When ADULTS Pick On Your Kid

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Today I was at gymnastics with my 4 year old daughter. She's having a difficult day, what we call "an aspie day" around here because we're all on the spectrum and we all have those days. She was loud, easily frustrated, constantly distracted and her movements here very rigid and jerky. I felt bad watching her struggle. At one point the children were running, then using a spring board to jump onto a cushioned mat box. It's a fun activity, and one of the instructors helps them make it. My daughter hit it chest-first a couple of times, went stiff as a board a couple of times, and almost did a full somersault over the instructor's arm before finally landing a couple without incident. She was proud and so was I. Determined little bug that she is, she didn't quit.

Meanwhile, two women (other moms) were sitting next to me. I hear the following conversation:

Mom 1: (looking at my very tall daughter, who is the size of an average 5.5 to 6 year old) "That's a big kid. Does she even belong in this class?"

Mom2: (laughing a little) "Yeah, she is pretty big. I wonder why they'd put her in the preschool class."

Mom 1: (observing my daughter running into the block face-first) "Heh, well maybe that's why."

The conversation continued, in very low tones as the rest of it had been, and I caught snippets about coordination and being so big and awkward to hold. I was so pissed. I wanted to give those women a verbal beating, but I was afraid - as upset as I was - that I would stumble on my own words an make a fool of myself. I finally conjured the most vile, nasty look I could and stared them both down. Apparently their little minds were capable of the epiphany that they were speaking about my daughter, and the topic quickly changed to picking on other people. Husbands who were babies, women who were ugly, people with bad hair, blah blah blah etc.

Who picks on a little kid? Yes, my daughter is very tall and thin. Yes, her coordination often sucks. Yes, she has difficulty with tasks that most kids half her age have no problem with. She's autistic. I SO wanted to say that to those horrid women, hoping that if they had any shred of decency, they would realize that when kids struggle so much maybe there is a reason why and they should keep their ignorant mouths shut.

I needed to vent. I found this very upsetting.

OH that makes me so upset, just reading about it!
I don't know what to say, except shame on them.
Sometimes I wish all kinds of accidents and disasters on people like that, which probably isn't very kind. But it sure helps me feel better!

I would probably make a barbed statement like:
"Congratulations you are creative enough to insult my autistic daughter"

say it loud, because those b*****s would be mortified about public humiliation

I've learned somewhat recently that most adults never really grow out of childhood. Of course there is some degree of maturity that comes to most adults, but a lot of them just never really grow up.

I'm not sure what you should have done but just to reinforce something you probably already know, there are too many people like that, and probably many more much worse, to get angry with and waste energy on all the time.

Hope you daughter continues her progress!! !

i always liked: "I'm so glad your child is perfect and never makes mistakes....what a relief that must be for you" ( dripping with sarcasm)

i remember the first time i ever did a horse show on my first pony. i was only 10 at the time & being so meticulous in everything i do i had spent the last 2 days get my pony, me & all our equipment as clean as i could so we would look proper. also i would never accept help from my parents so i had done it all myself. however as i was just about to go into my class, my pony decided to throw me off (quite amusing now looking back) & i landed in a big puddle. however i was determined to go into the class so i did. i did exactly what my instructor had told me to & ok i was not as good as most of the others in that class but i tried my best but i still came last. however i had done in my opinion well for my first show so i was not upset or anything. however there were some mothers of people in the class talking about me within my own earshot. they were commenting on the state of my tack & my clothes (i had just gone head first into a muddy puddle!) & the fact that i did not ride as well as their daughters had done (im dyslexic, dyspraxic & i have AS, ok they did not know this but still i was only 10 & small for my age so if anything they would have thought me younger!)

this upset me, which then annoyed my mum as she thought i was upset that i had come last & not won, but when i told her what these people had said she was angry about it too.

however the daughter of one of these people won the class so what can you do?

I have no clue how you kept yourself from punching them in the face.

To me, people like that and situations like that are the perfect opportunity to find the exact words that let them know exactly how s***ty of a person they are, how immature they are acting, and why they should be ashamed of themselves. Fortunately because people don't usually expect that out of me, peoples jaws usually drop and they just shut up. I have a feeling they don't forget either.

Now don't get me wrong, I have just as much trouble articulating my words when I'm boiling inside like that, but if I'm in a situation where I have the option to wait 5 minutes before saying anything, I'll just rehearse the best I can in my head.

Man, I just wanna find these women and beat them down.

Didn't it cross their minds that one of the other adults watching the gymnastic meet must have been the parent of the child they were talking about? Some people's obliviousness and rudeness is mind-blowing.

I can't stand that sort of attitude. I don't like people who have fun by demeaning others. I see it all the time. Hell, even my parents do it, and I can't stand it.

You don't know what's going through other people's heads, so why make fun of them for it? I wouldn't like it if it was happening to me.

katrine: as a buddhist, I don't wish harm upon anyone - but occasionally I have a profound urge to verbally assault them

shaggydaddy: if a situation like this arises again, I think I'll say exactly that!

abstrusemortal: your epiphany is the same one my husband and I have had. We figure many people get to about 6-8th grade and stop maturing socially.

ster: lol, also a very good response!

Sally: I say good for any 10 year old who gets puddle dunked and gets right back on the pony. I actually feel bad for the other kids too - think of the unreasonable standards their mothers must have held them to I think it's especially awesome that you went on, because with my sensory issues I would have completely unraveled and freaked out about the wet feeling from the puddle.

KristaMeth: ah yes, the urge to knock them both backward off the bleachers courtesy of my fist did arise. I was so pissed that I missed bits of the conversation because I could hear my pulse in my ears. I will definitely have plenty of words for them if they so much as look at my daughter funny. I thought of a million things to say, but the thing is...I tend to stutter when stressed, and flip words. My luck I would have said something like, "You stu-tupid the hell who do think are you!! !?" Sometimes what's upstairs isn't what comes out of my mouth.

Cameo: best I can figure, since I always have my nose in a book, they didn't think I was paying any mind to them. And since I was the only one near them, they probably felt, what are the chances? They learned.

DejaQ: yeah, part of the reason it bothered me so much was because I've been there. I was the kid who had problems with coordination and being easily distracted, having AS. It infurtiates me to think of my little girl enduring the hurt I did.

Some adults are WORSE than kids.

What scares me is how many are teaching their kids how to act the same way...encouraging it.


Blah...if they could only find a cure for "ignorance"...or at least prevent it from breeding.

I remember last year my husband was the head coach of our older son's baseball team. Lots of times I had to stay home because we had just discovered Chris's dx of Autism, but our other son has Tourette Syndrome, which is extreme at times. They were both dx'd at the same time.

So many mothers/fathers/ grandparents didn't know who I was when I showed up to watch my son play.

Well let me tell you about this game....

I brought my younger son (TS) in a different car. It was pretty cold so I left the game to go to the car to get a blanket for us. When I came back my TS guy was belching the B*word over and over again. (He has coprolia and copraxia = obsene words and obsene gestures) and many people were looking at him in disgust.

We sat down at the benches and I was trying to calm him down, whispering do you want to take a walk? Do you want to step away? At this time he was belching and thrusting his face into mine repeatedly. I knew with tics like this he couldn't respond to anything but his tics.

At the same time Chris couldn't figure out which way to run when the ball was hit.

So at first I heard laughing about my son Chris and his confusion. Then I heard laughing how my son couldn't stop belching and making terrible comments about him.

The running the wrong way was brief, so I didn't have time to comment, but my son with TS I did have time to comment because these people wouldn't shut up!

I just looked at them and said "It's a tic" She said what? I said "It's a tic, and he has Tourette Syndrome" I was very calm, I was hugging my guy, loving him, supporting him, but I know I embarrassed them cuz they shut up immediatly. After that they didn't speak another word.

It's funny as months later I was talking on the phone with another mother, and after talking about schools and my sons dysgraphia, and visual processing disorder, she said "wow, that sounds like autism" I sheeplishly said well yes, thats another dx he got.

Then she told me how she had a friend that had a son with autism and she noticed things weren't right with Chris. I said well what did you notice. She said "I noticed that Chris wanted to play with things rather than play baseball, and I noticed he didn't have the normal comerardly (sp?) that the other kids had. He just didn't want to join in.

Anyway, I know I got that lady and her hubby. The lady really was the louder of the two. I was calm, I was polite, I was asertive and firm and stood up for my child.

Sometimes that's all it takes to embarrass someone for being a jackass.

Lainie

I don't think the mothers were trying to be mean when they were talking about your daughter. They just stated comments about her. What they did was called ignorance. They thought your daughter was older so they made a false assumption about her being put in the younger age group because of her poor balance and coordination.
Everyone is ignorant to an extent. What we all need is education.


Lainie:


None of the people knew your son had TS but once you explain to them what was going on, they all understood and stopped looking at him. I wouldn't say they were all being mean Lot of people don't put in mind someone might have a condition.

I don't know what I would have done in that case since they were having a "private" conversation. But, I sort of recently got into with two other women because they giving my son the business. They were getting on to him for something he was doing. They didn't know I was watching the whole thing and, in my opinion, he was doing nothing wrong. When they started barking orders at him, he started to freak out and curl up.

I put myself between him and them and I went on the offensive. One of the women backed down right away and the other woman tried to get me to back down. I was having none of that and I kept dressing her down until she walked away. They ended up leaving the place early, not us.

How very rude and inconsiderate! I think it would have been interesting if you had spoken up and shown them that had planted their hooves firmly in their mouths.

HI Spokane girl,
You know it wasn't so much the words, but the tone this woman and her husband used. It was obvious what they were doing. When you think about most people, how would they respond to a 7 year old belching, loudly, over and over..... your first thought is, he doesn't have any manners. Especially if he uses a bad word along with the belch kwim?

In the posters experience up above, it's one thing if they were mentioning her size, but another that they made a negative comment on her coordination. It really was uncalled for, and people should know better than to put down a child. Even if they think no one can hear.

Lainie