Do you force your kids do do things the NT way or NT method?

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Do you make them do this, not to please NTs, but because you believe it's the only right way?

IMO if you take me and someone else who was born on the same day in the same year as me, and track us and watch our every move until we're 80, then compare the notes, you will notice that neither of us made the world better (or worse) than the other did.

There are different methods of doing the same thing and just because someone appears to be doing something different doesn't mean they're doing it wrong; first see if they aren't jut using a different method that works just as well!

I feel that the people that make the world a better place are the ones that realize that we all have disabilities of some sort and the biggest disability can be in attitude. If I had a child that had aspergers or autism I don't think I would insist that they act like a NT. Most NTs lie and I have never been around someone with aspergers or autism that did that.

Please educate me, What is NT"s

NT is neurotypical as opposed to a person with asperger's syndrome.

Thanks, I'm new to some of the terminology,But i'm learnig.My son has only been diagnosed with aspergers for three years so i'm trying to learn as much as i can!

Ana54, your whole post, the wording, the thought--- it's all really good.

I want my children, both of whom have autism, to be comfortable in the world. Growing up with AS, so many things were painful for me because I was so lost and just wished I had a "map". I don't expect my son to be captain of the football team and my daughter to be prom queen, I just want them to strive for their personal best and do what makes them happy. I will provide the love, support, encouragement, hugs, understanding and advocacy for them as a parent - but I refuse to force them to be sheep.

I think I tend to find a middle ground with which my son can deal when trying to find a methodology that will work. There are some things he cannot do, because of the AS, others he *can* do, but his AS is blocking his ability to give it a go.

Especially when dealing with school life, I think if an NT method is possible, then I encourage my son to go down that path. He wants to be able to do many things the way his peers do them, so I don't have too much of an issue with encouraging NT methods.

That being said, when his limitations are reached, and he must go the AS path, then I will battle the education system right down to the ground to let him succeed.

Fiona

i definitely know people who are devastated if their kids act or dress "not normal". i'm a bit eccentric myself, so i can't imagine any of that crap passing in my house............it's fairly typical for me to wear what others call " gaudy, ugly hats", and my surrent laptop bag is covered with red faux fur, lime green silk faux diamond buttons and green beads...that's what passes for normal in our house

I explain some things to my son that are not obvious to him. He wants to be liked by other people. If he does something very odd that the vast majority of other people would not accept as appropriate, then I explain to him why that's not something he wants to do in public. It's up to him to decide if he wants to take my advice or not.

i try to explain why things are done in that way so he realizes it but i also try to let him do it his own way whenever possible.
however since i am NT and i am teaching him stuff i don't know of may other ways to teach im something thatn what i know and how i know to do it.
i understand that he may not always get things and that's okay as long as he tries.
and that he may have an interesting or unconventional way of doing things and that's good too, so do i sometimes. he is going to have to know some Nt stuff to get by in the world but i want him to be his own person within that.

I'm still trying to balance that. I've always been big into creative thinking and individual expression, so I never thought of his behavior as NT or Aspie, just E.

The things I do try to change are his reactions to the things he cannot change. I use a combination of changing all I can about the situation and helping him find new expressions, though.

For example, we had a multi-generational family portrait made last week. 16 people squished into the photo studio at Sears. Rather than try to make him act like his agemate cousins, I had him bring his current obsession (a Leapster he got for Christmas), and explained that when the photographer was ready he would have to pause and hold the game down behind the person in front of him.

I did expect him to be civil and polite. I did not expect him to make conversation, face a tense situation without his Leapster, or sit quietly anywhere. I also let him wear a pull-up.

Is that the kind of thing you mean? I'm a little confused as to your context.

Before we knew my son had aspergers, i would always say oh he 's just shy, ecspecially at family get togethers, where he would go hide or turn red and say unusaul things.
Now that I know what he 's going through, I still expect him to do normal day to day things, but i know when he needs out of the situation and i am his protector...he can tell me now what he feels too, that has taken along time.
At school, he has regular classes and specials to help with some of the harder task. He does have mel downs, but the teachers now know what to do.
Our life is like a rollarcoaster ride, we have really good days, and BAM!! straight to the bottom. We just start over the next day. I want him to have as normal a life as he can, but then sometimes i wonder what really is normal..haha

I generally leave it up to the individual child. My daughter is receiving therapy 4x a week, speech/ OT/ special instruction but she seems happy and like she is enjoying herself with the therapists. When my son was younger we tried therapy but it was a disaster, so we canceled all therapy. Now that he is older I leave most things up to him, but will still play it by ear with my daughter. I hope to be able to put her in a mainstream school, or even a special ed school, but I want to try to avoid homeschooling her just so she can have more experience out in the world. But I would definitely homeschool her if she ever seemed traumatized by school.

As the mom of a homeschooled 10 year old boy (our 2nd year of homeschooling btw after 4 years of public school) I am compelled to go off topic here because comments like this make me crazy. The perception that homeschooled kids don't "Experience the world" is ludicruous. I would argue that maybe some of them get a chance to experience more of the world than kids who sit in a school building for 6 hours a day. If the perception that many misinformed people have of homeschooling is ever going to change then blanket statements like homeschooled kids aren't socialized or don't experience the world need to end.

I'm not sure, really. I was diagnosed fairly recently, so my parents were always trying to get me to mix with other kids, do certain activities etc as they didn't know any better. The UK is way behind as far as Aspergers goes - my psychotherapist was actually advised by his practice manager not to take me on as a patient when he found out the referral was for Aspergers.

I don't think the NT ways did me any harm.

As a toddler, I rejected affection, rarely displayed emotion and had hysterical meltdowns over things as trivial as shoelaces being uneven. I did not mix with other kids, apart from to snatch toys i wanted off them - if they resisted, I'd beat them up, then play by myself as though nothing had happened. I could be completely non-responsive to external stimuli for minutes at a time, then become extremely destructive when the real world intruded. As it was, my parents were simply told I was a difficult child. Teachers had no clue - I was academically gifted at subjects I enjoyed, and completely indifferent to any subjects that fell outside my sphere of interest.

I'm now pretty high functioning - I've done and been proficient at things that most NTs would fret over, such as business presentations, public speaking and so on. Admittedly I still find some aspects of social interaction a bit tricky, can be overly literal and don't like crowds, but I think that if I'd been able to duck out of some experiences by waving Aspergers as a white flag I'd probably be a less rounded - certainly a more insular - individual.

My parents do admit that now they know about the condition (they are actually very supportive - my mother is actually helping me look into setting up a local Aspie group as there are none in the city) they would have done some things differently, or at least had a better understanding of why I did certain things in certain ways.

Everyone is different, and with such a broad spectrum its not easy generalise over what type of developmental environment would suit.