Don't talk to strangers...any ideas for teaching my son?

Post Reply New Topic

My son is the most sociable kid you will ever meet. I think outside of his HFA, he definitely has my husband's genes on that. It's nice because he will say hi to just about anyone, please, thank you, good morning, etc...HOWEVER, I am constantly worried sick that God forbid I or my husband or anyone keeping him lost him, he will go with ANYONE...he's not afraid of anyone...he doesn't care who it is...

Mind you, I do NOT take my eyes of this child...I homeschool as well...My husband, is pretty good...has never really LOST him, but seems to be a bit of a flake sometimes...

Anyway, anyone have any ideas for books, etc...on how to teach him the dangers of talking to strangers etc? In a way, it's a sad day when that's what I have to show my child who so much sees good in people, but at the same time, I must...

He is not fully verbal, so anything with pictures, etc...might help even more...

Thanks!

My regular ed 1st grade pretty much covered that issue with an extensive program and role plays. They had a big slogan "Say NO to strangers."

I think that helped warn me about some cases. I still remained overly friendly to aquaintences of my parents though....

---
edit: funny story: Okay In 1st grade I learned to not trust any strangers who pick me up and grab me. I either took it too literally or I was mad at my dad. Whatever the reason after he picked me up I had a fit and went livid. I shrieked, "You're not my daddy! Put me down!" and I just made a fuss! The police officer didn't take us seriously though. Fortunately for daddy and I we are both redheads. The police officer made a remark about that.

I seriously have some really crazy stories....but are true nonetheless...

it's really hard to explain stranger danger without making your kid paranoid.....i mean, how do you explain that not everyone has their best interest in mind. and that strangers don't all look evil-sometimes they look very nice?

I guess the fact that you say you're watching him most of the time is going to be the most protection for him. If I leave any of my kids on their own (which is hardly ever), I'll always give them a "stranger-danger" instruction when I leave them ie. "You stay here, and you're not to go away from here, even if someone tells you to" etc.

I have always tried to teach stranger-danger without letting my kids know the bad side of it IYKWIM. I was petrified as a child of being snatched or pounced on. We live in a friendly town, and I think it's nice that my kids say "hello" to people we pass when we're walking down the road. A few months ago my 7 yr old AS son wanted to go for a walk on his own down a new subdivision near where we live. I said my usual stranger-danger thing of, "That's fine. But, you have to walk the whole way, and if anyone offers you a ride home, you're not to take it." Son went off, only to come back and fling the front door open after about a minute, and yell, "Mum, if I get really tired, then can I have a ride home?" (! !!).

I don't believe in "stranger-danger". Most crimes and abductions against children are perpetrated by family and "friends". Teaching stranger danger teaches false messages. That strangers are bad and people you know can be trusted. That's just plain bad sense.

It's better to teach about how to talk to people and what actions and activities are okay. You should also go over strict rules and schedules. "Mom always picks you up from school and meets you here." "Never undress in front of people" "Ask permission to touch people, don't allow others to touch you". "Don't blab your address in public."

The problem with "stranger danger" besides giving a false sense of security is that kids may not learn to ask for help from people who are designated to help or who wouldn't harm them. Like asking directions from a cop or a shop employee. It could make them frightened or unsure of chitchat from a stranger.
True predators also know how to manipulate a situation where people feel comfortable around them and don't see them as strangers. They take jobs to be around kids (scout leaders, clergy, teachers, babysitters, etc)

I completely agree with this. We've tried to teach our son to identify a dangerous stranger by what they DO - i.e., try to lure you into their house/car with "come help me find my puppy" - and basically that any adult who tries to get him to do something he knows is wrong is not to be trusted and he should get away and tell someone immediately. I'm not naive enough to think my child - or any child - is totally safe. NO ONE is "totally safe." But it's absolutely true that most evil done to children is usually done by someone they know and trust, often in their family. Use common sense, of course, but don't raise your kids to fear ALL strangers.

Anyone else remember the story of that kid (possibly with AS, but I can't be sure now) who wandered off from his mountain summer camp, and it took several days before he was found, because his parents had taught him to be afraid of "strangers" and so he'd heard the rescuers trying to find him, calling his name, and he HID from them?! For DAYS.

Our whole society is a bit hysterical about "stranger danger," imo. Not that there is NO danger. Just not nearly as bad as what we've been led to believe, and not usually from strangers.

Thanks for all your suggestions...sorry it's been a while and I'm just now responding...
(we're packing, sold our house, in the process of moving out of the country, well, you get the picture...)

Anyway, I agree on that whole "stranger danger" thing...My sister has taught her kids that so much, that they honestly seem to be disrespectful...they won't smile or say hi to ANYONE they don't know, even if it's a party or get together at my parent's house...

I like the idea of the don't touch, don't let them touch you, etc...especially since he's just too darn nice and will kiss and hug anyone who asks for a kiss/hug...hmmm

I believe we have to teach our kids how to be safe, and while their are certain people they do know who may do them harm it is good to protect them from strangers. One tool that has really made it easy to understand for my son is a series of dvds by John Walsh and the lady who invented Baby Einstein. They are called The Safe Side series and can be found at www.thesafeside.com . It talks about who is a safe side person, who is a kinda know and who is a don't know. The concept of strangers is so abstract that my son didn't get it before this and now he yells at his sister when she talks to someone who isn't safe and comes running to tell me. I love that series!!

This is an important issue to bring forward especially for people with as and adhd because else they may end up in trouble.

My 12 year old daughter is totaly gullable so me and her mother has trained her in self defence. And I can guarantee that she hits the groins like a goddamned missile. She even incapacitated her Ju-Jutsu teacher when he was stupid enough to say "give me your best go", naturaly, since he said that she gave him a knee in the groin. I can say I was quite embarrased but he said it, so. It took a couple of minutes for him to move. Okay, I've been accidentaly kneed by my ex when having s*x but if my daughter hadn't thought first a second thought he'd probably been extra gifted with a broken nose.

Also there was a recent murder here with a 15 year old killed by a 19 year old, and that spooked all my three kids. It was just a freak murder, but it alarmed them about a couple of things.

I learned the stranger rule when I was 6 in school but I never followed it. I thought it was a stupid rule because if you can't talk to strangers, then how do you make friends? How do you ask for directions? How would you pay for your stuff? How would you enroll your kids in school? So you have to talk to strangers.

My mother said it was because I was very smart so that's why I thought like that.

I also didn't think there were bad people out there till my parents started telling me and they get mad at me if I take off by myself and my mother tell me someone could come and take and drive up and she show me how'd they do it. I also remember hearing at school to never get in a car with a stranger, never take something from them.

When teaching kids about strangers, parents need to be specific about whom they can talk and trust to if they are lost, if someone else is trying to take them, scream and let another person help them, if they are lost and someone wants to help them, they can talk to them if they have kids themselves. Also when a parents has someone else pick up their child, they need to inform their child someone else will be picking them up and they can come up with a secret word and that person who comes and picks up your child can say the secret word to them and the child will know you sent them to pick him/her up.