does my child really need to see a psychologist?

Post Reply New Topic

I am a bit concerned that I have not taken my child to a psychologist, however, I also don't really believe that autism is a psychological disorder, therefore, I don't truly see the need for it.

When I was young I remember my mother taking me to a psychologist and although I can say that my childhood was very lonely and difficult, I also know that the reason it was this way was NOT because I didn't continue to go to a psychologist, but because my family did not accept me the way I was...because they were cruel to me when I would melt down...because they didn't try to understand me.

With that said, I am totally different. I know my son is different, but I don't believe he is different in that there is "something wrong with him"...I believe he is just different. In our household we celebrate those differences...As much as he can understand us at this point, we let him know that he has some amazing qualities and although we do not make him believe he is perfect, we do let him believe that he has gifts just like everyone else...that there are ways that he can try to manage his anger, that when he has a meltdown it's NOT because he's a bad person or that he's "ret*d or sick or evil"...that with the bad, also comes many good things.

I wonder what honestly could a psychologist offer to him...He's not fully verbal, although sometimes he does draw some pictures and we attempt to discuss with him or try to see what's bothering him...ie. The other day he drew a pic of a boy with his mom holding hands...the boy was sad (he said and that's what he drew)...and also in the sky was a face and another face like it was going up to the sky...It puzzled us, and a couple of days later he said "mommy is sick" when I caughed or something...but we talked to him and reassured him that he should not be sad, that mommy was not sick and that mommy would be there for him to play with, etc...

I feel sometimes that the child's psychologist might do some good, but at the same time, I believe that if the parents do not change their way of dealing with the issues, the psychologist talking to a child does not really solve anything...on the other hand, if the parents take the time to understand the child, to help him along, etc...I feel that there is no great need for a psychologist.

I keep hearing of parents taking their kids to psychologists when they have autism, but I have yet to truly understand what it is these doctors are finding (if anything) that merits a child having
to go to a psychologist...again, it may be that kids are cruel in school and the child is having a rough time with that, but I'm not sure why a parent can't discuss this with a child and reassure him, teach him ways of coping, etc...without having someone else do it for them.

Anyway, PLEASE, ANYONE who DOES HAVE Autism (HFA/Asperger's) here, who at some point has gone to a psychologist (while they were a child) and saw a benefit from it, please let me know. I may have my beliefs, but I'm also willing to hear a different perspective with the understanding that I might be completely off and maybe I missed something.

Sorry so long...

NO! Big Mistake!

In later elementary school, my parents noticed that there was something weird about me. They took me to a whole assortment of psychiatrists and psychologists. They diagnosed me with ADD. (I don't know if I actually have it or not, but adderol is a useful drug, so I have to keep the doctors convinced that I do have it.)

At each psychologists office, they sat me down and told me to talk about my life and my feelings: I talked and talked, and at the end, they never had anything valid or insightful to say.

Now, I'm not easily offended, but one doctor really pissed me off with one thing he said. He asked me to describe what my academic problems were. I told him I had to stay late after the class was dismissed for recess, finishing my spelling and grammar exercises. I was always the last one to leave. The psychologist said, "Oh, well you need to stop being afraid to go out into social situations. Get your work done and get out of there." He could not have possibly been any more WRONG about me. I was NOT using schoolwork as an excuse to hide! I couldn't get it done because it was BORING! SOOO BORING! That's why I couldn't concentrate on it and that's why I couldn't finish it.
It's really insulting when you pay someone to understand you and they don't.

I once admired this one psychologist, because when he listened to what I had to say, he seemed to genuinely care. He kept encouraging me to explain more. Then I remembered that he was charging my parents by the hour. Obviously one would pretend to be sincere if one can get PAID to do it!, and obviously he wouldn't admit that I didn't need his help.

I'll tell you what: If you want good counseling for your child, talk to the teachers. Teachers go into that profession because they care about children. (Trust me: They DON'T go into it for the money, because there's not much there.) Most teachers don't have the time to act as counselors, but some are just naturally inclined to be interested in the wellbeing of their students, so they'll get involved if you let them. The best psychologists during my childhood were the teachers who understood me. There weren't many of them, but the few who did made a big difference.

Also, to fill the roll of someone who will listen to your troubles, the kid should get friends he can associate with. It's easier said than done with AS, but if he can find those friends, then he has people he can COUNT ON. You can't count on a psychologist as a friend, because you have to set up appointments, and you can't keep on having a psychologist through life because thats not financially sane. Friends at school are just more reliable than professionals. They don't have the credentials, but they tend to understand you better because you're both walking in the same shoes - so to speak. ("you" in this case meaning your son. I don't know how to re-structure that paragraph to make it sound right.)

I think the key to emotional stability is having friends. However, making friends isn't something the psychologists taught me (because then what would I need the psychologists for?). Ultimately, I have to be blunt and say that I got NOTHING from the psychologists I saw.

(Psychiatrists on the other hand helped me because they prescribed drugs for me which turned out to be very useful.)

You may not view Autism as a psychological disorder (neither do I) but your child may some day want an explanation for any differences they may feel they have from other people. A (specialist) doctor can offer your child a solid explanation.



A doctor isn't going to make your child think that there is they are "sick or evil". A (specialist) doctor won't necessarily say that there is something "wrong" with your child either, but they may simply be able to offer valuable insights, information, recommendation and resources that you may not be able to access alone.



I would have thought that's precisely why you should go to the psychologist? I understand that you feel you are already doing everything possible that can be done to support your child, but any professional insights are a potential bonus that I personally wouldn’t want to miss out on. After all, you can always dismiss a doctor's opinion once you have it, but I wouldn't dismiss a person's opinion before I have it.


I feel that your opening line here is the most important one. You feel that there is a chance a psychologist may do some good, however small and however unlikely. Since it's entirely within your rights to dismiss the ideas/recommendations of a psychologist and simply never see them again (within the first two minutes of meeting them, if you feel like it) I don't see the harm in seeking their opinion first.

Also, have you taken your child to any other specialists, or had your child assessed in any way (such as by a specialist occupational therapist)? I ask because I was undiagnosed with no knowledge of my problems until recently. I'm now eighteen, and every assessment and meeting so far, from people who actually specialise in the field, has benefited me enormously (from getting orlen lenses to being given extra time given in exams). These are not things my mum could give me without the support of professionals, however much she read up on the subject and however much she loves and supports me in other ways.

While I don't want to pursue therapy for my sensory problems, at least I now have the option to do so if I ever decided that I did want to. Even simply having more understanding and knowledge of my difficulties (for example, what leads me up to a meltdown) and the way in which I function has been therapy in itself that no one in my family could offer me. It also takes a very long time to access this sort of help if you wish to pursue it, and the sooner you start the ball rolling, the sooner you will have the options if you should then decide to take up the offer.

Also, while your child isn't experiencing difficulties at the moment, they may do so later on. I believe it would be easier to have your child assessed/diagnosed now, while things are going smoothly, than later on if problems were to arise in school or later on in life, because you would have much quicker access to suitable help and support should you ever need it - a sort of safety net for the future.

This shows how different various countries are. Here in England, schools do get money to have children with disabilities (which they get to keep if the child becomes mentally unwell and is sent to mental hospital, but not if the child requires extra academic support - because then the money they are given to look after the child has to actually be spent on the child) and so in the school I went to, the teachers turned a blind eye as any children who were struggling got sent to a mental hospital instead of receiving adequate support within school. Ironically, this also kept the schools reputation up, because it meant that any children who were struggling academically wouldn’t get their lower grades recorded in the schools exam results.

At the same time, here in England, therapists and professionals generally get paid for by the NHS. There is no hourly fee, and there is certainly no pretence to care (quite the opposite, I find).

There is a huge problem with ASD/psychologists: often the autistic mind is more visual than verbal, often autisic kids have problems recognizing and graduateing feelings, and along with general communicative problems make conventional therapy ineffective or even meaningless.
I would say you would need to be specialy trained to do therapy with autistic kids.
Here in Denmark there is a system, called the "CAT box" (cognitive affective training) aimed to aid communicaton about feelings and experiences, by using strongly visual elements. I am be no means an expert at this, but have realised that, at the very least, when talking about something abstract, like feelings, with my son, the visual element really helps: as you mentioned, drawing and talking about something visual and very concrete like a drawing is the only way to go.

The CAT box is a whole system of visual aids for , I think it is translated to English, but I'm not sure.

My son isn't verbal enough to benefit from a psychologist appointment. I mean he's considered age appropriate but he can't hold a conversation about his feelings or events in his life. Especially if you're asking him about it.

I was just given a list of psychs to use as a resource for information, to see if they can guide me to social skills services or some type of socialization for Pop. I'll see what I glean from them.

I will say about teachers and autism, I have encountered "nice" teachers but most of them are all overwhelmed by Pop. He's having a good day when he's quiet (according to them). He tries to fly under the radar because he's so used to being corrected. He never really knows what's appropriate or not.

I had some trust issues with some "friendly" teachers when I was a kid. I don't really think it's a good idea for young children to entrust teachers with personal information, unless their home situation is dangerous.

Well, I actually homeschool him, so the whole teachers issue doesn't apply.

Thanks for all the comments, I think that some years ago there was not so much information and depending on the involvement of the parents with the child, it also makes a huge difference. I know that I can't tell him everything about his condition, but I can assure you that I spend countless hours studying his behavior, checking the internet, books, autism groups, doctors, etc...to get different perspectives and check to see what helps him.

On the STIMS issue, I found a wonderful article about it and I'm helping him with that as well.

I by no means feel I'm the perfect parent or that I know it all, but I also know that sometimes going to a psychologist might make a child feel like there is something wrong with him, more than help...maybe it's just me...

I will continue to read through this and see what I can do to help him...As always, I truly appreciate all points of view and will read up more on the whole psychologist issue to see if I find some benefit...if anyone knows of studies, etc...that are out there on the benefits and what these children actually get out of going to a psychologist, please post it...thanks again!

[I by no means feel I'm the perfect parent or that I know it all, but I also know that sometimes going to a psychologist might make a child feel like there is something wrong with him, more than help...maybe it's just me...

You can explain to your child that it's helpful to have someone to talk to. Believe me, they already realize they are different and require some assistance in areas. If you find the right therapist/psychologist, it might be enjoyable for your child to converse with another adult. My ds can't wait to talk to adults, so I don't think he'll have a problem.

I do understand what you mean--that you're afraid, but once your child gets older, it becomes almost impossible to get them to a "shrink" as my eldest son said. He suffered from quite a bit of anxiety, OCD and insomnia. But, he refused to go to a psychologist.

I think if you get them used to it when they're young, then they come to understand it much differently, in a more natural/positive way. I grew up in a different era. But I realize that I have to trust professionals (with a fair amount of caution) and if I'm not satisfied, I'll be able to determine this right away. It can only be helpful to have someone objective to talk to.

My main reason for seeking outside help is to gain as much support outside the school, a person that can mediate between home and school, someone to turn to when I'm having an issue I'm unclear about. This particular doctor does have experience with Aspergers and kids with social issues. I wouldn't say too much about it to your child. Just find a specialist, make an apointment, and give it a try. I mentioned it to my son and he said "You mean I need professional help." He's eight-years old. I know what you mean. I don't ever want my son to feel that he is, somehow, defective. I'm always his strongest advocate and supporter--this is so important. He knows it too. He knows people have difficulty understanding him. As they get older, they become so much more aware.

Also, ask around. Most kids/adults admit to seeing psychologists, taking meds etc. It's 2007. Most will tell you it helped them tremendously.

best,

equinn

I have AS, and until I was 40, there were no real meds for it. Now there are, and I take something. It helps me. My kid is AS, and he takes nothing. Won't see a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and seems to be doing fine. He got through High School by sheer will power (he hated it), now he's in a school for computer animators. He's doing fine (actually more than fine). He's working with people who are dead serious about what they're doing, and besides, he's better with the computer than a lot of his classmates, so no one teases him. They ask for help!

Good Luck,
BTDT

I'm going to try to find the right way to say this. From what I can tell from your post you have the right idea about autism, it is a neurological disorder and not a psychological one. Your ideas about how special your child is, building his self-esteem, admitting imperfection and differences in everybody,
helping him cope with difficulties and communicating with him are great.

That said I do not agree with those who think psychlogical therapy is useless. Z has been seeing a psychiatric team for about 8 years. They have beeen helpful to him and us as a family. Dealing with ASD can be stressfull for everybody involved, The autistic individual and NT family members who are in contact with him/her. Parents and family are surrounded by the trees of the Autism Forest and sometimes have difficulty seeing the many paths through it, a good psyschologist can help map in choosing the path to follow or suggest alternate paths.

To seek psychotherapy is an individual choice. For our family it has been bebeficial. Like anything, keep the option open. Do your research and find professionals with the ability to deal with your child's specific needs. 'Nuff said.

I'd say that if the child is happy and things are going fine, no need to see a professional. I never found professionals much help because I couldn't explain myself well enough to them. Had I been able to write to them instead of speak, it might have been different.

I'll second that. I always feel that psychs are, somehow, ridiculous or nosy or that I know more than they do about me and they could never get it, really. I will keep a watchful ear and eye out for my son. Any reservations, and I'll end it. You can mess a kids head up by saying suggestive things (I think).

I often feel, like I want to say "so, what's your deal?"

i think that as long as things are going well, then a psych isn't necessary......we've had trouble here with depression and anxiety related to aspergers, and so some of are on meds~some of us have weekly sessions~some of us have monthly sessions.
depends on the need

My 2 sons with AS initially saw a psychologist weekly, now see her monthly. Our psychologist works in an Autism/Asperger's specialist clinic so knows what she's talking about.

My older son had major problems with anger and social confusion. The psychologist gave use useful tools/strategies to help with his anger and social confusion.

Our second son had major anxiety problems. The psychologist helped him with that.

Helen

I go to Ivy (psychologist) and she helps.

I am 7.

Ivy helps me with my worries. I have a thermometer to measure how worried I am. I have a thermometer to measure how happy I am too.

I have a toolbox to help when I'm worried. There's a bad tool - the pickaxe - this is hitting, punching, crying, screaming. There's a hammer - active tools - running, jumping on the trampoline. There's a paintbrush tool - calm tools - playing computer, reading, drawing.

Daniel

Regardless of whether or not you view it as a psychological disorder the psychologist will work on ways to help him cope with having autism.

Just make sure you pick a good psychologist. Its been my experience than most treat children like dirt under their shoe, accusing them of lying etc. wheras psychologists who see adults treat them with the utmost respect.