If we had known: Asperger's and murder

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It wasn't until after my brother was murdered that I had even heard of Aspergers. It was when I was explaining my own grief to a counselor that I first heard of it, and after talking with my parents and other siblings, we felt it fit my 38-year-old brother to a "T". We loved him for his wit and loyalty, but we always knew he was "different". He was very intelligent but had little social skills, was physically awkward, loved to argue, and was obsessed with one specific subject. It was this subject (in his case, homelessness), that led him to his untimely death, as he was unable to recognize danger and got himself in a situation trying to help homeless people who didn't want to be helped. This group of people brutally murdered him, and have been convicted and sent to jail, but I can't help feeling saddened that we didn't know of Asperger's earlier. Perhaps he would have known better than to always trust his own judgment. Perhaps we would have been more insistent to intervene. He was mostly independent, living on his own, but needed help to be supported. He was fiercely dedicated to helping people, and he often said he wasn't concerned with the danger. Now I know his uniqueness had a name, and I wonder how much might have changed if we had known.

I put this in the "parent's discussion" not to frighten or scare, but to express my own feelings, and because I wonder if my family has a responsibility to make this syndrome and its associated strengths and weaknesses more widely known. How could we have never heard of it?

Last edited by brotherandrew on 28 Nov 2007, 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sadly, there is still this common belief that only children have autism and Aspergers and that they somehow magically "grow out of it" by the time they are 18.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother being brutally murdered on the street by the very people that he was trying to help. Quite frankly, that kind of brutality had more to do with that particular "clique", than the measure of any condition he might have held that was undiagnosed. Was he prior military, being a part of his interest, perhaps wanting to help his own comrades being homeless?

Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Nov 2007, 10:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

brotherandrew, that is a beautiful and amazing story. It gave me goosebumps on my arms. Such a tragedy- yet, your brother died helping others, doing what he loved. His life and death have power and meaning, no?

The reason I ask if he might be a Veteran, especially in the US, would be for a fact there has been recent legislation attached to a Homeless Bill, that makes it a hate crime to target a Veteran. Basically, you can't go around beating them up on the street corner anymore, and expect to walk away with the same leniency you might get when a civilian is targeted.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Please know that Aspergers wasn't in the DSM manual until the late 1990s. Our son, who is 15, was only dxed when he was 13~ and even then it was difficult to get a diagnosis because he functions so high.
My husband was diagnosed 3 months after my son......
You ask what you can do at this time to ease your grief......First, stop beating yourself up for something you knew nothing about. Second, become informed on the subject. Third, look into joining your local Autism/Aspergers Society. They can offer advice and assistance.
Best of luck to you and your family during this difficult time.

I'm so sorry about your brother. How tragic.

My brother was never in the military, his interest in the homeless issue started from volunteering at a homeless shelter.

As one of the other posters said, AS was not listed in the DSM IV until the 1990's, so it is unlikely most people would have heard of it until a few years after it's publication in North America when people were more widely diagnosed than previously.

However, and this is not to criticize you...maybe this is just an Aspie thing...but it seems to me that most Aspies are people who know a little something about everything (which is one of the many reasons why people dislike them). But, interestingly enough, I have found that in crisis situations, peope tend to turn for me for leadership BECAUSE I know a little something about everything.

I suppose it is in my nature to know a little something about everything, but gee whiz, if everyone else remembered things the same way I do, then no one could blame themselves or be blamed for being ignorant, you know?

I know that before I was diagnosed, I knew what AS was. I just did not know that I personally had it.

Maybe it is the way I file facts in my head. I know that it's said that around 95% (the percentage varies depending who you talk to) of the facts we learn the brain tends to forget after a while, and it forgets the facts faster once the principle behind the facts has been understood, retrained, and ingrained. In addition to principles, I tend to retain most of the facts, and correctly too. So if I happen to hear "87.5 percent of all adults (fill in the blank)" today, I can accurately regurgitate that fact six, sixteen, twenty six years later if required to do so. (I'd postulate longer than that, but I have no reached 40 yet.)

But I know that most other people can hear the fact this very second and forget it three minutes later.

When I was in school, I always noticed what happened when I and thirty other people could hear a bunch of facts and then take a pop quiz on what we had learned three days later. I consistently got 100% on everything (and so did a few others) but the AVERAGE scores for the class were down around 80%, which mean that quite a few people had to get bad grades to come up with that average.

But here, finally, after all this rambling, is the point: Most people CAN commit to memory many of the random facts that pass across their perceptual range if they will themselves to.

I tend to be of the mindset that some seemingly useless fact that cross my path now might prove out to be very useful at some future critical juncture, so I try to store away anything that I hear to avoid the type of experience you have encountered.

You might try doing the same in the future.

Sorry for your loss.

I think it's an important story that needs shared. My sympathies to you for the loss of your brother.

Many people complain in the forums on WP about Asperger's becoming the new "thing of the moment". Honestly, after what I went through as a child for lack of a diagnosis and stories like what happened to your brother, I think getting the word out is vital.

i am sad for the loss of your brother. ty for having the state of mind to share this important subject here, you are brave person to do that.
thanks

I am sorry.

granted, its up for debate as to wheater I mean that (being Aspergic myself)

but I am sorry.

I myself try to help, if not for pity, then for gratification that I have tried to do a good deed.

It's a shame that such a demise befell him, when he was trying to help.

I would, out of morbid curisoty, like to examine why they were provoked as to murder him.

People with asperger's stand a higher chance of being murdered, I think. It's unfortunate, the naievety, lack of 'fear'. There used to be a website that listed murdered AS people, there's enough of them to warrant it. There was a similar story in Australia recently. The case has yet to come to court.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/fou ... 87087.html

People of lower social castes get murdered more often and offenders are more likely to get light sentences. There is some level of activism around this issue as it's a phenomenon of disability.


http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q ... arch&meta=

Don't blame yourself for your brother's murder. Even if you had known, he still would have wanted to help the homeless.

There are many aspies trying to get the message out about what it is like to have aspergers. They want to tell their story to others who don't realise they are on the spectrum, and to NT's so that they might understand.

Grieve for your wonderful brother. Tell others about him. Thank you for telling us.

Am I alone if feeling the need to shoot those people?


Any more detail, Postperson? I dont understand why people would murder him.


I'd like to say this is wrong, but i'm trying to break my habit of stating the obvious...

No need to shoot them - they've already received life sentences. There is so much more to the story as there always is, I'm just not sure out of respect for the rest of my family if they would want me to give details like names, places, etc, yet. My brother wasn't perfect and had a way of bringing out the worst in people, even as he tried to sincerely help them. That's why I wonder sometimes if a diagnosis would have helped him and us in difficult situations like he was in. I'm not beating myself up over it, but part of the healing process for me at least is to see that more people know of Asperger's and receive help from sights like this one.