Self injurious behavior

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I see a number of "Why is my child doing x to hurt him/herself"

I hope that this may shed a little bit of light. When I do such behaviors it is because I feel stressed way beyond my threshold. Every human being has a melting point when they just throw up their arms and "Can't take it anymore!" I've seen it portrayed in NT culture as slapping one's head, etc.

Anyways what I am feeling right before and in the midst: Extreme anxiety I can't describe or put into words. I lose all logical thought and react on an instinctive level. It is the fight or flee reaction. I can do one of two things. Either I lash out in aggression or I flee like a wild animal set free from a cage.

Since it is not socially acceptable to attack people, I turn that anger against myself.

If it is an argument that set it up or a reaction to mounting anxiety between my parent and me, usually such a dramatic reaction will get them to stop yelling at me and work on a way to calm down. If you notice you're getting stressed out and starting to raise your voice, maybe that is a clue that both of you need to find a way to calm down.

I find when I am upset, having alone time to just back off and get distracted by some other activity helps a LOT. If I have to, I like to talk it out with someone who does not get emotional.

I wrote an essay about a specific example of one that happened to me as a 24 year old:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/2597
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I honestly wish there was a "STOP SHUT UP and let me calm down!" signal I can give universally to anyone who is stressing me out. That would save me a LOT of headache (Literally!! !)

Thanks for sharing that.

I've noticed that my son does best when his dad and I can stay calm. The problem is ... heck, we're human, lol. We get angry and frustrated, too.

HOWEVER, I try to get ahold of myself as quickly as possible and say verbally that this is ME, my needs, and NOT him. That level of acknowledgment seems to help him.

Thanks!
We have gone from my son hurting others, to hurting himself, when he melts down. This made me understand it better.

Good article.

You're welcome. Anything I can do to help promote understanding from both sides.

After lashing out against my mom as an adult once, she allowed me to beat up a bag full of divorced, unpaired socks whenever I got that stressed out. Sometimes I went down there just to beat it up for the heck of it. The poor bag eventually wore out and the socks spilled, but I think that stopped me from hurting myself or anyone else in the house at the time.

I wish we had something like that here, but I guess I've found writing and drawing to be a fairly good outlet as well. Still I crave a good punching bag...

Self-injuring behavior throws up some major red flags, and as a parent it is important not to discount this as an "overwhelmed autistic" thing. While some people with autism (or on the spectrum) engage in this type of behavior without obvious cause, it is absolutely vital to make the distinction. Just because YOU are not causing your child to feel this way does not mean someone else isn't. Check in with your child and be sure, keeping in mind that children on the spectrum often have great difficulty expressing their feelings.

Thanks for that MJI.
I'd like to know at what age/stage a person is likely to have any understanding of why they act that way or have the capacity to stop and redirect the anger/overwhelm/whatever? My son (almost 5yo) bites himself when he gets really frustrated, usually when his sister is winding him up. He won't/can't give any explanation of why he does this or what would help him. Most of the time he just lies and says his sister bit him. Do you think I'm being unreasonable expecting him to know why he does it?

Thanks so much MJI .... I've put your blog in my favourites. I love the comments from your Mum and Dad!

I find I am generally pretty good at staying calm.

However when I am exhausted or stressed I get cranky. I try my best but I'm only human.

Thanks again!

Helen