Problem with son taking things from home to school

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Our son is 6 yrs old, and goes to mainstream school. He has always liked taking things from home to school. This was fine for the first year or so as the school often had 'show and tell'. However, this year they do not want the kids to bring things in. I think our son draws comfort from having items from home at school. These "things" can be anything from a toy to book, stones from the drive, anything! In the past the school have had problems where he would become fixated on anything he brings in, and so it would be difficult to get him to do school work. They have said absolutely nothing should be brought in to school.

We are having a nightmare getting him to go to school, unless we let him take something from home. He often lies and will say they have got a 'show and tell', or today he said to us that the teacher said everyone can take something in that they got for Xmas! Every time I have checked with the teacher she says it's a lie. He has even hidden a small mirror inside his shoe to take to school!

Anyone got this problem, and suggestions?........

They should not be so anal-retentive at the school and just let him take a little something from home if it makes him feel a lot better in class.

if he brings something to feel safe, then I wouldnt take it away from him. He needs to have a safe feeling in and around school so he can learn and have fun. I think the best thing would be to teach him that school is safe, give him things in and around school that feel safe. Don't tell him that his teacher doesnt let him bring his "safe items" because he'll remeber that...

hmm, maybe it would help if he could bring his things with him just for now, and shows it to the teacher. the teacher can use these things to create a bond with your son. so he can trust him. when he does trust his teacher, school will feel aot safer, and maybe you can tell him not to bring anything to school. the teacher can then help him find new safe items which can be anything. Your son can choose which. Make sure he can see them. and when he has finished what the teacher told him to do then he can go and do with the items what he wants.

I honstly dont know if this works. I just know that I always felt bad around my teacher. until I was like 11 years old I hated school because of the teachers. no matter what they did. I had to go to a special school, with special teachers. and everything worked out fine after that.

Poor kid!
I'm pretty tough when it comes to this kind of thing (on the teachers, that is). I would talk to the teacher about him needing to take these things. Suggest they get a box he can put his special things in when he arrives in the morning, and that they let him play/look at certain times of the day, breaks for example. Let the school deal with the problem, as if you they and enforce something that you don't really believe is right, it won't work anyway.

Sorry, any teachers out there! Bear with us stressed out parents.

I know that the montessori schools are good for kids with autism, at least mine was, many kids with many problems. and almost all of them got the special treatment they need and desirve (sorry if I mispelled that)

I guess I'm in the minority here. I never brought anything to school from home, not even in preschool, due to the risk of bullies taking it away from me. (There was an incident, where I brought a small toy, and some bullies grabbed it from me and threw it behind a bookcase; I didn't get it back until hours later.) So I learned a lesson very early in life: don't bring anything to school that I can't afford to lose forever. I know that things from home make some kids feel safe at school, but I felt a lot safer knowing that my things are at home behind a locked door, rather than within a bully's reach.

One time when there was a show-and-tell about things that make you feel safe, I brought a cheap flashlight that my parents got from a dollar store just for that purpose. Other kids brought their favorite stuffed animals, dolls, storybooks, trinkets, etc., although one or two kids had flashlights too (nicer-looking than mine). Later that day, someone took the flashlight from me, but I reacted only a little bit; he ended up giving it back when the teacher saw him carrying it. Luckily, there weren't many show and tells at my preschool.

my daughter had this problem of bringing things to school.....she'd obsess about the item for hours......what about working out some sort of reward system ? ( he earns a certain amount of stickers for complying with your wishes - not bringing things to school.....and then earns some sort of reward)

My son J does this all the time. His school dont like things being brought to school either, sometimes its a case of tough luck for them. The times that he takes things in are usually some of the only times he can get other kids to play with him, he has something interesting to show them. I do have to check what he is taking in tho, because sometimes things go missing from his bag, but often these items are "strange" things for 9 year olds to be interested in. ie maybe plastic bit from a coat hanger that he has made up a complex story about. I try to discourage this because he would only get teased more than he already does.
If the item is small enough to fit in his pocket, he can keep it with him, so that every now and then he can put his hand in his pocket and feel safe. Even adults have worry beads.

collywobble,

It's obviously the school that is the problem since there's nothing wrong with bringing things in and then saying that they have to stay in the kids bag during class.

Of course, if he continually takes big/exciting things in, one day they'll be stolen and he'll lose confidence/friends. That happened to my Star Wars figures in 5th grade - I never quite recovered from the incident - never trusted most people at my school again.

Maybe consider getting him things that are "easy" to take it. Eg: Get a label for his bag where he can slip in a different picture card/photo every day?

You could get some old business cards or make some out of cardboard and put a sticker on each. Get the stickers from the newsagents. Eg: Sticker set of Spiderman.

that's my son--he's been this way since preschool! It did get tougher when he started kindergarten. He's gotten somewhat better now that he's in 3rd grade. He brings item into car, but leaves it there--this is a big leap in maturity, I think. He would have had so much difficulty doing this last year. He's latest thing is cell phone and stack of fake money.

Sometimes, he hides things and he's smart enough to not take it out at the wrong time.

I remind him teacher might take thing if he takes it out--he's learned. He doesn't want teacher taking his object for the whole day!

equinn

Thanks everyone!

I had a meeting with the Head this morning. I suggested maybe he could have a treasure box that has some of his chosen items in it. The box could stay at school. Maybe if he's good at school they could let him play with one of his treasures for a while as a reward. This would alleviate my problems in the morning, and they could use it as a tool for good behaviour. I don't know if that might work. The Head is keen on us keeping things as before - for him not to take anything in at all. She says eventually he'll get the hang of it. That's easy for her to say! I am so fed up with being called to her office and presented with various things that he has sneaked into school . I frisk him in the morning but he outsmarts me! He's hidden things inside his shoes before. The Head is going to think about the box thing and discuss it with his teacher and 1:1.

After reading everyones posts I think maybe the school need to compromise somehow, because this problem is not going to go away that easily by just saying no to him all the time. This has been a problem for a long time, and shows no sign of getting better by saying no to him all the time.

Thanks to you all, I've realised that it is the school's problem not ours! The school have just made me feel like it is our problem as parents.

Maybe the headmistress is worried there will be a big fuss if anything goes missing but I can't see why she couldn't have a "treasure box" for your son to put his things in as you suggest.

Of course, you could approach things from the other direction too..

Speak to your son, he's good at hiding things from you, so if he could keep them hidden at school, then the problem would go away.

I can't believe it! I was talking to our son's 1:1 in the classroom, and I happened to be stood over another child and I noticed she was playing with a toy she had brought from home. I mentioned this to the 1:1 and she just said "Oh yeh, just a couple of kids have brought things in though". Great.....double standards. All the other kids have been allowed to take stuff to school, but not our son. No wonder he has been getting so upset!

It makes me sooooo mad to think I have been going through this incredible amount of stress each morning to extract things from our son because he is not to take things to class, and all this time other kids have been allowed to do so. They just think if it's a couple of kids it's ok. Aargh!

Wow... Just typical.

I suspect that you as a parent need to take control - you're paying the school fees (whether directly or indirectly).

Aspie 1

I agree with you. I never took any of my prized possessions to school, for fear of either losing them or having them stolen. To this day, I don't let people borrow books or other items unless I really trust them to bring them back to me.