Others Reactions to Your Child's Diagnosis?

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I've been met with some odd reactions. My father was at a loss for words for the first time in my life. He seemed...disappointed? My mother demanded I not speak of this with my daughter in the room, because her self-esteem might be destroyed forever if I let her know she is autistic. My sister hasn't uttered a word to me, despite learning of this. My friends are avoiding me. On MySpace, the daily regulars who chatter regardless of what's going on, have uniformly vanished without a trace.

I'm not all wigged out, sobbing into my pillow and expecting those who know me to display some politically correct show of pity about the whole thing. I don't feel sorry for myself, and I don't feel sorry (in a pitiful manner) for my daughter. I'm tough as nails, and so is she.

I know that disabilities make some people very uncomfortable, but this one isn't something you really have to give much thought to, if any, unless it's your child. I don't think of high-functioning autism as a disability, I think of it as a different set of abilities. Most people who have high-functioning autism will merely appear to you as quirky. As most here probably know, unless someone told you a person has HFA, you likely wouldn't know.

Furthermore, I don't need to be treated differently. I'm still me, I always have been, always will be. If people want to discuss autism or ask questions, I won't be offended. I'll welcome the dialogue. If they don't want to talk about autism, I won't be offended either. I expect people to just act as they always have. Maybe I'm an idiot.

Anyone else get this?

I don't even know where people get the idea to act like that.

People are weird. When I found out I had AS five years ago, I planned out carefully how and who I'd tell. I told my closest friends soon afterward and they've treated me the same and some eventually forget I have AS which is fine by me. So far, no one has started treating me differently and it does help that they know because then they are more patient. I'm pretty clueless on many everyday things so I often ask who/what is that a lot and I noticed that my friends don't get as annoyed as people who don't know me when I have to ask them to repeat what I just said about 4 or 5 times because my brain didn't process it correctly. To this day, only a select handful of my friends know I have AS because I don't want to spead it around school that I have AS because I don't know how people will react. I have told teachers but only when necessary or when they ask us to tell us about ourselves. I would just hate it if people started treating me differently or worse, curelly picking on me, if they knew. I'm already a target for teasing and it has lessen significatly since elementry school and people already look at me as if I'm some sort of freak from another planet and it could be worse if they knew. I would only tell people after I've known them long enough to know that they won't treat me any differently just because they knew I had As or whatever. I get you, siuan, I get you. Some NT's are like that because they aren't sure how to treat you. Act normally, NT's. If we need help or we don't feel comfertable, we can tell you. Relax, NT's, relax. -PowerGirl

Heh, not many people know I have it.

My mom laughs about it nicely sometimes, sonetimes she gets angry with me about it.

My Dad doesn't want to believe it and insists that I'm just acting.

My friend who lives across the country doesn't care any different.

My youth leader feels special and honored that I told her.

My teachers all treat me nicer. My math teacher who has a er...more 'severely' autistic son has started to treat me like him to some extent, which makes me feel sort of bad.

Different people react in different ways. It depends on their personality how they'll take it.

I'm not very social to begin with, so it's hard to say how people treated us before and after. My mom treated it like a progressive illness for a while, "praying" for my son when I told her about impending appointments. I was like, "so you're praying for it not to be autism?! What is it then?!"
A friend of mine (who isn't a really good friend after all) kept dismissing everything I ever said with, "all kids do that". She was a nanny for rich, neglected kids and before was a cook for poor, neglected kids. that was her experience with kids.
The only one who was actually better after the diagnosis was my grandma. Before if I told her about my son not talking or not doing something "on time", it was met with,"Of course he doesn't, you don't make him!" Like I was just spoiling him for the fun and games.
But after hearing about autism, it turned out she had experience with autistic kids and has been the most helpful of all my relatives. Tangible help.

Most people, after meeting my son, will try and be positive and point out how "he really doesn't seem autistic after all". Which isn't really helpful or encouraging to us. 1)it shows that they see autism as "bad" and 2)it feels dismissive of our daily experience and knowledge.

I really don't know what would cause such a reaction as you are describing. It sounds like you know too many people and the odds are that they are huevones.

I am kind of getting a similar reaction, I think. My relatives seem to think that it is all in my head sometimes. Especially since our son is such an easy kid in public. Lots of people think that he's really just "shy," whatever that means. At least one of my sisters thinks that all his delays have been created by me because I am too protective of him. I was so thankful when I spoke to a children's therapist who told me that children are very resilient and even under the worst parenting, a neurotypical child will not experience global delays like our son has. I was feeling so terrible. I still do sometimes.

It seems like the people who have experiences with autism first had are the most understanding. One of my best friends, who is a teacher, kind of believes me now about my son because we have talked about some of the kids at her school who are having sensory problems, and a lot of what I have been saying is making sense to her in what she sees going on with them.

My in-laws are nicer to me (they actually speak to me now), I guess because they know how unusual my husband is, and I think that they are somewhat thankful that there seems to be an explanation for all of it and that I am taking to time to help and figure it all out. I think they were really frightened that there was something worse going on, so they seem relieved that we are getting help for our son now.

For whatever reasons these people are avoiding you, I know it can be very isolating!

I think we have all received strange responses to when our children were diagnosed. My friends and family were fine with the diagnosis, but neighbors and acquaintances have all had strange reactions.

I think sometimes family members take this diagnosis hard -- especially if the grandparents are close to the child. They may be hurting in response.

Maybe these people just need time to adjust.

Kris

My neighbors have been great, my parents have been horrible...my mother insists there's nothing wrong, that the kiddo is not speaking because we moved and changed languages...but he was 3 when we moved and did not speak anyway...She ignores the other obvious symptoms...My dad just doesn't much talk about it, until NOW that Jenny McCarthy came out and I think he is now getting it and being a bit more open about it...My sister at first said nothing, but after I made the connection between the dyslexia her daughter has and my son's autism, she is much more understanding and open...her kids have also reacted much better as before they just thought my kiddo was spoiled rotten and wouldn't play with him...Now they are awesome with my kiddo...My grandmother? She tells everyone my son is fine that the reason he doesn't talk is because he's at home alone with me...My co-workers have been amazing! Sending me information, books, even food for his diets and not asking anything in return...Just amazing...Very understanding of me taking time for therapies, etc...

Sadly, my parents are the worse and I think it may be related to the fact that they would have to take a look at themselves...you see, if indeed my son has it, it could either be the whole diet/metals issue (which of course, when I attempted that they said I was crazy) or the whole genetic thing...and THAT would mean that he got it from me and that my parents did a crappy job understanding me and instead were very cruel to me growing up...So they would rather just not really accept it.

Siuan, would your parents read over some written information about autism if you gave it to them? I know that when I tell people that I suspect I have Asperger's, they blow me off because they don't know what it is, and when I tell them it's very similar to high-functioning autism, they start squawking about how I can't possibly be autistic because autism is a terrible debilitating disease

Both my kids got dx'd this past May, at ages 5(ds) & 15(dd).

My Mum said "ridiculous, she's just like you! (der!!) there's nothing wrong with her" (there's nothng "WRONG" with either of my kids, just different!) Don't you DARE tell ANYONE, ESPECIALLY in the family, about her!! ! (dd is nanas' little blue eyed angel) He (ds) is just a spoilt brat, you just need to be harder of him... give him a few smacks, hit/kick/ bite him back when he does it to you"

Most poeple i know are surprised at dd - but i spent SO much time teaching her how to act "normal" 'cos i got bullied so much at school. DS, many people are surprised it's AS, and not A.D.H.D. - tho' the psych said it could be that as well as the AS.

Saying that, the folks i know with kids on the spectrum say things like "at last, a professional has seen it!! ! We've known for months!"

Hmmm...