying and throwing himself on the floor~ my daughter is almost 9 and still does this

just try to ride it out, i guess.

Ditto, but mine is 9 1/2 and still throws herself on the floor, screaming and crying- sometimes jumping up and down, stomping instead of throwing herself on the floor.

My 5 y/o will cry about everything too, especially if his routine is messed up somehow. If he can't watch Buzz Lightyear of Star Command the minute he gets home from school, it's melt-down time. Every day, when I turn off the TV after his show, he screams and cries. Whenever he's told he can't have what he wants, he screams and cries. I found out this morning that if his backpack has a rip in it that I need to fix and I give him another one to use(his favorite Buzz LIghtyear one, reserved for special trips to G-ma's and other special places- it's too small to fit his homework folder), he'll scream and cry because it's not the right backpack. Aurgh!

When my 9 y/o is stressed, she cries. When she makes a mistake, she cries. When her little NT sister is bugging her, she cries. When she's told to do something, she cries. We send her to her room nearly every time she bursts out in tears. It's really helped. We basically give her a slow count of 3, then it's off to her room until she can compose herself and come back and function. We do the same with the 5 y/o. It does help for them to be able to decompress and get a handle on their emotions, away from the situation of people that caused the meltdown. The consistency has helped them learn to reign in their crying a bit- they often calm down with the count to 3 and a chill-out is not needed.

jennyfoo~ any thoughts about crying in school ?

I was an extreme perfectionist and would become upset if I felt I did a less than perfect job. I cried easily, but I think I was just coming down from being bullied and harassed at school. Luckily, I was a good student and had my academics to save me.

This is where we've been very fortunate, or perhaps unfortunate. I don't know. My kids are unnbelievably composed and well-behaved at school. As far as I know, neither of them has ever cried at school- except last week when I interrupted my 5 y/o's class activity that he was enjoying to pull him out for a Dr. appt- he burst out in tears, but no audible crying. My 9 y/o keeps in check at school and mostly in public- she's prone to crying melt-downs once we get to the "safety" of our car if she's been having a hard time while we've been out though. She's extremely sensitive and seems to run on a high anxiety level, so anything can push her buttons and cause her to melt down.

I was told by the Autism experts at the UC Davis MIND Institute that my daughter presents like most HFA or Asperger's girls. They are underdiagnosed because they do not usually have the ADHD or impulse control issues that boys have- or are able to reign it in in public and school settings, but have more problems in the safety of home- where they're away from the scrutiny of the public. The Dr. told me that she suspects that the amount of girls with HFA is near or equal to the amount of boys with it, but the personality differences in girls tend to mask their HFA more so it's not diagnosed as often.

Sorry I don't have any suggestions for school other than having the teacher give her a "safe place" away from the other kids- where they can't see her and can't hear her- to unwind and decompress. I have this arrangement with 9 y/o's teacher. She and her teacher have a secret signal and if she needs some "chill-out" time, she uses the secret signal and is dismissed to the teacher's lounge between the 4th grade classes. She's only needed it once this year- when the girl she was partnered with on a project was getting on her nerves terribly and she was getting overwhelmed. LOL!

thanks for the advice....right now she doesn't have any sort of safe haven~ heck, i don't even think they're keeping data on her !
i waiver back and forth between believing that she has Aspergers, and realizing that her current dx is ADHD~ both dxes are actually amazingly similiar in some components. i'm meeting with her teachers tomorrow to discuss the school meltdowns.