Parents who feel as if their devotion to AS is questioned

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This is more a curiosity post than anything else, so for all those out there who think (?) that I feel as if I'm being persecuted, I don't.

Every once in a while, I put a post out there about the difficulties of raising a child on the spectrum. So do a lot of parents.

Invariably, someone on the spectrum will remark that as parents, we want to alleviate the world of Asperger's/autism. That we as parents wish our children were NT. That we want to raise perfect children. That we wish our children never were on the spectrum.

To pull kind of an Andy Rooney comment, does this ever rub you the wrong way?

Kris

Thing is that maybe you don't notice but you did just express that inadvertently on the other thread on General Discussion, as anbuend pointed out .

As an AS parent I think I would react differently to the imminence of my AS son having children. It would not occur to me to think that I should "warn" him that he might have a "me", or a "him". Imagine if i really thought someone had to be warned about that!

What I might as an AS parent warn him of, except that he would already know about it, having seen me every day in the situation, is that being a parent with AS is maybe not an easy combination.

ouinon, you're absolutely right.

Kris

i think in this world where texting and emailing are so common, there must be an increase of misunderstandings......either i've typed something in a way that leads someone else to misunderstand me, or i've read something incorrectly & totally missed the other person's intent.

Frankly, the Real World is the opposite extreme where neurodiversity is seen as hostile, threatening and weird. I don't mind being challenged here, even if I get my feathers ruffled once in a while.
I mean, you meet other autism parents that believe if you don't want to CURE autism RIGHT NOW you must not love your kids and want the "BEST" for them.
And not coincidently, it is Amanda Baggs (anbuend) who initially challenged my own beliefs about autism and introduced the world of neurodiversity to me.

I had a hard time the first time I posted at an Aspie forum. It took some getting used to. Overall, the forums seem to attract a lot of people who are defensive and angry. But, that by itself is educational: why are they? Can we prevent that in our children? What makes the difference?

I've noticed a lot of parents run away because they can't deal with the obvious hostility. But, as a parent, I think we NEED to deal with it. If we can succeed with the posters in a place like this, I figure, we have a better chance of succeeding with our children.

Sometimes it means telling someone that it is not what you said at all; that you understand their anger, but what you said is not the problem. And sometimes it means re-thinking your own assumptions. Challenging yourself.

I have found the adults on the spectrum to mostly be very supportive.

I think some are super-sensitive to anything that may be perceived as negativity towards individuals with Autism / Asperger's. If you look further, there are many who were bullied by their parents, bullied at school and had a really tough childhood. I can therefore understand why they are very sensitive.

My parenting has certainly evolved in the last year. My approach has changed heaps.

However, every family is different and different things work for different families. There will never be a single way to parent children with Autism / Asperger's.

When I was in London I met with 7 other WP adults. I sought advice and was given heaps. I found it incredibly helpful .... lots of ideas that I never would have thought of.

Helen

I find very few responders are actually hostile. But sometimes bluntness is confused for rudeness and/or anger. To me, the parents that are scared off (and don't come back) are the hostile ones. They are intolerant to the blunt talk and need to be comforted and addressed the way they are used to. It's been a while since there have been any around. I find it really frustrating to offer advice (sans platitudes) and then someone else comes and says the same exact thing (or less) but adds the platitudes and they "get credit" for the "great advice".
Perhaps that's just an ego problem but it burns me anyways. Someone comes and wants to "help their child" but they get mad and the no-nonsense talk is rebuffed.
In General Discussion we may get siblings or spouses of autistic people and they turn out to almost trollish, "don't you want to have a better life?" "Why are you all so ungrateful?" Very assuming and evangelizing.

The irony is that probably 60% of our friends and social circle are parents of Autistics or Autistics themselves and I have never heard anyone say these things. The only time I've ever heard them in the years of dealing with our diagnosis is by online, adult Autistics or Aspies denegrating parents on message boards. That's the only time I've heard it, so help me if I'm not telling the truth. Come to think of it, if I included all of our friends, family and associates, I've never heard anyone say they wanted perfect or "NT" kids.

I think there's too much picking on parents and getting into other people's business by online folks, many of whom seem to have an axe to grind. It's none of my business how someone sees their kids. If they love them, take care of them, provide for them and are good parents, it's not my job to judge someone else's expectations. And, it certainly isn't the job of those who don't have the obligation of caring for that kid's life.

So, to answer your question - no. It doesn't bother me.

i guess the way i look at it is that i have the option to take it or leave it, people could be rude or could just be more blunt than i am used to, which maybe many NT's are not used to, like KimJ said.

for me the good advice i have recieved has been very beneficial.

i hope people can see that by my being here and asking the questions i really do want to know how to figure this out.
and i am relatively new to this whole AS thing and i just will not get some things but at least i can try or at least i can guess the motivation behind some things.

No one is a perfect parent and some posts stem from our less than stellar moments because we lost it and the kid lost it and we don't want it to happen again like that.

and as ster said it can be a matter of miswording or misinterpretation and all it takes is a clarification or perhaps sometimes i need a paradigm shift becasuse i never though of looking at it another way.

You have to consider the source. People who don't have children tend to make negative comments to parents about their parenting style. I don't pay too much attention to negative comments on message boards. They don't know me and I don't know them.