Had to remove our son from school today

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Our son's school called today to say I needed to come pick him up. He hasn't been upset (I asked), he's simply been "out of control." He was disruptive and yelling the moment he walked into homeroom (3rd grade, btw), he had to be removed from music class, and a teacher (one with a son his age with AS) was asked to come remove him from the cafeteria at lunch, too. Evidently he was incredibly hyper. They made him walk the length of the hall five times before he could do so without falling down on purpose or bashing himself into the walls and nearly knocking displays over.

When I arrived to pick him up, he was in a rocking chair, grinning in a somewhat far-off way, and flinging a teddy bear into the air over and over. He did not seem to be the least bit concerned. I asked the teacher, "Do you feel like he's heard a word you've said today?" and she sheepishly shook her head. "No, sorry," she said. "I've pulled out every trick I know from my hat, and nothing's helped." I thanked her for trying, and observed he seemed pretty much "out of it" and not able to hear or heed other people's words at this time.

In the past, I have become really upset with him and even yelled at him for similar situations. I feel terrible for this now, but I was so frustrated and felt incredible pressure from the schools, and felt like everyone thought I was a "bad parent" because I can't control these behaviors of his. But today, I kept my cool. I didn't even raise my voice. I could see that he was/is just "gone" - like he was before he was on medication, three years ago. Since then, every once in awhile, we get a little glimpse of what he was like "before meds." It's hard to believe we lived nearly every day like that at one time. I'm frankly amazed we all survived and kept our family together.

Anyway. Next week, we're finally supposed to have another meeting to re-evaluate his 504 and see if we shouldn't be pursuing an IEP. I am trying to look on today's episode as a blessing in disguise - it was good for all these staff members see him in a full-on "episode" where he's basically unreachable. He can respond to basic yes/no questions, and he does not appear to be upset, or anxious - and when directly asked, he even says he feels "really hyper" and "really happy." So this behavior does not appear to be a stress-related response. It just sort of...takes him over, and he gets swept away for awhile. There's really nothing to be done, it seems, but have him go outside and run around, or ride his bike, or SOMETHING to run all that energy off. So that's what we're trying right now.

But maybe now they'll see that no, I cannot truly "control" his behaviors, and yes, he DOES exhibit behaviors and empathy issues that are completely consistent with an AS/ASD diagnosis.

I'd appreciate any advice, kind words, etc. I'd also like to know if your child exhibits similar behaviors, and if so, does your child ever seem unusually hungry during his "episodes"? Ours was ravenous last night, and today the only thing the teacher mentioned other than his "bad behaviors" was that he kept saying he was hungry, even after he'd eaten lunch and had seconds (and he did have breakfast this morning). When I drove him home, he said he was STILL hungry. A "growth spurt," perhaps?

Hello,

Has your son not yet been officially diagnosed with AS? I wasn't sure from your post.

If he has AS, he definantly needs an IEP.

I have 2 sons with Asperger's. Nothing like a good meltdown at school to get the teachers to understand the situation and that you're not just a 'highly strung' mother. One of my sons had an impressive meltdown at school 6 months ago - within days his IEP was being followed to the letter, and the teachers/vice principal were bending over backwards to help us out.

Were there any signs leading up to the meltdown? I have found when they're getting tired sometimes they need a few days off school. No point them being at school if they're not in any state of mind to learn. Recently we sent our 7 year old to my parent's for 6 days (he missed 5 days of school).

Can you discuss with the school what may have caused the meltdown? Bullying? Unexpected change in routine? Sensory overload?

Regards
Helen

not necessarily, some are just fine with a 504.

He's been diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist with AS and ADHD, but the school district may ultimately want another opinion.

I don't really call these episodes "meltdowns" - he's not upset, not crying, not angry. He's just extremely hyper and physical and can't stop talking and yelling and crawling under desks and throwing himself into things and other people and rolling on the ground and no matter what anyone says or does he will not stop. I asked the teachers and I asked him if anything strange or bad happened this morning, and they all said no - he just arrived that way. He was up a bit early this morning and was somewhat demanding, but no moreso than usual. The only thing I'd say was different than usual at all was that his dad drove him to school this morning - usually he rides his bike, but it's very cold and rainy today.

I'm actually wondering if he didn't take his meds this morning, because it's now 5pm and he's STILL literally bouncing off the walls, giggling, screeching, babbling nonsense to himself, chasing the cats, grinning and laughing at inappropriate times, and generally working his poor mother's last nerve, bless his little heart. I haven't seen him like this in months.

Could you please explain briefly what's the advantage of an IEP over a 504? I don't know if our 504 is worthless, or needs retooling, or if it's just not being followed properly, or WHAT. It's definitely not working currently, that for sure. We're meeting at the school next week to discuss it. It seems like they "know" he has AS because of his 504, but then they seem to want us to punish him like he's an NT for his AS behaviors.

don't overestimate your son's ability to label his emotions accurately......you say he reports that he's happy & hyper when these episodes happen......it sounds, though, that he was quite manic~overly stimulated.....
the benefit to an IEP vs a 504 plan is that IEP's have annual measurable goals and objectives. IEPs are taken more seriously than 504 plans in an educational setting

Hey everyone, I just had another talk with my son, and after repeated denials, he finally admitted that he threw his pills in the trash this morning (I dug them out because they're expensive, and to make sure he wasn't lying from stress or something). When I asked him why he did this, he said he's "getting tired" of taking his pills every day, and thought he was "responsible enough" now to "make good choices" with his behavior. (Even though we've seen virtually zero evidence of this.) He said he wanted to "see what would happen" if he just didn't take them one day.

I tried to explain to him that it's fine for him to question his condition, and his behaviors, and why he has to take the pills. But he was wrong to go behind my back and not tell me or discuss it with me first, and then choose to pull this on a school day, rather than a weekend - heck, this Friday school is out, and we could've decided to "try" it THEN.

So. Now it all makes perfect sense, and I can let his teachers know what really caused this. I just wish his lying and sneaking weren't getting progressively worse.

He's growing up.

Would you mind elaborating on this a bit? I want to understand.

I can't imagine my son taking pills on his own, responsibly, and he's eight-years old (3rd grade). What if he takes too many one day or takes two of the same one or forgets? Isn't it dangerous to not take medication one day? I thought children had to be weaned, slowly, off meds?

Finally, it is shocking to hear that your son is so remarkably hyper and happy, as it refers to it, without the pills. I wonder if some of this behavior wasn't psycosomatic or overdramatized? Your son is smart enough to know he needs the meds to be calm and focused. So, he decided to try a day without them to see how it feels. Did you ever consider that possibly the pills make him tired, drowsy? A student of mine explained how he told his parents he didn't want to take his meds for just this reason. They made him feel tired.

I don't know about you but hyper-happy isn't s bad. My son is this way, the way you describe, silly, jumping about, filled with questions and energy, and I refer to it as high-spirited. Maybe your son doesn't know what to do with these powerful energy bursts and emotions because it is foreign to him. How will he learn how to self-regulate minus meds?

equinn

His father or I give him his pills each morning; however, we do not always stand there and watch him take them. This is because he has generally been very good about taking them - he's only "forgotten" perhaps one day a year over the last three years. I certainly don't just hand him the bottle and expect him to dole them out for himself. I imagine children should be weaned gradually off meds - but we're not trying to take him off the meds - he just didn't take them today.

Of course I've considered how his meds make him feel. Believe me, no one who knows this child would ever describe him as "tired" or "drowsy" - he still has the energy of two or three kids (instead of 6). He's active, healthy, and in his fourth year of jr league soccer. He's still a happy, goofy, silly, precocious little boy. Before the meds, he wasn't crazy hyper 24/7, but most of the time. He just utterly exhausted us, and we have no family or friends to help us or give us a break or even a better perspective. The schools have only stressed us even more, constantly demanding we "do something" about his behavior - even after the drastic improvement from his meds, his teachers are always vexed with him and say he's incredibly disruptive.

We would love to teach him to self-regulate and manage his "energy bursts" without medication - so far, no one has helped us with that, but we're hoping to get him on a waiting list for speech and behavioral therapy next year. We tried all we could or knew to do before resorting to meds - it was a very difficult decision for us. We are also trying to get the district to make accomodations for him and help us with further socialization therapy, etc.

You can't make him take pills if he doesn't want to.

You need to make him want to.

Could you have a book/chart where you say, can you take meds today. If he wants to take one, get it ticked, if not, leave it unticked.

Make sure that the teachers know the daily situations.

Get feedback from the teachers - and more importantly from HIM about...
- how he feels on and off meds.
- what the reasons are that he doesn't want to take them
- if he has a bad day... does he think the meds would have helped
- does he even see bad days as bad
- if not, he may need to be videotaped.

You said...

That sounds more ADHD than Aspie but check VERY carefully. Meltdowns aren't always about the current situation, so even if he seems happy about it, he may be unhappy about something else...

See:

An Aspie Meltdown - An insider's point of view (Life-With-Aspergers)

one thing that can help with the jumpiness is a weighted vest. many people find them soothing
we've had our own issues here with trying to make sure that son takes his meds ( he's 15 ). theoretically, he's old enough to be able to take his daily meds on his own~ i put them into his pill box. he should be able to take them out and take them.......alas, this is not the case. some days he's good about it & i just need to tell him to take them & he does.......most days, though, an adult literally has to stand there and hand him his meds and watch him take them. he is not happy that he has to take meds. he realizes that he needs them, he's just not happy that he has to take them.......he has one med, though, that he absolutely hates taking because he says it makes him sleepy~it's a sleep med that he takes at night before bed.

Our son has always been very good about taking his meds, really we've been amazed how good he's been with it. This morning I did stand and watch him take them, though, and I will continue to do so in the future. Also called the school and let them know what had happened. We've never tried to "force" him to take them. And after yesterday, he now has a good reminder of WHY he takes them, and that they really do help him control himself and get along at school. I've asked him many times over the past 3 years how the meds make him feel, if they make him feel bad, or jumpy, or sad, or tired, or "out of it," or anything bad or weird whatsoever, and he's always sworn he feels fine, they don't make him jittery, and then seems annoyed with me for asking so many pesky questions.

We do give him a Melatonin at night before bed - he reminds us to give it to him, he likes the peppermint taste and he knows it helps him get to sleep.

My son (same age as yours) was having those behaviors everyday at school. He doesn't take medication. He became very disconnected at school and started stimming. At times, he appeared nonverbal autistic (in the school setting). We started homeschooling and things aren't perfect. It's a struggle everyday, but it's better than the endless IEP meetings, suspensions, and placement changes.

If your son's behavior returns, even while on medication, I just want you to know that I've been there. I've walked into school and seen my son completely "out-of-it" in the timeout chair, disconnected.

If you don't mind me asking, what medicines does your son take? My son's pediatrician tried to talk me into giving mine some meds. Sometimes, I think about it.

He's making his own decisions about his medication and taking the risks involved. This is mature behavior. He knows he has to get rid of his crutch. With the medication controlling him he can't learn to control himself.