The Quiet before the Storm aka Suspended pt 2

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I'm so upset. My son had a field trip today. They rode the bus across town to see a dance production. Apparently Pop was fine most of the time, before during and after. Except when they were approaching the school on the return. The adults weren't in hearing distance or reaching distance-this is going by what the kids are saying (again).
The boys were "joking" or insulting each other (Pop was supposedly one in five boys doing this) and at some point Pop got upset. He hit two boys in the head with the seat belt and "punched" another in the stomach. Little ninja, eh? They are going to suspend him (one day) and they are acting surprised that this happened.
I had asked the special ed teacher if I should go and attend, would there be support. I was assured that it would be okay, there would be plenty of adults there. But there was no consideration given that Pop is special ed and will need extra supervision or accomodation.
The special ed teacher, the regular ed teacher and I had a conference call about it. Pop is still at school. The special ed teacher is acting as if she could not anticipate any of this. I asked what interventions have been in place and she said they "are not needed". She continually referred to autistic traits in behavioral terms. That interventions aren't needed because Pop has been "behaving" great.
When I reiterate that autism isn't a behavioral disability but a cognitive one, she threw it back to me and basically said that if I had informed her of his special needs (concerning the specific field trip) she would have been better prepared.

He's fully enrolled in special ed. And she can't anticipate his cognitive deficits?????

This isn't working. It's plain to see. They are not in the business of promoting autistic education but behavioral management.

Also, we were reassured that the last "alternative" consequence for scratching on the bathroom wall was not being documented as a regular discipline. Today I was told that because he was previously given an alternate suspension, this time it will be a regular, out-of-school suspension.

Sounds all too familiar to me.

Wasn't this just the very thing we were talking about?!
Pop is home and very upset. His version is different than the teachers' versions. But it clearly is still about him lashing out at something that he didn't understand. "They said that I liked Barney" was the button they pushed, I guess.
He also denies hitting anyone with the metal part of the seat belt, "it was plastic" and that he hit one kid not two.

No real help except to say from personal experience, believe your kid in what he says. As an aspie, I was always getting into trouble like that myself and was always shocked when the stories came down were so far away from what really happened. It still happens today, folks will say someone said something (be it them, myself or another) and I know something entirely different was said because I remember EXACTLY what was said/done and they remember what they think was said in relation to social interpretation.

Don't get frustrated. DO something. Go to the AA, go to the school board, go to the state/federal boards, go to court. Sometimes the only thing that makes them listen is Monday.

edited: Not Monday. Money. Sigh...

Last edited by fabshelly on 18 Jan 2008, 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

busses are evil ...........my kids, NT and otherwise, have ALL had problems on busses. whenever there's a field trip, i hold my breath and pray for the best~ my kids have been bullied on the bus, thrown up on the bus, you name it....
unfortunately, it is the unstructured times that seem to be most difficult for many aspies. in the future, honestly, i'd plan to go on the trip or keep your kid home. (i've done this with the promise that they could go on the weekend prior to the proposed trip, or that we could do an alternate fun activity)

As I said before, the thing I would be most concerned about is the possibility of him enjoying suspension much more than he enjoys being in the classroom. Thinking back if I would have known what in school suspension was like, I'd have probably tried to get in it every day in 3rd grade

when my son was in public middle school, he'd strive to get to go to the timeout room~it was much quieter, secluded , and friendly than his regular classes......but of course, the school admin saw this as him being purely non-compliant~not that perhaps everything was too overwhelming for him.....

"Enjoying" is relative. He's upset by the whole thing. He also knows that if I keep him home, he gets homeschool. He's had the video games and computer privileges taken away. He may "enjoy" the break but he won't have a holiday over it. I'm not too concerned with how he sees the suspension. He is upset over possibly being "kicked out of school".

I should have gone. But it's not my job to provide the school with a built in aide. They told me not to come and that there would be enough supervision. However, he was able to strike three children in anger??? And no adult saw any of it?

The result of this isn't just the documented violence, but how other kids will see this. Good kids may become afraid of him and bad kids may see this as an opportunity (if they haven't already) to push his buttons to see him get in trouble.

I just hate this reactive crap. Don't do anything until he has "a behavior". And the special ed teacher refuses to discuss this in terms of needing accomodations.

i agree that it's not your job to be an aide for the school........but sometimes, when you know the school is lacking, it's a matter of preserving your own child's dignity.
currently, i drive my son to school because of issues on his bus. not my job, but he certainly is greatly appreciative that he doesn't have to deal with the bullies.....i've tried addressing it with the school admin~they're useless.
so many schools operate on a reactive basis vs. a proactive basis. and you're right, the other kids will more than likely pick up on pop's behavior. there's not a whole lot you can do about their reaction to him. i'm sure you can discuss the lack of supervision on this trip with the school admin. don't know that you'll get anywhere, though.....good luck !

So many kids are SO disrespectful to their peers it's pathetic. We teach to be respectful to all people - no matter if they are disrespectful to her. I also tell her to stick up for herself if she's being picked on.
Kids love to push each other's buttons - and it stinks that our kids get punished for defending themselves against these kids. Please tell me that the other children have been suspended for bullying...because in my eyes, they are the cause.

not that I no of, the incident was seen as a fun event gone wrong, where Pop lost it due to his own lack of control.

I found this to be very frustrating. When my son was having a string of good days, it's as if they forgot he still had ASD. When he had behaviors again, they considered it out-of-blue. They saw no reason for the behaviors. One time when I was asked to pick up my son early, the assistant principal was telling me that I needed to fix these behaviors, etc... as if I wasn't doing enough at home. I said, "He has autism every day." The asst principal still didn't get it.

I tried explaining it to them every which way and all those admin types when to school for child development. In the end, I decided they didn't care. Maybe if each one them had a child on the spectrum, they would get it.

I hope Pop can find a way to cope.

When I was a kid my mum went on all the field trips, it was one of the things she seemed pretty intuitive about and I really appreciated it. Outside the structure of a regular classroom day I had even more trouble coping and was often teased or mistreated by classmates. The other kids didn't pick on me as much when my mom was around (mostly they were vying for her attention instead), so my own behaviour tended to be better, no hitting or meltdowns.

I would register a formal complaint about the lack of support and get it into his file.
You are likely to need it some day.

Revamp the IEP to deal with these sorts of situations.

Well, we went in to talk to the principal again. BAsically we made our case against his special ed program and the teacher, and she responded with another request for another meeting-with the special ed teacher, the psychologist and the director of special ed (of that school)

Things that were denied to us are now being used against us; ie He has the need for a 1-1 aide in his IEP, we were told that TUSD doesn't provide them (but they do) and wouldn't in Pop's case. Now when we complain that he didn't have special ed supervision, they reply, "But he doesn't have 1-1 aide in his IEP, he's 'fully included'."

The problem, to us, isn't the specified manhours spent on Pop, it's the knowledge. Knowing that 3 hours is a long time, a long bus ride, in close quarters-the special ed teacher should know what Pop needs to be successful. She replies that I should have told her his specific problems and needs. He's autistic, while the kids are different the accomodations are pretty much the same general things; schedule, preparation, check up, awareness that he's talking to other kids (that he routinely has problems with), an adult in arm's reach.

The principal brought up that Pop is unique in being fully included, while under the auspice of special ed. I brought up that I specifically asked last year if they had special ed children that were fully included, "was there a graduation to independence with accomodations?" They answered yes, in fact there was a boy who was fully included and ate lunch in a special room to avoid sensory overload. The principal's reply to this was, "but he wasn't like Pop, he didn't have his behaviors".

But he still had needs!! !! That's just what I was saying in someone's thread, the quiet ones get passed through and no one thinks that they need to do anything for them.


So, really, besides going on record one more time, I don't see us getting anywhere with these people.