headbutting, son pushing his head against me and squeezing

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our son sometimes pushes his head against me really hard. he'll push his head against my legs, arms or wherever he can. sometimes he does this when there is sensory overload. sometimes he just wakes up a bit headbutty! he tends to squeeze me really hard as well when he does this. he doesn't seem to be aware that he might hurt me, and when i tell him that he has hurt me he doesn't seem to care. he will keep on doing it.

i wonder if anyone elses kid(s) do this? is this usual aspergers behaviour?

son does this....sign of anxiety....doesn't realize he's even done it until i point it out

I think any head butting/banging behavior is somewhat common in kids on the spectrum.

Last edited by Mikomi on 30 Mar 2008, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is something my AS son does, less so now than when he was younger, he's 71/2 now , but still does this when stressed or excited.

When my son was an infant (several years before "autism" was ever mentioned) he did this against the wall. All the information I read said that head-butting was a normal, safe thing to do for babies. The reason was that it was exploratory (babies do new things) and that a baby couldn't use enough force against himself to seriously hurt himself.

Okay, so Pop stopped it during the normal window of time on his own. He hasn't done it since. He was always happy when he did it and maybe a little bored (he did it in his crib). But since then I've read about in regards to autism is that it's very dangerous and it's usually a sign of distress or overstimulation (even the good kind).

But back when, it was mentioned that head butting is very common in all babies.

Sometimes I just let him do it. I think i will try to point it out to him more. I'm realising that there are lots of his behaviours that I think he surely must realise he is doing it, and when I have pointed it out he clearly doesn't. e.g. making silly noises. He used to make noises - humming, muttering nonsense words, and screeching, etc. It had been driving me nuts one day, and I decided to copy him every time he did it. He got really annoyed with me and asked me why i was making noises. i told him i was just copying him. he realised he was in fact making noises, and he has not done it ever since.

maybe he doesn't realise he is doing it. because it is a physical thing i have always thought he must know. maybe not?

My 8 yr old was doing it the other day on a peice of glass. I said pls, can you hit your head on the couch or pillow????

I caught him in a lucky moment and he transfered it to the softer stuff. Otherwise, I have to drag/carry him away and try to distract him. Hitting your head on a piece of glass or other hard surface is dangerous. Otherwise I never distract safe stims.

Lainie

5 y/o will repeatedly head butt one end of the sofa, then turn around, crawl fast and head butt the other. It's a stimulatory behavior and he does it when frustrated.

My Aspie sons need heaps of physical outlet for their energy.

We have heaps of pillow-fights and wrestle fights.

We have a punch-bag that they attack regularly.

We go to Taekwondo.

If we don't give them an outlet I get headbutted, kicked, punched etc

Helen

This is great advice.

Collywobble, the headbutting is sensorial and anxiety driven. You might want to contact an Occupational Therapist who can help you with this. My kid used to do this all the time, but he doesn't anymore. By the way, I've seen tons of other spectrum kids do it. You're not alone.

I used to bang my head against a door or wall, pull my hair out, and bite my arms. It was a reaction to stress. I still feel compelled to do some of those things when my stress mounts up.

Basically what happens, my anxiety goes beyond my threshold and I cannot cope with it... The feeling I can describe is like being a wild animal and suddenly cornered, trapped and put in a cage.

When I feel like a trapped wild animal, my ability to think goes and I react on a more instinctive way. It the fight or flee reaction... When I get that sensation, I can do one of two things, lash out in aggression or bolt like a wild animal suddenly released from captivity.
Since it is not socially acceptable to attack people, I turn my anger against myself...

If the stress is being caused by an argument with someone, usually this shuts up the argument and the person will stop yelling at me. That way we can both calm down.

If it is an issue going on between you and him, such as an argument, and you are getting stressed, both of you need to calm down before it gets that way.
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I honestly wish there was a "STOP SHUT UP and let me calm down!" signal I can give universally to anyone who is stressing me out. That would save me a LOT of headache (Literally!! !)

My son headbutts sometimes when upset but mostly when he gets over excited? he will crawl round the floor and headbutt it or he will headbutt his baby sister

My son has been known to head-butt, but I've found that this and all other stims go down dramatically now that I give him free reign with the one "stim" he wants most: pacing. Wall to wall, crashing into the furniture and turning around. Yep, we're giving up on ever having decent furniture, and letting him totally destroy what we have, because doing so alleviates most of the more harmful things he does, and has proved to be an effective way for him to deal with stress. Go figure.

I have told him that he is not allowed to head-butt people. While I realize that he is not always aware of his own actions, at age 10 he is old enough and self-aware enough to learn some self-control; to find the cues for actions that MIGHT happen, and rework things so that they do NOT happen. Given that there is real risk of physcial injury to ME from head-butting or jumping on me, he needs to control this, end of story, and that is the message we keep repeating to him.

I couldn't believe my eyes when my son came home from school today. inside his school bag was an envelope with picture cards in it. there was one for your turn, my turn, yes, no, hello, do not, and i don't know. these are obviously either for our son's 1:1 to give to him when there is a problem behaviour, or our son to give to his 1:1. the ones that are troubling me are - cry, no crying, no hitting self.

bearing in mind what you say about turning anger against yourself instead of others, should the school really be using these cards? i would imagine they would have been advised to do this by a special ed advisor.

maybe i should tell the school that our son needs a"STOP SHUT UP and let me calm down!" signal card instead as you say!

Going back to the headbutting. When he does it to me it's not usually when we've had an arguement or anything like that. It's usually when he is overstimulated, after play, that sort of thing. He also sometimes just wakes up in the morning and seems to bounce around all day.

Last edited by collywobble on 31 Mar 2008, 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Now you mention pacing, I have noticed that our son has started walking round in circles around a person when anxious. He just goes round and round for ages until told to stop. he's only been doing it the last week or so.

I think our kids go through a lot of exploring when it comes to self-calming behaviors. When they find one they like, and that you seem to allow, they will stick to it. That is my impression, anyway. There seems to be a NEED for some very physical and repetitive outlet. Don't try to squash it all: look at each one he tries and decide: we can live with this one, or we can't live with this one. It is a VERY pick your battles situation. I can't begin to tell you how much my son's behavior improved once we stopped trying to make him act how we thought he was supposed to. We let him sit funny, all sorts of things. It really helps him be happy. Go figure.