Why does it make me sad?

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..."Behaviorally, G's difficulties fall within the realm of what is commonly seen in individuals with a [PDD or ASD]. G's difficulties are significant in many areas and his overall presentation meets criteria for the specific diagnosis of autism. His weak skills in terms of communication, and play, as well as several perseverative/self-stimulatory behaviors are consistent with the diagnosis. At the same time, the less "typical" aspects of G's presentation should also be acknowledged, including his relative strength in social reciprocity and comparatively mild impairments in terms of his relatedness to his parents.

Behaviorally, the current information clearly supports a diagnosis along the autism spectrum paired with some degree of global developmental delay and language impairment, using the diagnosis provisionally due to his young age (with reassessment recommended periodically)...."

I know this. Why does it makes me so sad to read it on their report?

Even though you know it, it's still hard to see it put down on paper. I got X's evaluation in the mail yesterday. It was hard to see my boy's behaviors and learning problems put down on a piece of paper- in an official report. My husband stated it perfectly, "Wow, from that, it really sounds like he's got problems." Well, we know he's got problems, but he's such good boy, he's our boy, and we love him and we don't tend to always see those problems- we look past them. It ws really hard to read the diagnostic part where it states he has mental retardation and his IEP should be reclassified with Mental REtardation. It just about broke my heart to see it written on that report

Hugs to you. I think there's many of us who can understand how you're feeling.

Thanks. It's just like you say - G is our son, and we know he isn't exactly like other kids, but to us it doesn't matter. Seeing the detailed report of all the areas he falls short and the diagnosis of "global developmental delay" in ADDITION to autism was not something I expected. I also thought he was mild, and he is in fact moderately autistic. So there were some surprises I wasn't prepared for. None of this is easy. With my daughter (HFA) she could pretty much mainstream with no assistance and seem mildly quirky if anything. Most people don't know unless they know what they're looking at. My son is an entirely different story. With R, I knew something was amiss immediately. With G, not until after the first year. It's like all this hitting at once, out of the blue with him, and it's worse than R's.

But I guess all we can do is just keep on going, right? I can be sad, and it won't make him catch up with his peers any faster. You and I (and the rest of us) need to keep positive no matter how hard it is. But wow, I feel like I just got punched.

Thanks again for listening. It really does help.

siuan, I feel the exact same way. We've had that diagnosis for six years now, and whenever I run across the diagnosis papers again, I feel the same sadness. For some odd reason, those papers and reading those words brings all the emotion right back to the forefront.

Just remember the word "delay". Things are going to happen on a slower pace for your son, but it doesn't mean that he won't achieve things. Because there is so much more information out there about our kids now, there's a lot more help. I've read your answers to people on this forum for a long time now, and you know your stuff and have a very level head. With your help, your son is going to make strides in life. He's got a great parent in his corner!

Kris

I remember when I requested my school to redo my report (I was misdiagnosed bi-polar at 7) when I was 18 as there was some concern from school staff. Its shocking to read your own report - it makes you look at yourself in a different light. I remember before they gave it to me telling me that its ok to get upset, most people do.

Speaking for myself, I think it would be pretty daunting to read a laundry list of all my difficulties spelled out in writing, even though I know what they are. I also think some evalutors futurize based on lists of current problems and difficulties. Hugs to all of you going through this.

The evaluator has to explain the diagnosis, so of course it's going to reveal the deficits. Otherwise, you wouldn't have sought out the evaluator in the first place.

I see my son's report as an affirmation of my own suspicions and a ticket to services (which is all that it is). The rest is mystery, untouchable parts of him that no report could ever identify. Reports are data. Data is not your child. The data will help to get services in school and out of school.

I would put the report away. Again, it is not your child. It is paper. You could take this report and burn it in the fireplace. It is merely a collection of words and numbers on paper in a manila folder. Your son encompasses so much more that this data could ever reveal.

This is how I view the "report". It is nothing, really. It is subjective, opinon. It is merely a tool for my use. It got him in the right category, the autism category. Take what you want from it and disagree with the other parts. You have that right. Then, fight for the strengths your son has and keep fighting. So much will evolve out of your son, as he ages, that this report could never expose.

Another idea? Wait a year and then get a second opinion. There's more to come. As my eight-year old put it "turn that frown upside down" this from a child who knows what it means to be suspended in kindergarten (prediagnosis). Our children are truly amazing. We are blessed.

equinn

its always hard to see it written down.....for us, we went for evals hoping to find answers, but also hoping that this was all just a nightmare and that there was nothing really "wrong" with son or daughter

The important thing to remember, is that he's still the same son that you had, before he was diagnosed.

Thank you so much for your kind words, and for helping me to frame this a little differently. You don't know how much that helps

TheZach and 9CatMom: Yeah, I can't see myself enjoying a list of all my difficulties. I'm sure a few of those lists were made.

equinn: I agree with you, it's just the initial impact and me coming to terms with it.

ster: There's a bit of truth in that. I think the big difference here for me between my daughter and son is that, with my daughter, I knew from her first week of life that there was something. For two years my suspicions grew, until I finally contacted someone (meltdowns had begun). Two more years dragged on after I was (wrongly) informed that no one really evaluates kids for anything until they are 4 years old. A professional told me this over the phone. So my daughter's diagnosis was an affirmation. Siuan, you're not crazy, and yes we can help your daughter. With my son, all was very normal until after his first birthday. Around 18 months he was regressing in speech instead of progressing, and by 22 months we had a diagnosis. Very fast, unexpected and he is affected more than my daughter (he is moderate autistic with developmental delay, she is mild-to-moderate autistic with no developmental delay - we suspect Asperger's). Heh. But yes, there was that quiet part of me hoping someone would say, "Siuan, your kids are just fine. All you need to do is _____."

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING in the world. They never cease to amaze me in what they can do, and I focus a lot on their many strengths. Just, I dunno, I was feeling sad about reading the papers when they arrived is all. Thanks everyone for the kind words, it helps a lot. I am feeling much better today. I'm glad this forum is here.