I don't want another kid - more inside!

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I'm afraid to have another kid just because I'm so in love with baby Livy that I think that another baby would take away some of that love. I don't want to feel the way I do about her with someone else. Does that make sense?

Funny, I've never experienced unconditional love before what with me being in foster care and stuff.

I imagine its commongiven thats its been proven parents don't give as much attention or praise to second children - which is why second children are far more likely to move far from home and not visit when they become adults. But guilt, and maybe missing babies, kicks in for the third, so they're spoiled almost as much as the first was

Let me tell you, I understand! When I was pregnant with my second child, I actually did some crying because I wondered how (a) I could love baby #2 as much as baby #1 and (b) how I could prevent baby #1 from feeling "replaced".

Background: my sister was born when I was 6 1/2, and after that I was pretty much sh*t in my mother's eyes and still am to this day. I never wanted my first child to feel "replaced" that way, ever.

Current: I have two kids, 4 and 2 years old, who adore each other. I love them both immensely. Your heart finds room!

That said, some people just enjoy having the dynamic of a one-child family. For me, I felt very alone, so I wanted my child to have at least one sibling close to her age.

triangular trees-- you hit my family right on the head....I am that middle child....and so I kind of have nurtured the idea of letting james be an only child to keep him from feeling that way ever....but I kind of likr the idea of having a bigger family when I am older too- more grandkids, etc....tough choices.

Kate

My feelings on the subject have varied a lot. The most beautiful, loving families I have personally known have been large families with many children. I wanted for a long time to have the same sort of family. I was a very quiet, shy, mild-tempered baby and so I'd been counting on getting the same sort of temperaments in my children. But my firstborn isn't like me, beyond having a strong drive to learn new things and an interest in words and systems. He is very intense, social, energetic, and loud in comparison with the rest of my family, and it has been very difficult for me to parent a child of his temperament, even though I love him--so difficult, in fact, that I would be very reluctant ever to have another child. If I had one with a calmer disposition, I could manage it easily. (It is very easy for me to care for other children his age who are of a more reasonable and predictable temperament.) But if the luck of the draw gave me another one like my first, I'd be up a creek without a paddle. I simply wouldn't have the mental/emotional resources to handle this much sensory input x 2.

Then again, if he had someone else to interact with, I may be less drained.

I have 2 kids, one my genetic offspring, one adopted. My son(biological) and I have a very tight bond, and I have to admit I was a bit worried about adding more babies (some people say especially adopted ones). What I found out is that my daughter and I are bonded just as close as my son and I, but in a completly different way.

My son is on the autism spectrum and my daughter is not, she is not neurotypical because she has williams syndrome, which is simmilar in some ways (deep sensory issues), but often referred to as "the opposite of autism". So of course me being an aspie I was even more worried that my son and I had the only unconditional bond possible in my life.

What I have found is that she has made up for my social deficit with her natural social surplus (those with Williams syndrome are almost always socially, linguisticly, and musically gifted, and technically deficited - hence opposite of autism). She strives for affection and connection, her stare deep into your eyes even as a 2-3 day old infant was captivating. She connects with everyone she meets and teaches me more about myself than she could know.

You only think you are using up all the love in your heart till you unlock more. It's a never ending, never understood human struggle, with love the more you give, the more you have to give.

gwenevyn-- i feel blessed to have been given a child with the temperment that I have, despite being AS (all school/social issues aside) he is low maintenance to entertain and wonderful to be around, inquisitive, sensitive....I am deathly afraid that if I decide to have another child that the child could be the polar opposite (rambunctious/loud/colicky as a baby...) and I am not sure I can handle that either...although I guess you find a way within yourself when you must

kate

I was really afraid when my wife got pregnant for the second (and later, third) time. Will I love the new baby as much? Will I be able to give time to them all? What if there's something wrong?

All of my fears were reasonable, but turned out wrong. I love all three of my children very much, each in a slightly different way. I'm proud of all three, and love reading to them at night. If I had to go back in time, I'd do it all again

That said, the decision has to be yours, and waiting a little while doesn't hurt.

you are not alone in that feeling. wondering how you could ever love anyone else as much as your first, but it is amazing that love doesn't deminish it multiplies. i am even more thankful seeing how my daughter has helped to engage my AS son into imaginative play and they get along so well. i didn't want to have just one because i thought he'd be lonely, but many aren't there are many only children who are quite happy to be so.
are you feeling like you should have more?
you have to do what you are comfortable with and what you can handle. two can be great but also a handful at times they can play together and add the extra stresses of fighting etc.
hopefully this is somewhat helpful for you.

Can you afford to give the second kid what you can afford to give the frst ....like schoolding. That's a real factor.

otherwise, why neot two?

Btdt

I only have one child and I am happy with only one. It's hard sometimes because my family thinks that I'm just scared to have a second child with AS, but it's not that. I really only want one .