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My daughter aged 12 (13 in January) diagnosed AS this year....late diagnosis, possibly due to 2 aspie parents who really don`t see anything wrong Looks about 14/15 speaks in the same manner, is an only child and has always had friendship issues.

I am in a quandry because she has become friendly with a local boy who is 17 (looks 15), the initial interest was their shared love of horses...he possibly has a few aspie traits too and i think he is wonderful ( a neighbour described him as `not your average 17 yr old`). My problem is this....daughter came to me last night and asked if i would go into melt down if he asked her out and she said yes. I have to say i am sure the question was prompted by him as he is such a polite lad. My daughter would usually just do her own thing & not give a damn about my opinion & in this case i wish she had.

My gut feeling is to just let them get on with it....but the age difference is such a big thing at this age. However, she is so relaxed with him....much more so than i have seen her with anyone else. Is it right to put obstacles in their way and deny her one apparently unconditional friendship? or is it just courting disaster? i feel they are fine here in the village but in any other environment?


Advice please, what do you all think?

She is still too young..

12 is too young. 15 is more reasonable. I had to wait until 16, but I think 15 is okay. You should make it clear that it's not due to this boy, maybe even meet his parents. That's a mistake about disapproving of dating. Make it clear exactly why you want her to wait.

The fact that she looks and acts older is exactly why she should wait until she is older.

I've never dated anyone my age, and my husband is 10 years older than me. The age difference is not where I'd have a problem. The thing is, she is 12. Kids with AS often sound and think much more mature than their chronological age. However, emotionally I can promise you she is not ready to handle something like a date. She may think she is, and you may even think she is...but so much can go wrong - especially when social cues are difficult. I would suggest waiting until she's 15 before she has any "dates". There's nothing wrong with a friendship and mutual appreciation of horses.

12 is awfully young.....group dates, however, are all the rage around here~ bunch of guys and girls hanging out together.

my personal opinion is that twelve is too young, and i agree with you that at that age the difference of 5 years is huge. as you get older the age difference doesn't matter as much, but i would say 2-3 years max. 17 yr old is ready to graduate in the next year ir two, twelve is just starting jr high, that's worlds apart.
there is no problem with them maintaining a friendship.
i had a mom that i know explain it to her daughter one way that you may find useful.
the point of dating ultimately is finding someone to spend your life with (marraige), not that you can't find it at a young age but you're often not ready for it.
for me i will not be allowing my daughter to date untill she is 16.
hope this helps.

yikes! Emotionally they may not be different in age, but hormonally. Ask yourself if you are ready to talk sex and birth control, because 17 year old boys with cars are having sex. (most of them around here anyway, even if he is a sweet kid) If you do decide to let them see one another, make sure you definitely HAVE THAT TALK. best of luck

kate

By all means, let them be friends. I do think any dates should be chaperoned though. It would be cruel to make them give up their friendship, especially in light of the fact that we don't make friends easily and we find it very difficult to cope with change.