frequent accidents(toileting)

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i am just wondering about frequent accidents, with young aspies. my son is 4 years old and i know that in some circles it may be a bit premature to be worrying, but he has days where he is fine and then he has days where he wets 4-6 pairs of pants per day, usually 1-3 times per week.
he also seems to have accidents more often at his grandparents (who he loves).
did anyone else have these issues and what did you do, because i have no idea what to do.
thanks

What's the difference between being home and being with his grandparents?
What's the stimulation like at each place?
Is it possible that he is just too involved to recognize the signals and figure out how much time he has to get on the potty?

I'm trying to remember what we went through with our daughter, but I can't right now... she's 14.

Is there any chance he wets at certain times of the day or after certain activities or even at a certain time after eating/drinking?
If so, could there be gentle reminders to him about needing to go potty?
What if he is walked to the potty on a regular basis for a while... say every hour?

I wish I had better things to say about this. I hope another parent can bring you some good advice.

eta: I built a potty chair for our daughter to use and that was her 'special' seat in the bathroom.

The only accidents I can remember (although I'm sure there were others) were the ones when she'd streak through the house naked, climb up on the couch and pee.

We never scolded her when she was young. I seem to recall us just ushering her to the potty and having her sit on it "just in case there's more".

At 4, my son was transitioning from pull ups to pants. He was staying dry because he regimented daytime potty. He was still having BM and nightly pee in the pullup. For him it's all about routine and schedule. He still has to be told to go pee before bed. But while he's "up", he tells himself. He's only recently stopped having accidents overnight at 7.
I think it's such hard work fitting everything into our schedules that going pee isn't a natural thing. We have to schedule it too.

Kids get distracted more easily when they're away from home and that's probably the reason for the accidents. I'd rather deal with Number 1's than Number 2's any day, that's for certain.

I am still in the start of the potty training phase, but this is exactly how it is if we put him in underwear, he just pees in them and then wants clothes changed, or asks for a diaper when he has to poop....but if I put him on the potty he will hold it. I am about at my wits end too.

my only advice for you, assuming that he isn't not caring about this, and actually is upset about the accidents is to try the schedule thing. Maybe every 45 minutes he gets on the potty for 5 minutes no matter what until he starts getting more consistent. I have a feeling this is what I am in for as well. A frine dof mine went with not so much a schedule, as just putting the child on the potty every time they wake up or before sleeping, 10-15 inutes after they eat a meal, and anytimet hey are leaving the house to go anywhere. Also -- maybe the grandparents (as is the case with my inlaws) just forget to ask/put him on the potty b/c they are having too much fun or are involved in other things. It is hard to get them to remember to put J on the potty enough. Or maybe he is just not as comfotable going at their house, or maybe their potty is different?

good luck-- as many times as my carpet cleaner has been used this month, I know how frustrating this is.

kate

i think my kid may type before using the potty, so there is still a chance of that! ha ha ha

don't want to make you paranoid, but i started having accidents as a very young child every time i went to my grandparents.....my grandfather molested me every time i went to his house.........i finally got the nerve up to tell my parents when i was 5 & i was admonished for making up stories.....to this day, they still don't believe me.

it is not only at his grandparents but it does seem to happen more frequently there, than other places. it almost seems like if he is somewhere that he knows he'll have a change of clothes he will not care as much. he is better at school and out than he is at home or there. 5 pairs of pants today. i ust don't get it today was a low stress day, it almost seems like the more comfortable he is somewheree the more likely an accident is to occur, seems a little backwards.
i am sorry that happened to you and it wasn't believed. i really do not think that's the case i think i know my dad well enough, however i'll keep an extra eye out and definately look into it if he says anything. although he's not often alone with grandpa, grandma is there most of the time too, but i know it only takes a minute.

there are books at the library about "safe touching" that you could possibly read to him.........not scary, just talking about where other people can touch & where they shouldn't touch.....at the very least, it would be a social skill lesson~ at the most, it will maybe get him to talk about whether or not something happened.
you know, it could just be that what you view as him being relaxed is not really him being relaxed~ maybe he's actually anxious......i've had students that will appear laughing & happy right before they try to throttle you.

good to know, about the anxiety thing, but if he appears to be okay how can itell if it's anxiety?
and thanks for the book idea.

sometimes it's just so very hard to sort everything out......i may have missed this, but how does he react just after he has an accident ? Does he seem oblivious ? Does he totally freak out ? Does he try to hide the accident?

when he has his accidents it depends on the situation, sometimes he gets so absorbed in stuff that he will sit in it and totally disregard it, usually he'll just whip off his pants. he doesn't really like sitting in it, he doesn't freak out, sometimes he doesn't tell me right away and i will find a wet spot on the couch or something, but he usually runs to the bathroom right after.
we also had a bit of a talk about safe touching and that no one is to touch him in his private area etc. he said it has never happened, i also told him that if someone said they might hurt him that he should tell me anyways becasue they won't do it,but he says no to that too. and i asked him if he liked grandpa, and if grandpa did anything to hurt him or bug him, and he said no, except for whisker burn.
sometimes i don't know how much gets through to him or how much he actually understands, but that's where it's at right now.

well, then....it seems like you just have a kid who gets really absorbed in what he's doing & doesn't want to take a break to go to the bathroom........i remember , as a kid, feeling like i would miss something if i left the room to go to the bathroom.
do reward systems work with him ?.......my daughter went through a period of time , after she was potty trained, when she simply didn't want to stop what she was doing to go to the bathroom. we ended up using a small reward system~ she got to choose either 3 tiny, fuzzy bears or 1 small jewelry kit ( 10 beads and some lanyard) as a reward for keeping dry for a week. every day she'd get to put a sticker on for each time period that she kept dry. when she achieved a total of 20 stickers , she'd get a prize. ( the bears or jewelry)

thanks i'll try it. it probably will because i'm starting to train his little sister and he seems to get a little jealous of her getting treats for going to the bathroom and he doesn't.