First IEP (?) meeting coming up in a week....intimidated!

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Okay so this meeting is coming up quick and there is a list of like 10 people that are going t be there. I am really nervous and a little intimidated by the whole thing. Any advice? Are you supposed to bring your child? the letter doesn't say. I hate going into a situation without knowing what will happen....feels like being ambushed. yikes!

Kate

Why don't you ask the people you're meeting with?

the people running the meeting never answer there phones or I get a recorder that they are out of the office....his pre-school teacher is on the list of people who will be there....but there just never seems to be a good time to really talk with her. When i drop J off he is whisked into school, and when i pick him up she is hurrying out for her break so she can be back in time for the afternoon class to arrive. Maybe i will try leaving a message for her to call me when she has time. I just don't want to mess this up...I know it will affect the way he goes through school and affect what class he is placed in. Right now he is in a regular classroom, but I think he just does his own thing or clings to the teacher/aide...I don't think he is making friends or really participating with the other kids. I would love to be a fly on the wall while he is in school sometimes.

Well, I don't know for sure--I'm not a parent or anything--but I don't see why you should drag a preschooler to such a meeting. At regular Parent/Teacher meetings, there are no kids.

In Australia you don't take the child with you, and I doubt you do anywhere else.

You know lots of things about your child and you can put your point of view. Things to think about:
* what triggers your child's meltdowns
* is there a place to go when your child has a melt down, or becomes overwhelmed
* how can the team encourage your child to ask for help
* is 5 days a week too much for your child
* can your child retreat to the library at lunch time or to the special ed unit.

Write down tha things that you think need to be discussed. Also ask for a written report of the meeting - a copy of the IEP. I think you will be given a copy anyway.

Remember, don't assume that the group know about aspergers. Why not have a hand out ready in case you can sense their ignorance.

In Australia you are entitled to some aide support. That may be the case in other countries.

Good luck. Don't be too anxious if things don't work out smoothly. This is not your only chance to make things right. The IEp should be updated in 6 months.

BTW one person will take charge. The others are there to say how they will help. You can concentrate on the leader. You may notice one or two sympathetic people. You can also address them.

Make notes as you go and bring up any questions you have. You may have a great meeting!

I just read through your posts (not in detail -just 'all posts by P') and I see that he is only 3.5 years. I am sure that you can see that he is learning in his own way all the time. My grandsons, older that your son, have spent only four days at school for most of this year. On the other day they have cognitive therapy, and then self directed learning. The thing about them is they always want to learn. Perhaps you don't have to rely on formal education too much. Parents who understand their aspergers children can work miracles even if it takes 21 years.

I am an ex teacher so I know that many of us think we are experts which is often not the case.

I'm in the US and I've been to lots of IEP meetings. I think the #1 advice I would give is to note that you do not have to agree with the plan that is being proposed. You can look over the test results and the reports from each person (here it's the classroom teacher(s), the person who tests, the school psychologist, the special ed teacher if the kid has already been in special ed) before you agree & sign off. You can also agree to part of it and not other parts. You can bring anyone you want to but I've never had anyone to bring and it's been OK. (if you think you need to you can bring a lawyer but my understanding is you have to let the school know so they can bring their lawyer too.) We're in a very supportive school system, though. Don't bring the kid-- hopefully the kid is in school at the time. It's helpful if you have some idea of what you would like to happen before going into the meeting, but remain open to hearing the results of the testing (sometimes it's surprising).

Here you get a "parent's rights" document at each point during the process. I might be able to find a link to our school districts' handout-- not sure if the rights are federal or state but I think they're pretty standard. Let me know if you need it.

Good luck! I know it's intimidating, but you can do this.

ok, breathe.......first, i'd reccomend taking someone with you~ a good friend, your spouse, an advocate. someone who can help you remain calm and focused.
those meetings always get me a bit nuts....i've always prepared by making a "positive student profile". it's a 1 sheet resume about your child that you can hand to the others at the meeting. it has photos of your child, so that the person whose future you're discussing has a face....it has a list of your child's accomplishments, strengths, and areas needed to improve on.
my 9 year old's lists girl scout badges as accomplishments; her sense of humor and compassion for animals as strengths; and the plethera of things she needs to work on as areas to improve on.
the positive student profile has served me in that it helps me to get more focused about what i'm realy asking for, and it's also something to refer back to during the meetings.....
accomplishments for a 3.5 year old could simply be that he/she's potty-trained ( if he/ she is...)

Remember, you know your child better than anyone else. Don't let anyone intimidate you ... you are the expert about your child.

Write down what you want for your child and take that into the meeting with you.

Be assertive. I wanted my 7 year old to have a teacher aide during swimming lessons. I didn't ask, I just said, 'Daniel needs a teacher's aide for 1 to 1 help during his swimming lessons'. Immediate agreement from all parties.

Good luck!

Helen

Kate -
Everyone is giving great advice.
I just went through an IEP R&R (review & revise) and had a lot of success.
You want to be as prepared as possible.
If you want some help with creating a list for the meeting, please send me an personal message. My document will give you an idea of what you need to do as far as outlining your concerns.

Lynn

Kate.

You are the expert on your kid. No one else even comes close. You will all be in that room together to help put a plan together that will help your kid succeed. If you are nervous because you don't know what to expect, that's ok. You decide what you want done. Write down what you want done, so you don't forget. Go to the meeting and listen to what the others have to say. They see your kid in an environment that you don't. Communicate. Put together a plan to address the top three issues, and go from there.


Oh yes, and talk to your kid about the problems at school, and see what they come up with.

You don't bring a child to an IEP. That is, unless you want to make a point. We brought our child to one IEP and they certainly got the point.

Don't be afraid of the powers that be. They know policy. You know your kid. You will do fine. If things get sticky you can always hire an Advocate. Don't sign until you're 100% satisfied with the offer.

my friends exparences with IEP's as the student was they said that they would do this and that at the meeting and it sounded good but when It was time for the action to happen They never worked with her. She was left with out help. All good in paper. So what I am tring to say make sure they are following the IEP!! !! ! And not just trying to pacify you. I think her school is s**t. I went to the same school and watched her fall apart. All the teachers she had that was to help her and didn't shame on you! shame on all the teachers that just pushed her along and didn't give a care. Because she didn't have parents that were at the IEP. She is still a good friend but she is scared from it. So parents go to every IEP and make sure the paln is being put in to action.

This was in high school.

I have always gone in to IEPs with a positive attitude - They are here to HELP my kid!
They so far have always had good ideas & stuck to them.
6th - 7th Grade IEP is tomarrow - Looking forward to it!
Now If I could only get them to give him an individual aid & a laptop I'd be amazed!

up here in ME they give evry kid a personsl labtop. from the bill gates and milinda fund.

You are lucky thet are there to help your kids for real!

I did not have any perantial support at all so they ran all over me and did not give me the support they should have if some one was watching. I still feel great pain from not being help the way I know they should have.