Potty Issues - Are We Alone?

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Hello, new here. I'm the grandmother of a 6-year old girl with a diagnosis of Autism. My daughter and I are both divorced and bought a house together, so I'm helping to raise both my granddaughters. PLEASE tell me we're not the only ones who have a kindergarten kid with Autism who isn't consistent in going to the bathroom yet.

My 6-year old granddaughter started the school year back in August so excited about going to school. She has an IEP in place, and goes to the Resource Room with the special teacher and all the aides in the morning, and then joins her regular class after lunch. She has learned so much, but in the last month or two she hasn't wanted to get up and go to school in the morning.

We began the year by sending her to school in panties, with a couple of changes of clothing in her book bag, and they send her to the "potty" every 45 minutes. Therea re good days, but there have also been several days when we've gotten a call to come and get her, bring her home and clean her up, put clean clothes on her and take her back. Clearly, nothing they are doing and nothing we are doing is helping her to be aware of when she needs to go to the bathroom.

We wonder if they are putting too much pressure on her to comply with potty training, making her uncomfortable with going to school at all. We'd be okay with leaving her in pullups for now and putting more attention on the things she seems to be doing well (reading, counting, that kind of thing). Has anyone else dealt with this?

I'll probably embarrass him to death if he ever joins the board, but my son did not even start to use the bathroom until age 5 and wasn't consistent until age 6. The 30-45 minute attempts are a good idea. With our son, we would tell him he couldn't use the computer unless he "tried" every 30 min. It was the only thing that registered with him.

She does try. She was also about 5 before she was really willing to try.

She was resistant at first, but I think she usually tries at school. We may not be that consistent at home but we do have her try at home. And she is usually willing to try, but sometimes nothing happens and then 10 or 20 minutes later she will go in her pants. This is one area where she isn't any better at her dad's house on the weekend.

At this point if we tried to strike a deal like that I think her reaction would be to have a meltdown, crying that she will "never get to play on the computer". Anytime she gets upset she cries that something will "never" happen, or that she will "never" be able to get it right. Seems like it's frustrating for all of us.

potty training was difficult here. we ended up telling our son that he couldn't go to school unless he was potty trained ( this worked in our case because 1. the school really wouldn't take a child who wasn't potty trained, and 2. son really wanted to go to school.)
maybe trying to be more consistent about it at home would help.

Thank you both for your responses.

We tried telling her that she wouldn't be able to go to school unless she could go potty by herself, didn't work. I have unmedicated ADD, my daughter has other health issues, their daddy has Parkinson's and tends to fall asleep in his recliner while they're at his house. *sigh* We probably should try to be more consistent, but it's difficult with three of us parenting her. We really feel like giving up on it for now and focusing on other things, which maybe we shouldn't, but it's how we're all feeling.

There might be a problem with using the public toilet at school. It may be that she doesn't like being taken by the adult, she's being treated roughly, she is asked to go alone, she is asked to go with other kids, she is taken with kids that scream, the bathroom has an echo. . . .
My son started potty training at his first preschool. All the boys lined up at the urinal and went at the same time. We were overjoyed.
Then we moved and Pop was placed in the wrong class in California-with "low functioning" kids that screamed, hit and had to be changed at school. He mimicked the the sounds at home and I swear to god, we thought he was being abused. But he was mimicking and getting traumatized by the sounds and the scene. Once he was with kids more like him and had more individualized help, he was fine.

But I will be honest, potty training took a full 3 years. From wearing pull ups and going during the day to having mostly dry nights. At 8, we still use a waterproof mattress cover.

Watch their bathroom procedures at the school, hear what it sounds like, find out if it is sensory overload or inappropriate techniques. She may need a different bathroom routine.

To be honest (and it's a little embarrassing), I had problems in this area for a long time. For me, I think it was more a matter of anxiety and not always feeling comfortable to interrupt my current situation outside of these scheduled attempts. I don't think the attempts really help in the long run unless you also address this issue. But I know this probably effects each person differently.

Kim, thanks for those ideas to ask when we have our next meeting with the teachers. I know at home she prefers to go by herself, so she may be uncomfortable if someone is taking her to the bathroom. I guess we need to visit her classroom (the Resource Room) and watch how things work there, see what kind of issues the other kids have and how she copes with them.

We had tried potty training before she just didn't seem to be ready for it. So the real potty training started last year in pre-Kindergarten, guess we need to be patient for another year or two, eh?

WurdBender, thank you for you viewpoint. It's true she doesn't do well with transitions, so having to stop what she's doing and go to the bathroom may be hard for her. And the whole time she's in there she may be anxious to get back to what she was doing before. Some good ideas to talk to the teachers and aides about.

my son and my hubby both avoid going to bathroom in public at all costs.........something about privacy, & cleanliness.

My son "reverted" to having accidents when he was really stressed - I can imagine starting school is quite stressfull for your daughter, and in my experience, it can take my son a whole year to get used to a new enviroment.
If you think she needs more time to aclimatize to school, then don't make an issue of the potty training just now. You could let her wear pull-ups, and still let her go to the potty every 45 minutes. (As long as she doesn't have a problem with the pull ups.)
As for transitions: does she have a schedule, so she knows in advance when she has to go to the loo? My son does well with a timer: he knows that when it beeps, an activity is over, and is more prepared for the next one.

We had to toilet train J (who is now 9) with head phones. He was so scared ? of the toilet he would scream blue murder, we tried everything until one day my brother had some music going on his cd player and he put the head phones on my screaming kid and wow it worked. We have before and after photos all taken within 10 minutes J screaming on the toilet ( no head phones) J smiling on the toilet at peace (head phones) he used the head phones for a while to help get over his fear then gradually he didnt need them, mind you he was much younger then.
He has only had a couple of accidents at school, but he has had accidents at home. He tends to hyper focus on what he is doing and he forgets to go pee and he forgets to eat.
If I were you I would probably use pull ups at school, only because she is most likely going to have enough teasing from NT kids for her differences, I wouldn't want to give them more to tease her about.

I don't think being in the bathroom scares her - at least not that her mommy or I have seen. Don't know what the bathroom situation is like at school. I know the kindergarten has their own bathroom, not quite so busy or public. I think the Resource Room has it's own bathroom as well.

We use a timer quite a bit at home, not just for the bathroom, but for taking turns on the computer, and for staying in bed another five minutes before getting up. Anything to help with the dreaded transition.

Neither of us sees a problem with having her wear pullups and using the 45 minutes schedule. It's the teachers in the Resource Room who think she should be wearing big girl panties - even though it means changing her panties and her jeans 2 or even 3 times some mornings. Seems like that would be traumatic for her, and might make her feel bad, so she stops trying.

Some of her issues were with having soft runny stools, I thought it might be easier for her to feel when she needed to go #2 if they were firmer. We tried eliminating gluten, and were all relieved when that didn't make any difference. We do love our breads and pastas.

Next we tried eliminating fruits (her daddy has an allergy to some fruit that causes diahreah). It's not consistent yet, but she is starting to have firm stools now and then. If it were more consistent, perhaps it would help signal her that she needs to go poo.

Could be there is still another food issue that we haven't discovered yet. We don't want to give up milk and cheese either. But unless we learn about another common food allergy, I guess that's the next thing to try leaving out of the diet.

what does her doctor say about the consistency, or rather inconsistency of her feces ?

I convinced the doctor to do a test for gluten intolerance and it came back negative. We repeated it a few months later and it was still negative for Celiac's. He hasn't come up with any other suggestions, so we're doing our own research.

I'm really pleased to hear you're already using timers ect.- it is hard to now what parents are already doing, so I hope my suggestions aren't telling you what you already now
It sounds quite probable your grand daughters problems are related to her runny tummy.
We tried cutting out both milk and gluten from my son's diet because of loose stools. It didn't work for my son, but it is worth a try, as some kids seem to respond really well.

Also, as I understand it, the kind of gluten and lactose intolerance that autistic kids may have isn't celiac disease per se, and won't be detected by normal tests.

"Normal" lactose intolerance is also fairly common, cutting out diary products isn't so difficult. My son was a huge milk drinker, but we quite easily exchanged regular milk with "rice dream" milk. You could try for a month, and then "provoke" her with a little milk and see if it has any effect... and be relieved if it has no effect what so ever... I like my cheeses, breads and pastas, too:)

With regards to the teachers: I would think it was more problematic for your daughter to dirty her pants than wear pull ups. As her care-givers, you know her best, and should have a big say in decisions that effect her day so enormously... having to be picked up to change clothes 3 times a morning is pretty disruptive to routine... yours and hers! Even changing clothes at school is a "routine breaker".

And all the laundry you must be doing.... sigh.

have you had any allergy testing done ?.....I'm not certain, but I know for myself that I have bowel issues with dairy if I consume too much of it.....I assume that other food allergies can affect bowels....