How to teach stranger danger?

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Hi! I'm very new here about 15mins new lol. I need some advice.
I have an newly diagnosed 8yr old aspie son. He is very touchy feely and very much in your face. He knows the rules of dont talk to strangers but he doesnt follow threw on them. He approaches people in the park, on the street etc. we have to keep a constant eye on him. How do we teach him its not safe to do this without him taking it literally and being scared of everyone?

Welcome to WP, aurea, it is good to have you join us. One of the things you should do is teach your son what strangers he can safely approach, such as police officers and firemen. When you are with your son and see an officer walk up to him and introduce yourself and your son. Tell the officer you are teaching your to trust the police and that they are people he can talk to even if they are strangers. Have your son talk to the officer. Teach him who he can safely approach if he should become separated from you at a mall or supermarket. Play a game with him something like, "If I wasn't here should you talk to this person? Why or why not. Do we know that man, should you talk to him?" Choose both yes and no answers and praise him when he answers correctly and gently correct his mistakes. Play it often and expect him to mess up in real situations but then use the game to remind him of what he should have done. Teach him that most people will not want to hurt him, but a few people would hurt him, and if he doesn't know the person he doesn't which one they are. It will take time bit the lesson will be learned.

Hmm. For me I know the big reason why I didn't pay any heed to the "Don't talk to strangers" rule was because I was required to talk to strangers so many times. Like each year when I was given a new teacher, each time there was a new baseball coach, swim coach, friends parent when I stayed the night etc. So it just seemed such a plain ridiculous rule that didn't mean anything.

I remember being taught the Don't Talk to Strangers thing. There was a picture of a man wearing a black coat and hat on the page with all the information on it. I thought that's what a "stranger" would look like and decided I'd keep my eyes peeled for any men in black coats and hats carrying candy. lol!

Be sure to clarify that "stranger" can apply to any person the child doesn't know. It's funny to me now but I could have gotten hurt as a child because I thought "strangers" all looked the same.

LOL me too!

My daughter chatters to everyone, so we had to explain a few things. It is okay to talk to people you don't know if mommy or daddy happens to be there. Adults at her preschool, fine. The cashier at the grocery store, fine. We discussed how most people are good, but there are some bad people who are not. It didn't seem to scare her too badly, but it did make her eye people a bit more cautiously. I have no problem with that. I want her to be cautious. I think that's the best way to explain it. Most people are good, some people are not. Since they all look the same and you can't tell who is who, it's best to never talk to strangers unless mommy or daddy introduces you and says it is okay.

I don't believe in "Stranger danger". I think it's a myth that creates misperceptions about personal safety and esteem and stereotyping. Most children will get hurt by people they know and/or are related to. Rather than trying to teach a child that strangers are dangerous, teach that certain activities are unsafe.

hm. My son will not speak to very many people, especially strangers.

My son recently learned about this in school, and he says:

"My teacher told me to stay away from strangers because they might give me candy".

Boy that was a doozie to explain, lol. He knows now to not talk to people that he doesn't know outside of school, and that he can talk to them if mommy is talking to them sometimes. But he knows not to go up to total strangers, or approach their cars, etc. I had to pull out some "Missing" things to show him that bad things really CAN happen.

In the store sometimes he'll tell people when they offer him a sticker "Sorry, I can't talk to you because I don't know you". LOL, or he will ask them if their stickers are bad. Sometimes he exclaims happily (as if he's just figured it out) "those stickers might kill me! So I should not take them because I don't know this person!"

I always worked on the theory that to a child, everyone is going to be a stranger to a certain point. Given the lack of time my kids spend "on their own" outside, it strikes me as a low possibility they will generally be talking to "strangers" without some kind of familiar support. My younger son wont talk to people he knows half the time, so hes unlikely to approach a stranger himself.

I have taught them certain basic rules about untoward situations, such as becoming seperated from their adult/friend or whoever. Generally speaking, their is a hierarchy of danger.

At the top are the police. They are most likely the safest bet for a child to approach. If they can see a copper, talk to him, but only if they are sure they are police. (The prevalence of hi-vis vests in modern society makes it difficult to judge to some degree.)

Failing that, entering large shops (chainstores and the like) and requesting help from the counterstaff. Large shops because they usually have several staff members in the same area, reducing the odds of them being spirited away un-noticed. They are usually also quite open and public spaces, and monitored by CCTV.

Failing that, any individual in uniform. (traffic wardens and other security staff.)

Failing that, little old ladies. I've never known of any tales of very old ladies spiriting children away, and the odds are in their favour.

Failing that, mothers with children, preferably several. Certain groups of people are much less likely to be dangerous, and parents with children are usually safe.

In regards to losing them in the area we live, I have primed them to seek out certain shops and buildings where I am acquainted with staff members. (Be they friends, partners, or expartners.)

How much of this sinks in, who can say? But there is only so much we as parents can do to prevent the worst from occurring, and there is always random misfortune, and the nature of autism to take into account.

Usually a child on its own is in more danger from its own activities (crossing roads, falling in rivers) than being snatched or attacked.

mym daughter (10) is afraid to play alone in our yard and will not sit in a locked car by herself for anything. Whatever they told her in school definitely scared her. On the other hand, her NT sister (age 21) says strangers have the best candy....

Daft as that seems, there was a scare a while back that rub on tattoos were being soaked in acid then handed out to children. Dont recall what came of that though.

Urban legend.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/drugs/bluestar.asp

Long story short, you'd have to lick the tattoo for the LSD to be absorbed into the body.

Having taken it, I long since considered the tale to be a load of bollocks, but it does prove how paranoid people can get about these things. Still, better that the kids arent taking anything from random people hanging about near playgrounds.

We got our hands on a copy of the "Safe Side Super Chick" dvds that have been made by John Walsh and the lady who created baby einstein. It explains it to the kids in an easier to understand way. Instead of strangers, we call everyone we don't know--don't knows, people we kinda know--kinda knows, and then we have safe side people. It helps my kids understand you can talk to don't knows if Mom or Dad are there, kinda knows are neigbors, people you see around town a lot, etc. It's nice because the dvds have scenarios that the kids can watch to help them learn. Safe Side Super Chick is wacky and fun and my kids LOVE the dvds. There is also cool music. My 6 y/o aspie recites it and chides his sister for talking to don't knows! They now understand personal safety in a way that is so much easier than worrying about strangers. For pete's sake, almost everyone falls in that category!