Thread about little things hurting, made me wonder

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If my son is in the slim minority on the spectrum. He is almost always receptive to affection. In fact, he's clingy and he likes holding my hand in stores, etc.... It looks kind of strange because he's 9 years old, but he'll gladly walk through the mall with me holding my hand and I sometimes get embarrassed because he will not turn loose of my hand. He hugs and kisses family members all the time.

His sensory issues are evident in food textures, noises, and he has an extreme aversion to dirt. He screams when I cut his fingernails (even though I'm very careful).

My son is very affectionate. But only after I introduced him to the Teletubbies as a toddler. Before that, he wouldn't let me hold him (after 6 months old) or hug. Introducing requests got him totally into hugging. Handholding was just enforced and he has grown to be comfortable with it. He just turned 8. He has impulse issues and doesn't always look forward, so we hold hands in parking lots and sidewalks.

I probably would have been more affectionate with my folks but they were really wierd about hugging, kissing and stuff. They forced a lot of it on me and it creeped me out. I'm extremely affectionate with "romantic" partners, now my husband. Making up for lost time. I'm huggy with my son but he needs to ask first. I don't like being grabbed or hugged against my will.

Dr. Temple Grandin has said it has a lot to do with controlling what happens to your body.

My husband can cut Pop's nails but he now bites them off before they get too long.

Having my hair combed hurts. Touching has never been a problem for me...my best friend Kayla, who's also an Aspie, is very touchy feely and so am I, but before someone can hug or touch us we need to give permission.
When I was little I had this thing with my socks, where the little seam at the toes bothered me terribly...I would tantrum for hours...I also can't stand sand, crumbs on table tops, or the texture of paper against the ground (just thinking about it makes my jaw hurt).

Agreed. Nothing brings out my inner dragon like someone coming up and hugging me unexpectedly, or from behind where I can't see them coming. Or patting me on the head.

That your son finds comfort and reassurance in your touch, and enjoys physical contact with his family - that's lovely to hear, Tortuga.

And - bonus! - you don't have to worry that he'll get separated from you at the mall. It's still good, though, to make a plan in case that does happen: "Go to this information kiosk, or that favourite shop, and STAY THERE until I come to get you."

My 9 and 7 year old sons (diagnosed with Asperger's) are affectionate, but only on their terms.

My 4 year old son (undiagnosed) is the one that wants a cuddle in bed, but I'm not allowed to touch him, only lie next to him.

Helen

The affection thing is a myth.

Aspies and Auties (am I allowed to use that word?) are affectionate when they want to be.

In particular, when you're in a strange place they'll often be MORE keen to hold on to you.

Sometimes they like to be cuddled/wrapped.

Funnily enough, it's more a light touch that is annoying (for me anyway).

I'm happy to be cuddled but hate being stroked on the arm etc..

My bf is also an aspie and we spend hours at a time cuddling. I also enjoy getting the occasional hug from his parents, but there's no one in my family I want touching me. I guess for the most part I need to know that person hugging me really does love me before i consider it an enjoyable act.

i don't mind the little kids I teach hugging me though. But then maybe thats because I know how badly I wanted someone to hug me when I was there age, and the school I teach the most often is mostly populated by project kids

Some aspies I know, me included, are very affectionate but we still jump if somebody touches us suddenly. I also don't like being touched by people I dislike.

Yeah, unwanted touching = bad. But cuddling is great. It's not so much not wanting to be touched by anyone as it is not wanting to be harmed I think. It feels like a personal violation.

Last edited by Aurore on 03 Jan 2008, 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm very leery of initiating affection in any way because of being punished for doing so when younger.

When I was little I hugged strangers and people screamed at me for it.

I was told not to take liberties and yelled at by the other kids so I went the other direction and never initiated any kind of affection. Even now, I watch the other person first to see if they look approachable or not.

My 17yo aspie girl gets clingy in crowd situations. Also in new surroundings. Though she likes hugs, its seems like holding on to someones hand helps keep her grounded. And she is not good at paying attention to traffic either. When we are at a mall or somewhere around kids, I have her hang on to my arm. We do get wierd looks but I figure its their problem.

I can see the problem with hugging strangers but I think it was awful of people when you were younger to burn the affection out of you.

My son J is 9 and extremely touchy feely. He doesnt just sit next to me, he sits and leans all over me. He has graduated from hand holding to having to hug my whole arm ( ) this can be annoying its very hard to walk with a child hanging off your arm.
He doesnt discriminate between strangers either he will hug every one, this is a big worry for me. He has learnt tho if you kiss your mum good bye at school you get teased

You don't have to cut his nails; they'll just split at the ends and the ends will come off when they're too long. Unless you're afraid he'll scratch up the furniture?