I'm right there with the moms depression and being judged thing. What kills me are the people (read: family members) who go back and forth. They are either complaining about the child's behavior or saying you are too hard on them for their behavior. Never in a million years would I give someone my opinion about their child's behavior or the way I "perceive" the parents to be raising them. Why do some people think it's fine??
Right now, my son is spending this holiday week with family on the other side of the country. I'm sure I'll get the phone calls and complaints about his "odd behavior," or "why can't he just do 'whatever'." Yes, you will need to "remind" him to go brush his teeth and shower every day. Yes, he'll do his own thing and won't even notice you all week, regardless of whether or not you think it's rude - get over it.
My son is 15, so this has been going on for years.