Hi, I am new here! I would love any help.

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Hello, I just joined and I'm looking for info and support! My son is 8yrs and has ADD. The drs brought up Asperger's in the last few months. The more I read and research about it, I know he has it. I have always felt there was something beyond the ADD. This year at school has been hard because he is at an age that he knows that he's different from the others and doesn't have friends. The other kids are starting to pick on him and call him names. We have a 504 plan at his school but he doesn't want it because it makes him feel even more different. He does very well academically and excels in most subjects with the exception of handwriting and putting his thoughts on paper. He is such a bright and sweet child and it breaks my heart that others just see him as weird.

I guess my questions are....

What are some great books to read on the subject and also books to tell friends/family about to understand him better?

What is the best school setting for the kids? Public or private?

Right now I have been checking into special needs private schools in our area. I have found one that sounds like a great fit for next year. It is a small school for kids with ADHD/Asperger's/ and other learning disabilities. They have about 15 kids (5 with Asperger's) in a homeschool setting. They offer therapy, social skills training and other helpful training along with the reg. school work. Most aspies go there for about 3 years before the more on to a larger private or public school. I feel like he just needs to be with others like him so he doesn't feel so different.

I would love any input from experienced aspie moms.

Thanks,
Jenny

Hi!

Welcome. You've come to the right place. Lots of help and support here. What is the 504 plan? What makes it different than a regular IEP? My son is 6, in first grade, and has an aide with him in the regular classroom setting. So far, so good. He does go down to the SpEd lab for sensory therapy throughout the day, and gets social skills group with other children as well. If you can afford the private school that specializes in Aspies and ADD...WOW! Good for you (and your child) for finding such a place!

We feel lucky enough that we found a public school with experience. We also have him in a martial arts program. That seems to help huge.

My favorite book is Asperger's Syndrome A guide for Parents and Professionals by Tony Attwood. OASIS has a good book too, I have heard, though I have not read it. I have found the book to be the most helpful...although, if I can't find something in the book, I can always get help here!

I'm not sure what the different is between the 504 and IEP. He doesn't go to Sp.ed or have an aide but does meet with the OT once a week and has a friendship group that also meets once a week. He is also in the gifted/talent pool or Quest program at his school. They are suppose to give him more time or shorter assignments and a scribe as needed for writing assignments. The school has been good but in our experience the problem has been with the teachers (they don't have the understanding of his condition) and it takes them half the school year to figure him out. Also the classes to large for him to get the attention he needs. Private school will be a strain on our finances but I feel like it's what we need to do for him.

Thanks for the book suggestions. I am going to reserve the at my library.

Making Autism a Gift by Robert E Cimera was a wonderful book.

it is not geared toward aspies but it had good information, it was well laid out and didn't treat it like a disease.

I am going to say, "go with your instinct" on the school placement question. While your current public school sounds like it has the appropriate services in place, you have also described a social environment / school culture that is negative. While bullying and teasing can happen anywhere, in the best of places, you want to feel that all the teachers and parents are behind your child in discouraging it. If you do not feel the culture there provides that, it is possible that it never will. It's a very instinctive call, unfortunately. Is your child in a community that you feel is capable of nuturing him and helping him thrive? If he isn't, and you believe you have found a different school with a community that would provide that, then move him.

It's funny, because my son has had several first year teachers who, of course, knew nothing about Aspergers. But I found them very willing to learn, and very adaptive. One of them was also incredibly good with him; he had a fantastic year with her. I saw so much improvement. I think it all comes down to culture: the environment created by the school community as a whole.

Just for reference, I don't think this is a public v. private school question at all. You will find good schools and bad schools in both, and a school that works well for one Aspie child may not work well for another. Many Aspie parents also find homeschooling to be the best choice. It is very, very personal, in my opinion.

Best of luck to you. You will know when your child is in the right place for him.

And welcome to the forum!

Hi and welcome!
My son is 9, HFA and ADHD. He goes to a public school for kids on the spectrum (AS and HFA). This is fine where I live, but is probably very different from country to country, state to state.

Jenny, it sounds like your son might benefit from this smaller environment with other like-minded kids. I would definitely check it out and make sure the kids are not behavioral problems.

It sounds like he just wants to fit in and isn't appreciated for whatever reason. Smart should be in--surprised it's not. My son had a similar case of the what's wrong with me and why can't I fit in with everyone. He's in a better place now--thank goodness.

Because your son is getting bullied, I would research this Aspie school. Spend some time there without your son. And then when you feel it's the right fit, I would talk to your son about it. He's smart and should be allowed to give some feedback on what he needs. Unfortunately, he will want to fit in, but he might continue to fall short and become depressed! Here, you will have to make the decision for him.

I was interested myself in this type of environment but my son is doing well right now. We have something similar in the next town over and it's been in the news--it's very much an alternative learning environment for Aspies who are "creatively wired" and I might try a week or so for the summer--see how he likes it to mix with other kids that think the way he does.

My son appears so fine, but then there are the issues (you know) and he knows he needs support, loves the adult attention and rides on a short bus with a variety of disabled kids (physcial and other) and he never seems to mind this. You would think he'd say he wants to ride on a regular bus. He accepts himself in amazing ways! This is so important. That's why I think your son needs to be in a place where he is supported for his way of thinking, his talents, and appreciated! If he doesn't get this, no matter how smart he is, he will feel ashamed of himself and "different" and this is not good.

I llike your idea about the school--what's it called?

Welcome to a friendly place filled with tolerance and interesting viewpoints!

equinn

I'm not a parent, but I do have AS and have gone through all sorts of schooling situations with it. A good book for people to read is Hitch-Hiking Through Asperger's because it's an easy read.

Probably it is a good idea to seperate your child for school if he's being picked on, but only if you sign him up for some sort of activity or group-thing where he can be with "normal" people his age (for me it was tae-kwon-do. ) I think that seperating him completely from NTs his age will do more harm than good in the long run, but and hour or so a few nights a week with people helps out a lot. I don't know if it answers your question, but maybe there's something useful in there.

Good luck.

He is in boy scouts and loves it but I don't think he interacts much with the other kids. He did get a b-day party invite from one of the boys there!

The school is called The Sharon School. We also have another in our town called The Kore Academy. It is a little larger 8 kids per teacher 3-12 grades for kids with ADHD/learning disabilities. It is more expensive. My thoughts are The Sharon School for 3 years and the send him to the other for the rest of his school years. Both seem like really get options.

Another mom like yourself wrote This Is Asperger's Syndrome to help teach kids in grade school

the difference between a 504 plan and an IEP is that an IEP is more individualized, more intense intervention........some kids only need a 504 plan~they can be formed as a temporary solution to a problem ( ie; needing accomodations because you broke your leg & need extra time to get to classes), or more permanent ( this is my daughter's case. she doesn't have any cognitive problems. gets great grades. has some social problems though.)

I stronly recommend an IEP--it is taken more seriously and provides for more particular attention to particular needs. You, as a parent, can recommend more attention, less, whatever you feel would work best. It doesn't necessarily equate to more needy, I don't think.

My son functions fine and is in reg classroom, but he does have that IEP (contract) and his own para to help him out if he needs it that is his to keep and isn't shared with anyone else. I thiink my son likes this arrangement. He feels so much a part of the regular classroom and has bonded with reg. teacher, but also gets indiivdual attention as he loves working with adults and conversing with them. He gets to have his cake and eat it too.

I truly think for kids with hypersensitivies and AS, school is a scary place. Having extra adult attention, a place to retreat if they need it, more allowance for question asking etc., makes them feel safe and then they can perform much better.

equinn

although you, as a parent can reccommend getting an IEP, there's no guarantee that you'll get one............we tried to get one for our daughter, but were told a 504 plan was sufficient...and for the most part it is, in our case...................IEP's are for those individuals who require more intense intervention. this does not mean that in all cases they are truly needy~just that they need more help and intervention than a 504 plan can give you. in some cases, students have been weaned off their IEP once it has been decided that the student is doing fine with less intervention..a 504 is supposed to be a temporary fix for a temporary situation. it seems to be getting away from that in lots of school districts, though. lots of districts attempt to have your child on a 504 instead of an IEP. more time & $ are spent on an IEP vs. a 504~`this is the only reason i can come up with for districts wanting 504's...........( when i say more time & $, I'm alluding to the fact that many students who have an IEP also receive speech and language therapy, occupational therapy and/or physical therapy~all these therapies cost $$$ for the district. any therapist that see's your child is supposed to update their IEP regularly ~ thus the extra time.)

we found the following books useful:

asperger's syndromw a guide for parents and professionals, by tony attwood
all cats have asperger syndrome, by Kathy Hoopmann
this is asperger syndrome, by elisa gognon & brenda smith myles

the last two are actually meant to be for children, so that you can read the story to them to help them understand. however, i actually found that the kids books were better for family to read. they are simple, short and to the point, and fun too!

as for schools, it's tricky. the private one sounds great as it seems to offer many things that a mainstream school doesn't. can the teachers help with the bullying at his current school? if your son is doing well academically then it seems a shame to pull him out. surely the bullying issues can be resolved in some way?

I have really benefited from the book Asperger's Syndrome and Difficult Moments by Brenda Smith Myles. It has excellent strategies that we use at home and at school. I also read a lot of Tony Attwood and LOVE LOVE LOVE All Cats Have Asperger's Sydrome. I keep a copy at home on the coffee table and give it away to people to explain my son to them. Best of luck.

hi. my son was diagnosed with AS when he was 11. he is now 13 and has had a hard time with bullies since the day he started school. home schooling isn't an option here in dublin. i looked at special schools, but there was a mixture of the different levels of AS and autism in the one classroom, and it scared him. it wouldn't have brought him on, it would have done the opposite, so it was best to keep him in mainstream school. now his teachers are more aware-only because i had to do up an IEP myself- things are a bit better for him. the school is on top of the bullying and there is a lot more patience and understanding. bullying is everywhere, even in private schools! it's the understanding and willingness to learn by the teachers that makes the difference.

my son read a book by a boy called kenneth hall. this boy was diagnosed with AS when he was 8 and wrote the book when he was 10. it's called "Aspergers syndrome, the universe and everything". it really helped him when he was first diagnosed.

he has just finished another book by a teenager with AS, Luke Jackson, called "freaks, geeks and aspergers". this is for teenagers with AS and gives advice on everything relevant to teens, from bullying, puberty and depression, to obsessions, frustrations, self-defence and dating! it also helped me to understand what he was going through a bit more.

i read anything by tony attwood and temple grandin.

hope i helped. i joined this site recently and am constantly overwhelmed by the never-ending support and understanding. it's like a life-line. i hope i can give some of it back. your gut instinct will always see you right. but it always helps for another point of view. best of luck!