Aspie parent(s) with social NT children... HELP!

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Socializing in any way has of course always been very difficult for me. My partner has similar issues for his own sets of reasons, and generally is more than happy to keep to himself. Our daughter will be 3 in January. She LOVES to be social, LOVES to play with others kids, or even with other adults. I stay at home with her during the week. We have few friends. I feel so badly for her and am kind of at a loss what to do. I try and take her out as much as possible, but there's so few choices about things to do, and it's always exhausting for me. I mean, everything is overwhelming-- the whole process of getting ready to go (I have NO IDEA how people do this with multiple children! Even with one child, it can be SO tedious and tiring), trying to figure out what to even go do (which is ALWAYS frustrating because there's so few choices, especially when the weather is bad), dealing with the environment once we get there, dealing with my daughter's meltdowns when it's time to leave (no matter what I do, she throws a tantrum and I get overwhelmed), etc. But I still try and do all of this whenever possible because she deserves to do these things, wants/needs to have some socialization, and I have a lot of guilt. I would love to get her into preschool, but I don't think we can afford it. I need to go back to school because I have no career or job to go work at besides retail, which I'm soooo done with. I was thinking we could do co-op preschools, but that's only for a few hours once or twice a week, and the parent still has to be there at least half the time. Meaning I'd have to deal with other kids and parents and teachers. The kids I'm pretty much fine with, but the other parents? UGHHH. And then that's only for a small portion of the week. It's really not much of a solution, just a temporary one I guess. But at least it's affordable, and it's *something*. Anybody been in a similar situation at all? I'm really starting to feel like a failure and completely stuck.

I'm assuming here that my daughter is NT... she does have some odd traits that I could see as possibly fitting for an aspie, but right now I don't think she is. Either way, the situation is the same. I really wish that there was more of a community in this area-- places that people meet and kids can play. As it is, my choice of fun places to take her is usually the park and the mall play area. Now that the weather is bad, it's mainly the mall play area, and I hate it there. It's always FULL of children running around in a small space, not being watched by their parents, and I hate the mall to begin with. Places like the kids museum and the zoo are pretty much too overwhelming for me to take her there alone. I see listings online for playgroups and such, but calling a phone number is out of the question, and then I'd have to figure out how to talk to the other parents. I just don't know that I can even do it. I have so much guilt for all of this, because my daughter would probably really love it, and I just can't seem to do it. I just don't know what to do anymore. Anyone? Anything? Help?!

how about the library ?.....it's relatively quiet, and your daughter will still get to socialize & it's free!
our local library has all sorts of free childrens programs

If there is a YMCA nearby they offer assisted memberships to people who qualify. The process is really easy. I went through much the same situation myself as a single mother of a young very social daughter and putting her into programs at the YMCA offered her a chance to socialize without too much added stress on my part.

The YMCA is a very good idea.

Also, Joanne's craft store has kid's crafts days that you could possibly take her do for a small fee. That's a setting where I don't think you would have to socialize with the parents quite as much (I totally know how you feel about that -- I hate doing the "chit-chat" thing myself).

Kris

I completely understand. Kids become friends with kids they meet in social settings, but at this young age, kids usually meet kids based on the parents getting to be acquantances/friends. That's the hard part. The kids with the most friends at a young age, are the moms with the most friends that have kids or are the ones in daycare.

I don't like to chit-chat, but I'll give it my best shot for my NT daughter's sake. Sure - I don't get invited to the coffee chats (and I don't really want to, thanks) but I have to make an effort to call parents to arrange "playdates." I offer to babysit other people's kids so they can go shopping or get a break, and they are thrilled, and my kids get to play with a friend without the other parent hanging around to chat.

If there's any way to get your child into preschool - do it. She'll pick up the social skills and little routines she needs later on, even if it's just a couple days a week. It's not easy on us - but I approach it like a job I have to do. My job is parent, and I have to talk to these other parents to some degree so my child can have a chance at a typical social experience.

A playgroup may not be for you, because that's about the bored parents meeting up with others to chat as much as it's for the kids, but look hard to find out where the little kids go - and if you can't - what I've done is to try to be that friend for her. Set up teddy bear tea parties, and she can make all those doll 'talk."

My kids are older and I still have yet to find a parent "friend" but my NT kid is getting along fine despite me, and my PDD son has that sibling to help him, too.

I agree with the library suggestion. My daughter is like yours, very social but some quirky traits so I'm not sure about her yet. I think I'll need to wait and see when she gets older. But the library is a very safe place for us. I take all the children to the children's section. There my daughter (5yo) can interact with other children. My 4yo son, who is certainly Aspie generally goes between two shelves and pages through books the entire time. And my 2yo just sort of satellites me while I sit and read my book. I do usually go at storytime but I keep to myself and don't socialize with the other mothers much. I know all the librarians and they love my children and give my daughter lots of attention.

We also go to the park near our house which doesn't usually have any children at it during the school day. Sometimes one or two.

Mostly my children socialize with each other and I hope that counts :p

How about dance classes, gymnastics, sports team, art classes? Any classes available through your local parks and recreation dist?

The library was my first idea when I was reading, so I agree with that. Also, my 2 NT kids LOVE to just go to Carls Jr. or Burger King with the indoor playland and play for an hour. We'll get a small snack or a treat and go play. It does get noisy, but we are never compelled to socialize with the other parents.

Best thing I ever did was have more than one child IMO. My kids play so well together. MY 2 adopted kids are 11 months apart and are best friends for sure. My 4 y/o daughter goes to a drop-in daycare's preschool program one day/week- that's all we can afford and she loves it. Otherwise, there's not a lot of socializing for her except with her brother and sister.

I have taken James to Border's bookstore (lots of bookstores have this though) story time hour that they have once a week. They hve someone read a book and then someone else comes up and does a craft project relating to the story...James loves it and it is usually nice and quiet just a few kids there. Also I like to go to yoga classes at my local gym and they have a daycare area where you can leave your kids while you are in class. Jay always has a blast there.

kate

Most kids melt down when it is time to leave off doing something they are enjoying. Best advice I can give you is to eas into it. "Jenny, we're leaving in 10 minutes." "But mom, I'm having fun." "Yes, but we've been here for an hour. We can leave right now, or in ten minutes. Which is it?" What kid is going to say "now."

No, it's not a real choice, but it seems to be, and a lot of the times it works.

As to your daughter not being NT, give things a little more time before you trundle off to the psychiatrist. Right now, it sounds like she's just being a kid.

Good luck
Beentheredonethat