Worried about my toddler.

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This is a long post, so please bear with me. I'm writing because I have been told that my daughter could be autistic and I'm very worried about her.

She turned 2-and-a-1/2 today.

She was initially diagnosed with a speech delay back in August. She wasn't even saying Mama or Papa at the time, so she started going to the county's speech therapy program. She was also evaluated by a neurologist who would not confirm or negate autism - she goes for a follow-up in January (next month).

In addition to speech / group therapy, she started going to daycare in September for two days a week for 4 hours a day

The daycare that she goes to is associated with my University (I am a returning student looking to change fields / careers). They have the following complaints about her:

(a) She is a loner and does not play with other kids AT ALL, preferring to be all by herself most of the time that she is there

(b) She does not join circle time and is only interested in sitting by herself in a corner, browsing books or doing puzzles

(c) She gets very upset when there is a lot of noise / commotion -- as in when a child has a birthday and EVERYONE starts to sing "Happy Birthday" etc. The teacher told me that loud noises (such as group singing or clapping etc) get her crying uncontrollably but that she won't go to the teacher for comfort even when she's crying.

The speech therapist's observation:

(a) She needs to be REALLY motivated to do something. So, some days she'll be signing like crazy, vocalizing like it's nobody's business and really interacting with the therapist (both in individual and group therapy) and on other days, she'll really and completely tune everyone and everything out.

(b) She does not really interact with other kids. Other kids sometimes come up to her and kiss her and she'll not react to them at all (just have a blank expression or toddle away)

(c) She makes excellent eye contact and that, per the therapist, sheds doubt on whether she's autistic.

My observation:

OK, I know I'm the Mom but I'm not in denial. I am very serious when I say that the daughter I know at home is an active, mischievous, playful and loving little thing. In fact, she'll kiss me suddenly, coax me into playing with her (smiling and signing and gurgling to signal interest in playing), is more than happy to be tossed in the air and caught, rocked on my knee, enjoys looking at books and objects and is basically the total opposite of the child in daycare or at speech / group therapy.

When my nephew was visiting (he's a month younger than she is), she just ignored him. He initiated a LOT of playing with her and she tolerated him (BARELY). She also got very aggressive when he took away her toys / books in an effort to get her to play WITH him rather than play / "read" by herself -- in fact, one time she bit him in the chest.

So I know that the daycare people are right in their concerns about her strong preference to avoid other kids and just be by herself.

We so-sleep (family bed -- not looking to start a debate here about this, I know this is a hot button topic), mainly because she HATES sleeping alone. She will usually climb onto her father's chest in the middle of the night repeatedly (even if he tries to get her off) and continue the rest of her nightly sleep on him.

BTW, she's still not weaned. Given all these 'issues', I didn't really try to wean her and she's still not potty trained.

So, all in all, she seems to be quite the odd ball. I don't know what to think, really, and am hoping that someone out there can help me. Do you think that she's just a shy, easily alarmed baby and that the daycare is over-exaggerating or am I the one in denial? Does anyone have any suggestions / opinions / advice for me? She IS going to see a neurologist next month but I'd like to know if anyone here thinks that she could be an autistic?

Thanks for reading this long post and for taking the time to respond.

Is there any way you can observe her in sessions or at daycare when she doesn't think you're watching?

How much experience have you had with other children her age?

The speech delay is the biggest red flag, to me. It is not a minor delay, as I'm sure you're aware. If that were not present, based on the rest of your description, I wouldn't be too suspicious. Her relationship with you and your husband sounds quite social. She lets you read her stories and she looks to your face when you talk?

I'm glad you'll be seeing a specialist again. There are some confusing elements here, so it doesn't sound like you'll be able to get a good feel for what might be going on until she is evaluated again. I know from personal experience how long and hard that wait can be... Take care!

Hello Mommy 73,

I am another Mother born in 1973.

I have 3 sons - 2 diagnosed with Asperger's.

Your daughter certainly sounds like she could fit on the Autistic Spectrum. She makes eye contact, but just because a child makes eye contact, doesn't exclude them from being autistic. There are a large number of signs/symptoms and not every child with Autism will have every sign/symptom.

Early diagnosis and intervention is crucial.

I suggest you contact your local Autism society and ask them for recommendations on Paediatricians/Psychiatrists/Psychologists who have excellent knowledge in Autism.

In the meantime, can you ask the daycare centre to not force her into social activities. Ask them if they can give her some headphones with gentle music if she becomes overwhelmed with noise.

My sons with Asperger's are happy and playful at home. When they are put in stressful situations - large crowds, lots of noise etc they withdraw or meltdown.

Good luck

Helen

girls symptoms are often quite different than boys.......my kids are far more social at home where they are comfortable, than when they are out in society. i would definitely make sure you get her tested formally. it's possible that it's not autism, but i'm no expert. it could be seperation anxiety, social anxiety etc.....you really need to get her tested.

I don't think co-sleeping is a hot button topic here. It's often the only way to get a good night's sleep. I agree with the others', it definitely sounds like she has serious delays but at the same time is a lot more social than many autistics. Besides the assessments you're currently dealing with, perhaps you should clarify with the daycare if those "complaints" are problems they don't tolerate or if they're willing to work with her.

One reason I got concerned about the daycare is because in their formal write up to her case manager (the one overseeing the speech therapy service), they claimed that she has used exactly two words since she started at the center (09/07). One was "shoe", apparently when she dropped her shoe and the teacher asked her where it was, and the other "was a word resembling BYE"

I know (and the speech therapist knows) that she uses about 10 words now -- apple, purple, red, eeyow (for yellow), people, monkey, gloo (igloo), can count from one to ten (excluding the one) and can even say "Set"" as part of "Ready, Set, Go".

The speech therapist says that sometimes she's very active in individual sessions but "meltsdown" / "tunes out" in the group session that follows. She does make excellent eye contact with the therapist, the aides, anyone that she is watching / addressing and she does acknowledge other kids. She just chooses to ignore the kids. The main red flags to me are the speech delay, the "tuning out" when in a group environment, the knee jerk reactions to chaotic / stimulated environments and crowds. I am so confused because she is such a loving little thing at home and this withdrawn being outside with everyone else. She will bring me her library books and point and look at pictures with me. She used to love me to read to her, too. She enjoys being tossed up and down in the air and being rocked on our knees (as long as it's me or her father doing the tossing and catching and rocking). Unfortunately, however, she will spend more time with the outside world when she turns five than with us and this worries me.

I used to want her to be a doctor/lawyer/scientist etc but now, all I want is for her to gain SOME education, find and marry an honorable young man, have a family and a safe cocoon around her all her life. I have infertility issues so she will be an only child (unless we adopt), so she won't even have supportive siblings after I am gone.

I almost wish I had remained infertile. I am just drained right now

I actually observe her in behavioral therapy and it's not good.

She doesn't really mix with the group and doesn't seem to follow many of the commands there (although she mimics them later at HOME!)


For example, they play nursery rhymes and the therapist, aides and other kids will make the actions accompanying the song -- such as itsy bitsy spider climbing up the spout etc. DD will simply sway from side-to-side, enjoying the music, but won't make the actions corrosponding to the song. During OT, She won't let the aides or the OT touch her, resists being picked up and led up the rope ladder or slide. OT is when I've really seen her cry and act freaked -- kids running around everywhere, climbing up slides and swings etc -- MAXIMUM chaos.

Yet in the playground, she'll gladly follow Daddy as he whizzes down the slide or enjoy the swing in the playground (she loves swinging to the point where she starts crying if we take her off of it to use another equipment). Dad has told me that she avoids equipment if she sees other kids on them!

She LOVES dogs -- and when she sees one going by, will run blindly to it and attempt to play with it -- another symptom? -- although of late, she has started showing some fear of a dog that she prevously "knew" (a "regular" dog in the playground that she befriended and that always makes for her when it sees her).

She also prefers to just run, run, run and run until she tires out -- sometimes, she does that during OT and group therapy, too -- to the exclusion of other activities.

I am very confused.

Regardless of the outcome, please don't don't lose heart that your daughter "has no future". There are doctors, actors and successful people out there that are autistic. She's very young and with speech therapy and perhaps sensory integration therapy, she'll learn a lot more than you're thinking.
My son was assessed in 2002 and the literature available at the time was very pessimistic. We're finding out that those predicted outcomes are just not true for many autistics. Going by what you're describing, my son was more severely affected at that age and at 7, he's at grade level (above in some subjects) going to 2nd grade and can enjoy socializing.
When your daughter is 3, she'll be eligible for special ed services through the school district.

I guess you have ruled out middle ear infection and your daughter's hearing has been tested?
It sounds like your daughter, at the very least, has sensory intergration problems. Most autistic people have them, but you can have them without being autistic, too. Have you read "raising a sensory smart child" by Biel and Peske? Auditory overload, loving to swing and run, are some symptoms the book talks about. I was really upset not to have read the book long ago, as it was just about more relevant to my son (HFA) than anything else I have read. I learned the hard way... please read the book
Your daughter, apart form the eye contact, sounds a lot like my son at that age, including sleeping/potty training/weaning. BTW my son did have eye contact, but on his own terms, and often, but not always, not for long.
Please tell how it all turns out... for me, it was a relief to get the diagnosis after so much worry and speculation.

My son was very similar when he was in preschool--he preferred playing alone and didn't mix in with the other kids. He didn't like group activities like Circle Time, and he would have frequent meltdowns. At home, he was very social and talkative, so it took a while for my husband and I to start researching Asperger's.

What is HFA? Her hearing is fine, so something else is going on.


Are the symptoms discussed in the book were relavent to sensory intergration or autism? Sorry..am a little confused about this.


Thanks.

HFA=High functioning autism

I think that you're right to be worried, for one thing.

Another thing that I'd like to point out, is that my mum didn't start potty training me, until I was 2 and a half. I think that society puts too much pressure on toddlers to be trained, by 2 and a half. Of course I've been wearing Depends since last December, so who am I to speak? :O)

Making eye contact wouldn't necessarily exclude a PDD diagnosis as long as she meets enough of the other criteria in the DSM IV lists. Is her eye contact better with people she knows?

My daughter (same age) also is much happier and interactive at home VS being out with strangers. She doesn't talk much either, at most she has 10 words including approximations.

Sorry.
HFA = high functining autism. Language delay, normal IQ.
Symptoms are of sensory intergration problems, for example crying when children sing, loving to swing or run. These reflect sensory over or understimulation. Most autistic people have these problems, but they can be a seperate condition, too.

What is PDD? Sorry, I'm still learning the abbreviations.

I haven't really noticed a vast difference in the eye contact she makes with us, in comparison to eye contact with strangers. The main difference I've noticed is that she is more social, more comfortable with us than with other adults (adults she doesn't know very well) and with her peers. Another thing I've noticed is that she's very fond of my older nephew (age 9) than my younger nephew (a month younger than her). She loves playing with ON, and allows him to pick her up, kiss her etc -- she doesn't see him that often, btw. In general, I've noticed that she's better around adults and older children (like my older nephew) than with her peers. I also have a baby nephew (aged 3 months). She is very curious about him and will look at him, try to touch his face etc. It looks like it's just her own age peers that she's wary of / ignores.

Last edited by Mommy73 on 08 Dec 2007, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.