son's teacher not encouraging ds, what do I say to her?

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Hi everyone,

I need some advice on how I should go about telling my son's teacher to be more positive about the work my son does in class .

I'll give you an example, and this happened in front of me . On Friday in class, (I was a classroom helper), my son's teacher set the kids a task - this is grade 1 so all the kids are 6 - of looking through books, finding words beginning with F, (I thought of a few!) and then writing them down.

My son happliy and enthusiastically did this and searched for and copied 16 words. He didn't even need too much prompting. I was SO pleased! So he went up to the teacher to show her his work and she looked at it and said to him, 'but the words are all squashed together. Can YOU read this?' Poor ds tried to read what he had written but the teacher wandered off anyway.

I went up to him and told him how proud I was and he asked if daddy would be proud too , and I said of course and I gave him lots of praise. Even this morning he said how yesterday he wrote without being tired and he added, 'I CAN write after all!'. I'm going to make him a certificate!

That's just one example.

I feel I need to tell the teacher to give him positive feedback, but how should I go about it? I don't want to alienate her (further) by being critical of her teaching but I can see how things could get worse for ds if this isn't addressed.

All advice gratefully accepted!! !

Cheers,
Temma

i would be honest with her and bring up the example you just posted here....i am not afraid to point thing out to my son's teacher. she wouldn't know what she needed to work on, if i didn't.

I think the teacher's response would have been damaging to BOTH my children, my Aspie AND my NT. My Aspie because writing is a HUGE chore for him, very strenuous, and my daughter because she is a perfectionist, and really beats up on herself for every imperfection.

The better response would have been, "wow, what a lot of words you found, and so fast! Maybe next time you can write them a little more slowly and space them better so they are easier to read."

As for how to address the teacher about, I am not sure. I have not encountered this sort of problem. Perhaps just letting her know that you were really surprised at what she said and how she said it, and opening a discussion that way. It is always possible that she was just having a bad day.

Here's what works with my son's teacher that doesn't put her on the defensive (perhaps twisting the truth a bit, but I want to get the results I want, sooo...):

With that example, if it would have been my son & teacher, I would say: My son mentioned he FELT PROUD when he was able to complete the F word search, but then FELT (bad, enter your description here) that he couldn't write the words clearly, and is sensitive about his handwriting right now. Do you think there's a way to help him feel proud about what he does do correctly? That would really help him out.

I'm no expert, but I think somehow making what you want to say about your son's feelings, instead of telling the teacher a command like -give him praise first (which implies she screwed up), she might come up with the very answer you're looking for.

that would've made me feel bad, never mind any of my kids.......i agree with innermusic, set up the conversation so that it's about your son's feelings, not about the teacher's shortcomings....from my own experience, it doesn't work too well no matter how carefully you phrase it when you try to bring such things to the teacher's attention. they always end up on the defensive.

Thank you for all your really helpful replies!

Innermusic, I've copied what you wrote and am going to quote it, thanks heaps! I think it will work really well. I'm going to talk to the teacher tomorrow and now I feel far more confident! I hate doing this sort of thing.

Temma

Hey I just had a thought, maybe you could rule a page up into evenly spaced box's perhaps twenty, then ask your very clever boy to write each of his words into the box's, that way there is a clear defintion of when each word starts and ends. Then show her. Its a simple solution. Explain that your son has fine motor issues and is lacking in confidence at the moment, and you just thought that this may help him build up his self esteem. Its not a big ask for her to do this. All the kids may benefit from clear margins. Eventually hopefully the margins can be removed.
Just a thought. Good luck, aurea

Brilliant aurea! I'm going to suggest that as well, and take in a copy to show her!! ! Thanks for that!

Temma

Temma
I just pm'd you with social club stuff.

Cheers Aurea

Good luck! I hope all goes well.

Well, I wrote everything down that I wanted to bring to the teacher's attention, and it worked brilliantly. I mentioned what innermusic and aurea suggested and the discussion I had with the teacher was really constructive. There she was, trying to think of all these ways she could be positive towards my son And aurea, she's going to rule lines on the page for him .

Thanks once again for your great ideas .

Temma

glad it seems to be working out.

fantastic glad to hear your meeting went well