Observations of my son

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My firstborn son and I went to his Jr. High orientation last night. He is apprehensive about entering Jr. High and had begged me to home-school him instead, but we discussed it and I told him that he should at least give it a try. Seeing him in the company of lots of other people his own age was interesting, and I noticed a number of things:

* The auditorium was packed full of people to the point that we could not even get in the door, but he could stand near it. He didn't want to, though. Neither of us could understand what was being said anyway, too much noise and distraction.

* He was given a schedule and picked right up on it and then became excited, running around looking for the class numbers to match the paper. However, he didn't much seem to care about the class itself or even the teachers, for that matter! It was just a chase from one room number to the next.

*I introduced him to his teachers anyway. He would not look them in the eye, or even look up and in their general direction, even when reminded to do so (between teachers). I told him he didn't have to make eye contact if he didn't want to, but at least looking at the teacher's face or in that general direction would be better than looking straight down. He would hardly speak to them, just sort of half mumbled/whispered, "Nice to meet you too," to all of them, even the ones who were teachers of subjects he really likes. He shook hands only when the teacher initiated it and then, reluctantly and seemed relieved to get his hand back to himself ASAP!

*We ran through the routine he will follow on a typical school day and he was very cooperative and happy to do so, consulting the list all the way. I noticed that when he moves, he either does not pay a lot of attention to whether he is in someone else's route of travel or space, or he takes pains (as I do also) to avoid them if he sees them. Most of the time, he didn't look up and where he was going.

*When we encountered friends (and he has very few friends but they mean a lot to him), he would hardly acknowledge them and was extremely shy and sheepish. He likes one of these friends so much that he has asked me if we could buy land near him just so they could be closer and play more, yet he would hardly say "Hi"??

*We got the school supplies list and again, he honed right in on the list and was reading it avidly. I wanted to get a list of school rules if there was one, but at this point he piped up and said, "Mom, can we get out of here now? There are too many people, I can't stand it, it's all crowded, I don't like crowded places with lots of people!!"
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At this point, I am solidly convinced that this kid is either Aspie or has very strong aspie tendencies!

I haven't ever really considered getting him diagnosed (partly because it never jumped out at me so clearly until last night) but do you think it would be a good idea to do so? Another thing he mentioned on the ay home was that he hoped the classees would be quieter or that they would let him do his work at home, because he got bad grades due to the fact that he had to do the work in class and the other kids made too much noise (he drummed his fingers on the dashboard to demonstrate) for him to concentrate. I had this problem also...

Last edited by chamoisee on 01 Sep 2005, 1:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My son hit the wall at middle school. It wasn't a pretty sight.

If I may ask, does he have an IEP or 504 plan in place. It sounds to me like maybe not. I don't know much about the schools in your area but I do know people who know people if we need specifics.

The formal dx means little to our school district here. Some teachers are willing to work with you and some are not, regardless of a dx. If one gets stuck in the situation where the teacher(s) won't work with you, or you need more than simple accomidations, *then* a formal dx helps but isn't strictly necessary. At least here. Even with a formal dx of PDD-NOS the schools insisted on doing their own tests.

So, school isn't a reason to test in my opinion, at least not at this point for you.

BUT

Sometimes there are other reasons.

Would the diagnoiser be able to give you suggestions on how to make his life better? Maybe. You understand Asperger's and you understand your son better than any 3rd party ever will but sometimes a fresh person brings fresh ideas.

The other reason to get the dx is to that he understands he is not **weird** or **stupid** just different. Again, since you have a PDD I can't see that being an issue in your family.

I don't really know if this post is helpful or more confusing. I guess I'm saying if you didn't see a reason before the open house, there probably isn't a reason now.

BeeBee

Im the same way alot of the time still in college although I do fake eye contact alot better then it seems like he does (years of practice you know, granted I never really had that much problem unless it was a one on one situation.) I would diffentely say to get him dxed just because then you have something to give to his teachers and hopefully to get some kind of disablility plan so he can study (as beebee was saying.)

He did have some sort of a condition (they called it a learning disability) where he did not hold his pencil the right way and his handwriting was illegible and it took an incredibly long time for him to write anything. He was getting failed on his work even when he did it and the answers were correct, because the teacher couldn't read his handwriting. They had someone working with him once a week to improve his writing after they addressed the problem.

He is also horribly disorganized...I mean, he hates doing the work anyway (sometimes he says it's too easy, other times he complains it's too hard) but he has had a lot of bad grades simply because he could not find the completed assignment and turn it in on time. :-/ Unfortunately, this is also very familiar to me... As far as I can tell, this is one of the most glaring problems. He's very bright and competent, but if he never turns work in...

The worst was the bullying though, and if that becomes a big issue this year, I probably will end up homeschooling him.

So, do you folks agree that he sounds aspie? His younger brother is almost certainly on the spectrum... he often says that little Daniel is his special friend, and they play together quite a bit.

I guess my concern is that Kleber (the oldest one) is so easily discouraged and depressive that I don't want him using a diagnosis as a self imposed limitation or a reason not to try, if that makes sense.

It makes a lot of sense. And its a valid concern.

the failing grades have to have an impact on him too. ie "if all I can get is Ds, why try" type of thought.

Its such a fine line.

D's issues are sensory and organization. He was also failing because of late homework. It sounds like D is having a more diffucult time then Kleber so you might not need as many supports in place but here is what we had in place last year (sixth grade).

--Points were not to be deducted for poor spelling and penmanship unless that was the point of the homework (ie spelling lists)

--The teacher's themselves where to grade D's homework rather than teacher helpers. (The teachers would take the time to try to understand what he wrote and based on that and how he particpated in class could gnerally tell if he "got it". The helpers, who didn't know D and didn't understand he was a bright cookie would simply assume the paper was done by a done too bright student and would assume it was wrong is they couldn't understand it.)

--D could take tests in quiet area.

--I would e-mail his teachers on Wednesdays and they would have until Friday noon to e-mail back if D was current or not. If they didn't e-mail back by noon, I called the assistant principal and he asked them to do so. That gave us the weekend to find or redo homework that managed to get lost.

--no points were taken off for late homework.

This year D is in a "center-based" program and is getting even more support. Still, they let him know that they expect him to keep up (indeed, he is in the advanced math section), graduate, and go on to advanced schooling if that is what he wants.

Yes, K sounds kind of Aspie like. But the LD may be coming into play too.

BeeBee

My handwritings about the same and I did get therapy for it for a while (until they gave up.) It wasnt until last year that they let me use a computer to do my tests (though my senior year I told people about all of this and they gave me some slack for bad handwriting for the most part.) Which is diffently a reason to get him dxed as he doesnt have to use this as an excuse as his handwriting will most likely always be bad and if hes a decent typist it wouldnt be that much trouble at all for the teachers to let him use a computer on his tests (Im sure theres one in every room and while some might be like "well that puts everyone else at a disadvantage" most likely his counselor will see it the right way and will till that teacher to shut up .

6th grade I also had a huge problem with organization and the best advice I can offer here is to help him develop some sort of routine to help him keep stuff organized... with me it was always like using my assignment as a bookmark in the textbook course that might not work for him for a few more years, for now you might just need to ask him if hes sure he has everything ready for the day (and make sure he does.)

Bullying theres not much help for, several cities (mine for example and I think Beebees too) have special classes for people on the autism spectrum but if you dont live in one of this cities you either have to learn how to deal with this or go to homeschool. Also I think you should tell him about all of this and maybe let him talk to us on this site. While he might use it as an excuse I bet everyone here wishes they knew about it right away.
Bryan

You're right Bryan. D is in a autie classroom this year. At least he is 1/2 time. The advantage of going to a large enough district to offer it, I guess.

I would like to know what that initial diagnosis was (or did I miss it). It wasn't anything like PDD was it? Pervasive Developmental Delay is almost always changed to a diagnosis of autism at school age.

I would definitely not recommend homeschooling. Frankly, you lack the resources and expertise to provide him with everything he is going to need. Additionally, it would only serve to continue to isolate him.

That doesn't mean that I think that the current course of action is approrpriate. Especially since he has already been the victim of bullying and teachers with a lack of understanding.

You need to demand, and participate in, the development of an IEP immediately, and make certain that your son receives educational services appropriate to his abilities and needs.

He doesn't have a diagnosis yet, excpet for some sort of handwriting disorder which they consider to be basically resolved through the therapy he had.

Homeschooling: I think it depends on the kid and the parent. In some cases, it really is the best choice. I actually did homeschool Kleber until 4th grade, and the main reason I put him into public school was that I was sick and tired of the power/control trips with my ex and my son. Basically, there was so much fightiing that the schoolwork was used as a punishment or in an angry way...not the way I wanted him to view learning!! Let me say, however, that he was years ahead of his classmates not only in reading but also in math. Last year, in 6th grade, he finally reached the level he had been at when I entered him in 4th grade!

For this kid, homeschool might in fact be the best choice, but my reasoning was this: he will probably want to go on to college, as he says he wants to work in computers with Microsoft (this will probably change with time, but the point is that he is oriented towards a job where he will need a good education). Therefore, he is going to need to go to highschool, and he might as well learn the routine of going to different classes and teachers right now, while the work is still easy for him and well within his grasp.

This is a town full of rednecks who mostly go into lumber mills or foodservice...if the graduate high school at all...so our schools aren't all that great. I suppose I could hire a tutor for the more advanced subjects as he got older...if all else fails..

Make sure you watch out extra carefully for bullying, as my experiences with the school counselor I had in seventh grade who was supposed to take care of disciplinary actions did nothing, while instead lecturing me about the negative impact on my grade that missing class had and that my "unusual" behaviors (like covering my ears if it was noisy, etc.), invited the verbal and physical peer abuse (though not in those words, of course).

Of course, as these things so frequently turn out, the way she worded things, every time I left, I left thinking it was resolved like she said, in the afternoon realizing that nothing had changed, and missing another hour or so of class the next day with the same thing happening. Ironically, her lecturing (and I can't tell you how much I hate to use that word with a negative connotation) about attendance as opposed to addressing the REAL problems was the very reason that the attendance problems persisted!

In any case, whether I genuinely felt that everything had been solved or had realized it by the time I got home, I found extreme difficulty in relating anything to my parents because I simply had no idea as to how to initiate this kind of dialogue back then. Even during times when my parents would initiate a conversation to ask me if there were any problems, I wouldn't know how to express myself. While I'm not sure as to how a similar problem can be prevented/identified by a parent, it's something to think about as a worst case scenario.

In spite of these difficulties, I am now much better off than I ever could've imagined. Best of luck to you and your son.

For my son, finding out he's an aspie was a relief. He could shed the label/self-image of "bad kid" to embrace "different" and start learning ways to succeed. He's 12 and doing way better, with lots more support, now that we've gotten him diagnosed.

I was opposed to labelling for years, but it's been really helpful - in particular to his self-esteem.

BTW - you might consider having your son check out Wrong Planet for himself...

Hi all. He joined as Padlock11 and seems to enjoy it here. So far school is going a lot better this year for him..(fingers crossed).

My aspie daughter just started junior high. Your description of following his schedule and finding room numbers sounds like what I went through with her. She was over stimulated by just navigating the hallways. Making introductory connections with her teachers was more than she had in her.
I have her in an academic self contained in the morning with 11 other children who are high IQ'd but have a disability In the afternoon she is in honors english and social studies.
Homeschooling would not work because she and I get into struggles when it comes to academics. I have a Masters in Education yet she does not let me show her things.
Laure