AH HA MOMENT!

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i had a breakthrough for myself yesterday.
i told B to go and finish his supper then he could play on the computer, he went to the table for a few minutes then came in to play. i asked him if he was finished, he said yes, so i let him play. went into the kitchen a few minutes later and there was food left on his plate, so i got mad at him for lying and kicked him off the computer.
a few minutes later it hit me, he wasn't lying, i had asked the wrong question, he was finished and didn't want to eat anymore, but i wanted him to finish the last bit on his plate. so i asked him if he was finished eating and that's what he said yes to.
it was a slower reaction and unfortunately after a bit of anger, but it finally clicked.
after all the advice and stories and other posts i have read it finally sunk in and i realized it realtively soon afterwards. it's progress at least. horray for small victories. just wanted to share and say thanks for all your help so far.

That's great that figured it out, however all too common we figure it out after the fact. But you know what? My son has big breakthroughs through adversity too. Sometimes it takes a mistake to figure out the bigger message of an event.
I get specific with my food demands, "eat one bite of this" "if you can't eat this, then we'll fix that and you'll eat something else". My issues with food is whether Pop will skip a meal to eat dessert. (my dinner part is full, my water part is empty, I have room for dessert)

So, did B get his computer time back?

Well done! I`ve found it's almost like learning a new language. Now that I am better at speaking 'Asperger's' there is much less frustration for everyone.

Regards
Helen

I can see you have obviously had little knowledge of AS and autism. Keep learning and you'll be able to help B even more!

smelena's right~it is like learning a new language.......glad you were able to rethink the situation.

Wonderful, keeping his literalness in mind will be very important for the rest of his life. With z it's Are you finished? Yes. Let's see, check his plate and help him balance out what he hasn't eaten. Good job!

It is a different language and once you learn it life is so much less stressful. My son's bedroom is upstairs and we finally figured out that just calling his name does not get him downstairs. He is the one who told us "I'll come downstairs if you just say what you want me to come down for" (those Aspies always need a reason!) DUH! Now instead of just yelling "Noah!" We say "Noah come down for dinner or whatever." It's so simple but something you have to learn how to do.

I don't understand why it was such a big deal that he finish every bite. Once a child is two years old you're supposed to let them eat only as much as they want to, as they are able to determine when they are full. Requiring them to eat every bite after that is one of the most often cited reasons for causing obesity

I see that kind of thing once in a while with my granddaughters. But what I think really helped the therapist make the diagnosis between Bipolar and Autism is that the youngest tends to put two or more thoughts together in a sentence, and it seems to make perfect sense to her, but we don't understand what connection she is seeing between these things. Wish I could remember one of them to share here, but since they don't make any sense to me, it's hard to remember them.

Mmm, you've got a good point there triangular trees*! Unless of course it is something healthy/you haven't got anything else to give them.

*Are they right angled, isoceles, scalene or equalateral?

Equilateral.

Though for the health food angle, the official talk is to balance it out through the day. So if they don't eat any fruits at breakfast/lunch/dinner than the only thing they should be offered for a snack when they're hungry is fruit. And if you have nothing else to give them, then you can always offer the exact same thing again later when they say they're hungry. Thats a much better approach than making them eat every single bite at a meal even though they are already full. Children don't willingly starve themselves

My problem comes not from being required to eat every bite, but from often having nothing at all to eat, but the thing I have the hardest time with is not forcing myself to clean my plate. I have to stop and think "I'm full. I don't need to keep eating." then i have to move the plate. Otherwise as long as its front of me i'll keep eating at it, even if I eaten so much my stomach hurts. This is especially a problem in restaurants as they serve huge portion sizes. Not surprisingly I'm at least 50 lbs overweight right now. I don't think its a stretch for a child who was forced to eat past his stomach telling him he was full to end up the same way as an adult.

I don't understand--of course he wasn't lying. Why would you believe he was lying because he didn't finish his dinner? My kids eat what they want--according to them finished is I'm full and don't want anymore. NT or AS--this seems a bit obvious.

What am I missing?

Also, our kids are not dogs. When you call, you expect them to come running? Why would they? I can't imagine my son running down the stairs after calling his name. It just doesn't work.

Maybe in the brady bunch or leave it to beaver world.

I think I'm from another planet.

I don't mean any offense, but I just don't understand the problem.

I'll admit, I NEVER accuse my son of lying--hate this word--most times they DO NOT lie and if it is a fib, it is innocent with no malicious intent. White lies are forgivable.

Treat your kids as you expect they are and they will become it--AS or not.

If you accuse them oflying, they will be liars, eventually.

I despise public school fo rthis reason. This is where they learn the language of MYOB (mind your own busniess) and telling a lie or liar--awful.

I do when my mum calls me.

The rest of your post pretty much makes sense though.

Going to have to disagree with you here; allowing blatant lying to continue is really asking for it. In this case, it was just a misinterpretation. Big difference. Big difference between "accusing" them of lying and of simply pointing it out.

I think it was terrible to say this boy was "lying". Aspies rarely lie - we can seem to because of misunderstandings such as this one. It's necessary to be very specific with Aspies.

Wow! That's great...Amazing how so many issues can be avoided when you try to understand...

Just a little of how "different" we think...I'll ask my husband to get me a "little bit of coke" sometimes...he always comes back with a FULL glass of coke for me...I tell him, "is this a little bit?" He answers..."well, to me a little bit is just means get me some, it's not really meant to be taken literally"...hmmm...So, last night he asked me, "can you get me a little bit of water?" Without any thought I gave him "a little bit of water, ie. about a 1/3 of a glass"...to which he just started laughing and said "are we running out of water or something?" Of course, then it hit me...and I replied with, "no, that's a little bit to me..."

Anyway, we've been together 9 years already and just NOW, after me being on this site and talking to him about the differences, are we "getting it" ...so, there's hope...Keep up the great work! I can assure you that your son will appreciate it more than you could ever imagine.