my son's aide is hopeless, what would you have done?

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Hi everyone!

I'm new here - I found this site just a few days ago! It's great!

Anyway, this is what happened today and I'm really really annoyed.

The school employed an aide to work with my son for 3 hours a day, 4 days a week. I asked the Assistant Principal (AP) if she would pass on relevant info to the aide before he started, but she said no, observation would be enough. Okaay.

So today was his first, (and hopefully last), day. I'm a classroom helper on Wednesdays and I had warned the AP that I'd be in the classroom too, because my son expects me there and I couldn't just not go.

The aide was terrible. He told my son off twice for not concentrating, in an angry and abrupt tone of voice. The second time, my son put his hands over his ears and was obviously upset I said to him not to speak to my son like that, because it will just get his back up, and the aide said, 'I take direction from the principal'. The (insert rude word).

Then in front of a whole group of kids, he asked me what my son's diagnosis was? Huh?! I asked him if the school had told him, and he said that he wanted to hear it from me. (This guy's a nutter). I just said that this is not the right place to discuss such issues and called him a very rude word under my breath.

So I march off down the hallway and complain to the AP, and she agrees to someone else being my son's aide. But then later at home, I get an email from the AP saying that we need to give this guy time to settle in because 'he wasn't feeling himself'. (Don't ask).

No way. I've complained to the Department of Lack of Education because I don't want this guy near my son. Jeez.

What would you have said to this guy if you were in my position?

Cheers,
Temma

what an a@@ ! !! !! !! !! the sad part about the whole thing is that you only know about the aide being incompetent because you were there.....imagine what you would have been told had you not been there ?!

Yeah, who cares if the caregiver doesn't "feel himself"? That's where professionalism comes in. Let him take the time he planned on spending verbally abusing your son to deal with his issues. Your son is not being paid to be of benefit to him; and to ask you what your son's diagnosis is in front of the class violates the privacy (HIPPA) laws here in the US. (I'm assuming you're in the US because of your spelling) He has no business working out his personal problems to the detriment of the children. If the AP wants to put up with this guy's bullsh*t personally he can go ahead, but the children should not be used to take care of this grown man.

I would have said two words: You're fired

Get the IEP set up, to eliminate this kind of behavior.

When they violate it, have them replaced.

We were really blessed with aides who were kind, sweet, thoughtful women when my son was younger.

As he entered middle school this year, the aide was a woman that we know from church. She is looney tunes. Nice lady, but looney tunes. I sometimes wonder if that's the kind of person they often get as aides. Your aide sounds awful. They should be very concerned about the behavior that you observed in him the day you were volunteering -- because it would be fairly easy for you to launch a lawsuit based on his behavior (not that you would, but many people would in the same situation).

An aide should be all about support and kindness, not yelling at a kid to pay attention. That kind of thing will only backfire. After someone gets to know the child, THEN they can apply a little more strength, but only after some time.

Kris

Thanks guys for your responses - you've given me some inspiration to fight this one out.

I'm in Australia by the way!

We are having a Student Supprt Group meeting tomorrow (the first one all year) and this will be an issue I'll be raising, along with formulating an IEP.

I'm in two minds about sending my son to school today as the aide will still be there. I'd rather have it resolved first...but the school may just view me as being silly...

Kris, you are so right what an aide should all be about. All the other aides at the school are really lovely.

Ster, I know, can you imagine what this guy's like without anyone else being in the room? Scary.

Kalima, I was aware he broke some privacy law - don't know if it's the Oz one too, but I presume so, and I'll be raising this point too.

Now I just have to tell the school to do something else with him.

Thanks again!

Temma

I'd have pumpkin bombed the b***h

Maybe the aide had been feeling himself a bit too often.

I'm sorry, Temma...that aide sounds just awful. I hope the school can find a better one for your son.

Well, I've had a big meeting with the AP and others and I refused to budge on the issue. The AP kept on saying stuff like, but all he needs is some time, blah blah. I said 'no'. So the compromise is that this tool will work with other kids in the class, which will free up the teacher's time to work with my son.

The aide and I will both be in class together on Wednesday which will be...interesting.

Cheers,
Temma

Pandora -
BugsMom - thanks for your thoughts!
Kilroy - my thought exactly

Temma, that's encouraging and good on you for not budging. This dude should NOT be in charge of ANY children if he can't control his temper better and for the head teacher to be making lame excuses for his bad behaviour is just not on! I know it is hard to get used to new classes, but this man is an adult (?) and it's not fair for the kids to have to suffer.

When I was 7, my class had a teacher aide who'd just come back from maternity leave (way too soon - her baby was only 6 weeks old!). She used to shout for apparently no reason, wouldn't let us go to the toilet, and I soon became terrified of her and started developing nervous diarrhoea and night terrors.

I had a small accident one day because she wouldn't let me go to the toilet and boys tormented me for ages after. The nervous diarrhoea always cleared over the weekend and then came back the following Monday. Even now, I'm really paranoid about having an accident.

Fortunately, some sanity prevailed and she left a few weeks after she started. I hated and feared her at the time but now realise she must have been suffering post-natal depression and needed help and not to work until her baby was much older.

The head teacher is probably deluding themselves that this man's behaviour will improve over time (could happen but it's more likely to escalate) and if he has some sort of mental problem, he needs to get proper treatment for it.

I'm not a parent, but I think you should point out that he's been downright abusive. Only someone who gets off abusing children would do something like yell at a child with Hyperacusis. He isn't feeling himself? I'd say, so is that the excuse you'd give if a teacher abused a NT child?

Abuse only escalates too as the abusive person tests the waters as it were, to see how much they can get away with before somebody puts a stop to it.

Some of them are teenagers, and some of them are adults.

I think I would have gone to the school and raised hell.

As far as what I would have said....it isn't printable.

Good luck.
Btdt