The Little Prince Syndrome

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I have been aware of something that I have not seen articulated anywhere.

I have seen it in my Dad, Myself, and my Son.

It is something on the order of... I expect to be waited on hand and foot,
but there is more too it than that.

Aspies as a rule, need to be taught things, and parents, needing stress free times too, will often do something for a child,
that the child is perfectly able to do, but won't, or refuses to.

I am thinking that doing "too much" for your child over time, leads them into the expectation that it is something that is normal, and that they deserve it.

I think this may spill over into other areas of life.

I am calling it the Little Prince Syndrome. It's a little prince or princess that always seems to expect to have other people do stuff for them.


Do you have any little princes?

I do know what you're talking about. My son has some motor skill delays and it's sometimes easier for me to do what needs to be done than waiting for him to make his own snack, etc.. Most of the time though, I'm getting him to work on life skills. He needs to be able to do stuff for himself.

However, I think a lot of parents are doing this with perfectly typical children. They aren't saying 'no' to their kids either. I see tons of little princes and princesses when I'm out and about.

In response to EvilTeach"little prince or princess" if you are trying to imply people on the autism spectrum are the way they are because they were spoiled WRONG

I had a nightmare of a childhood and in fact use to come home from school and cook dinner for the whole family, no one has ever waited on me and would never want them too. Same for many people I know, it has know thing to do with being on the Autism Spectrum which is an neurodevelopmental disorder.

Now do we at times feel like we are living in another world, yes and not fitting in and feeling like at times our life is within a small bubble, can you blame some of us wanting or dreaming for different things!l

Are those of us who are perceived as spoiled really spoiled or it could just be the individuals way of coping in life...

Last edited by asplanet on 19 Mar 2008, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with this completely, for AS/atypical kids and NT kids as well. We don't do our kids any favors when we deprive them of the gifts of self-sufficiency and problem-solving. Of course each kid is different. Of course you don't make a child do things s/he physically or neurologically can't do. But I think it's good to push them a little bit beyond their comfort zone once in awhile, and especially to teach them to do for themselves as much as possible.

My little brother had a mild case of Tourette's, for instance. He did not have grand mal seizures or scream profanities, he just shivered or spaced out once in awhile. But he could still run and jump and play and goof around and get into trouble, just like all "normal" kids his age. Nevertheless, our mother always treated him as her "sick little boy" and fawned over him and catered to his every whim. He grew up whiny, entitled, spoiled, and six foot five - always insisting on having name-brand clothes and shoes and a big shiny truck when he was old enough to drive, even though by then my mother couldn't afford such things - she bought it all for him anyway, and paid his insurance, too.

Our mother often hollered at us to "grow up" and "act like adults." But she did all she could to undermine and keep us dependent on her, to keep us from growing up and learning how to operate in the world. When I enrolled in a high school course for "life skills" that taught how to write a resume, keep a job, balance a checkbook, and budget expenses, my mother became angry with me and insisted I drop the class - she said it was beneath us, and only for low-income kids who were too stupid for college. ?! Funny, I thought everyone needed to learn to budget, get a job, and pay their bills on time.

I'm with Tortuga, it happens across the board. I think it has more to do with the modern society and human nature that every generation of parents want their kids to have an easier time. Look at the 20th century, until education was compulsory, child labor was normal. Then kids went to school (we had some wars and better financial times) and then kids were going on car dates, watching tv, mothers were staying home. Then kids started getting their own cars, tvs. and the list goes on.

We have to fight the urge to smother our son. I argue with my husband over, "he can't help it!" I think Pop should be held accountable for stuff and my husband seems to be envisioning this crippled toddler or something. I don't know what he sees sometimes, really.

Without knowing anything about autism or Asperger's when I was young, my parents did it to an extent as well. I wasn't taught to cook or do my own laundry but then when I grew up unwilling to do it, my mother didn't understand why. Duh! You teach kids that this is what we do, you can't expect them to just start working around the house if it has never been explained to them. But it's a cycle, my mom's step-mom didn't teach her how to cook either. Mom had to learn after she was already married.

At age 8, my son is getting "chores" and when he shows that he can do those, he'll get more. He wants to help, he just needs it spelled out for him what he needs to do and why.

asplanet~ i don't think it was intended to imply that only aspies are "little princes"....or that all aspies are "little princes"......i think this syndrome can happen to just about anyone, frankly. it's easy to over-depend on someone else. i think everyone's been culpable of this at one time or another....whether it's intentional or not, well that's another story. i know plenty of folks i work with take advantage of someone else's overzealousness so they can sit back and not have to concern themselves with doing anything............i also know plenty of people who take over because " it won't get done unless i do it"

omg, sinagua, we grew up in the same house, in different states! I'm sure my brother saw me as the whiny, spoiled brat for a while too. Unfortunately for our parents, we figured it out and got our acts together. They aren't very happy about it either.
My mom actually complained to my brother, "What happened? You were such a sweet, little boy?! "
Brother; "I grew up into a man".

nope asplanet

I don't claim it's an aspy only thing.

I do observe that it manifested in my father, me, and my aspy boy.

I do not see it in my nt daughter.

A sample size of 4 is not sufficient to make a statistical statement.

The observation is sufficient justification, to bring it up as a topic for discussion.

I probably come across as a princess to casual observers and I do admit I have it pretty easy. However, I do things for others as much as I can.

I am the mom of a Prince. He's Siamese.

Many a marriage has been based on two such people finding each other.

My mother is one of those "it won't get done if I don't..." types. Her husband is the type who is more than happy to let her wait on him hand and foot, even if he's ungrateful and unkind to her. They enable each other, bringing out the worst in each other.

Apology if I misunderstood, if just a general discussion then you could say there are quite a few, but as I said before I feel this is just the individuals way of coping in life...

When parents spoil there children it could be because they missed out on things when growing up, not ever sure if should use the word spoil as we all do what we can as parents and what suits our situations best..

I remember doing dishes/vacuuming in my mom's house when i was 8.

I also remember not doing any chores at my dad's until i was like 15 or 16 and started doing them on my own.

But mom would do full meals breakfast, and dinner, and dad would have food in the house and expect kids to be able to cook for themselves after age 13.

So I would say the little prince syndrome is just an imbalance of parental expectations. For a variety of reasons, whether they want the child dependant on them, so they never leave, or they beleive the child is incapable of doing for themselves, or i heard a story recently about a military family where both parents are gone for six months and the little girl gets completely spoiled rotten out of guilt.

Good on him.

I had to move a thousand miles away and start my own family to escape. Unfortunately, my brother stayed. He's a bit better now, done some growing up and so forth, but the way he raises his kids...

I haven't been back in three or four years. Have no plans to, either. My son is frightened of his little cousin.

When my son was born, we knew he was the last child we would have so we, unfortunately, treated him differently than his older sister. It took a little bit of discipline to change that but now he does chores the same as her. He was SOOO unhappy about it when it changed but I didn't want to raise a little monster.

My (NT) younger brother is like that. Mommy did everything for him for so long that he turned out spoiled and, honestly, comes across kind of stupid. He'll take out a microwave dinner and ask me how long he should put it in for... how about read the box?? Or he'll ask me to bake brownies or make mac 'n cheese because "He doesn't know how!" It's like spoiling him has made him afraid to try anything on his own, which is really a disservice to him.

I think that he'd be happy being called a "prince". Have you actually called him a prince?