Frustrated with school!! !! !

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Hi, I'm gbollards wife and new to wrong planet.

My 7yr aspie, goes to a catholic school, up to now we have been happy with the school but recently I have discovered things which frustrate me.

The short version of my problem is that;

I can't find a replacement tutor for my son and I'm not happy with the school at the moment. I don't know if I should move him to a different school, different type of school, or a public school (are public schools any better?). The class size also feels too big - it's about 28 kids for one teacher. The other option is to repeat him (back to year one) but we don't know how that will impact his friendships. Help !

The long version is below;

Last year we were told that our son was coping with all areas of his school work, except for his reading and writing skills. We were also taking our son to see a special ed teacher tutor on the weekends, but unfortunately she suddenly passed away early this year. Also our sp ed teacher that we had since kindergarten decided to retire at the end of last year.

This year we have had a new class teacher, a new sp ed tecacher, and no special ed tutor. I feel that the school work has changed, there are heaps of worksheets for english, maths etc and also a required ability to write stories, paragraphs and sentences.

We also have a communication book, that goes between myself and the school.

The 2nd last week of term the school had open classrooms, and I always take this opportunity to see how my son is going in the classroom and also go through his workbooks and worksheets. This is when I discovered that worksheets were incomplete, not even started, also his workbooks were incomplete (for example the class were told to colour, cut out 4 pictures, sequence correctly and then write several sentances about each one) my son coloured the pictures and cut and paste them in. (Another example was the class was told a story in which they then had to then write there own account of the story) my son wrote the heading twice, one was rubbed and crossed out by him. In the actual classroom I witnessed my son do the same activity 3 times because it wasn't good enough and he had done a mistake. On the last week of term I collected everything, so I could help and work through all unfinished work in the school holidays. On collecting his books I was told by his teacher that my son is so stubborn and I tell him to do his work but he doesn't. I then asked what he was doing about this he replied that he had kept him back at recess a couple of times but had to stop because he was enjoying this too much.

My husband and I quickly contacted the devl pead and organised an appointment to make sure that it wasn't his medication and to talk to him about my sons schoolwork. The school provided us with a letter saying how much time was given to help him 4 days of 45mins out of class time (not 1 to 1) to help with reading/writing and 30 mins a week of teacher assistance. The doctor has told us that he thinks it is the teacher and that my son needs more help in the actual classroom. He is writing a report so we can give it to the school and set up a meeting with them.

My son has problems with writing sentences and reading (he has just gone up to level 6 readers). I am now collecting his books every Friday so I can work with my son to complete unfinished work on his weekends.

Your situation certainly sounds very frustrating. As to the school options, not knowing what choices you have, it's hard to say what would be best, but 28 kids to one teacher, especially at this age, seems like a very large class. It also sounds like the teacher isn't using the communications book very effectively, if you didn't know about the work sheet situation until you observed in class. If the teacher either has too many students to be able to communicate with you, or is simply not interested in bothering, you have a problem. Since last year, this was not an issue (from what you've said), the problem could be one of this particular teacher, or it could be symptomatic of the greater demands as the students grade levels increase. If it's the individual teacher, you might want to see whether there is a possibility of switching teachers. If it's a product of increased work load due to age/grade level, things are not going to improve - you are going to need additional supports from school. If this school is unable or unwilling to provide them, you need to find another school that will. It's great if the school is trying to work with you, but if they think that all the accommodating is supposed to come from you, your son, and your family, things are going to get harder and harder for all of you. The school has to be willing to modify the work requirements when necessary, recognize your son's perfectionist inclinations, and help him work through them. If his perfectionism causes him to spend two hours to write one paragraph (or sentence!), they cannot expect him to write three paragraphs in one evening! It is not reasonable to expect him to complete all the work over the weekend - he will have no free time at all! He should not spend significantly more time on school work than his peers, unless he is okay with it. If, however, it is causing meltdowns, depression, stress and anxiety, it is counterproductive and may set him up for future school phobia and avoidance. School should distill the essence of the purpose of the assignments, and figure out what pieces would make the most sense for him to complete.

As to keeping him back, from all that I have read and heard, this is generally not something that is supported by any research. Children who are held back do not benefit academically, and the self esteem deficits can be rather destructive.

Last edited by jat on 03 May 2008, 6:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hello jbollard,

Welcome to WP! I've had a few chats with your husband.

I'm a Brisbane Mum of 3 sons aged 9, 8 and 4. The oldest 2 have Asperger's Syndrome.

School frustration - been there done that!

Let's bang heads on a brick wall together.

Last year my oldest son was diagnosed - the school completely stuffed up. I had the Guidance Officer and classroom teacher tell me there was NO way he had Asperger's. I was clearly an anxious mother and my son was picking up on the anxiety.

I came back with the diagnosis. Then the classroom teacher was refusing to put his acccommodations in place. I complained the the Vice Principal who spent hours counselling him.

The school agreed they would move him to another class. The only problem was all his friends were in his current class. So we paid a fortune for our sons' psychologist to come to school (she works at an autism/asperger's specialist clinic). She came out and gave 2 hours education to the classroom teacher, guidance officer and Vice Principal.

It cost a bomb but was worth it. The classroom teacher started cooperating and life for our son and family improved.

Great we thought. Fight is over. Now we can relax.

Then the fabulous Special Ed teacher retired. A new one started. She is a lazy idiot. She decided because my sons don't throw chairs across the room or headbutt the walls they don't need support.

She withdrew support (illegally!) and my boys went crazy. Back to multiple meltdown mode at home. Family life awful! Unfortunately the Vice Principal in charge of Special Ed is disorganised and clueless.

Then the lady who had dealt with the classroom teacher last year came back to the school (she'd been working on a special project). I put in a complaint about the Special Ed teacher.

A part-time Special Ed teacher has taken over care of the boys in the last couple of weeks and they have settled down.

I'm rambling ... the point I'm trying to make is you need to discuss the difficulties your son i having with someone higher up the food chain.

Does your son have an IEP? If he does, it doesn't sound like the classrom teacher is following it.

I would first try to work with the current classroom teacher. Complain to the Principal if dealing with the teacher directly doesn't work.

Then change classes.

I would make leaving the school a last resort. Your son has friends there.

However, I believe your second son has HFA so you want to be comfortable that the school would respond to your concerns.

Good luck with your meeting. I spend a couple of hours getting ready before meetings.

I take in a list of my sons strengths and difficulties. I also have a list asking for what accommodations I want.

As the parent you need to drive it. It's exhausting. It's frustrating. But it's what you need to do for your sons.

By the way, tell Gavin I told him that you need a cleaning lady, weekly massage and a monthly bunch of flowers!

Helen

I can tell you not to put him in a public school. He may go through a super hard time. He sounds like he is experiencing similar problems I did when I was younger. I repeated one grade and it wasn't a bad thing.
I would put him a special school and get him after school help.

I am only saying that because the public schools put me through a hard tine and I wouldn't want him going through that and the kids are mean!! ! He needs more one on one attention. I find it works better for me.

Going back a grade didn't impact my friendships much.

I have had the vast majority of my needs met in public school I live in the US and don't no anything bout aussie schools
The one problem with school and I doubt any but the absolute best schools don't have this problem Schools fall to easily into the cookie cutter strategy
Behavior A = consequence A
Do your work/be respectful or 5 min break (read timeout and I'm in highschool)
Do your work/be respectful or 5 min break (read timeout and I'm in highschool)
Do your work/be respectful or go to dean

no opportunity to talk or deal w/ problems just do what I say or else
then at a later time (read 1-3 days) (after the problem is probably resolved/forgotten) we can talk and fix (provided teachers don't need to change their behavior)

other than that one complaint public school has been a positive experience I have an average of 3 meltdown every 2 months

i'd try to see if you can get him a 1-1 aide....this would be a much better choice than keeping him back a year. of all children in the world, our children really do need to stay with the true friends they have

Hi,
I have a 9yr old AS son and we live in Melbourne, Australia.
J is in a public school (all sorts of probs even getting them to recognise the condition) Finally they see it now, fingers crossed they will implement all they have promised.
The way I understand it (in vic anyway) public schools have more access to school funding than does private/catholic. J reapeated grade 2 last year and I will say this is the best thing I could have done for him socially.. Socially he is behind (obviously) so it helped having him in with the younger kids, this is the first year he has managed to keep one friend, mind you he is in grade 3 now his friend is still in grade 2 (last year was a 1/2 composite class).
To help with J's reading I bought him a leap pad plus writing, he can read with the books and do the activities, this helped soooooo much I would recommend to anyone. J's writing is still extremely poor and he will avoid most tasks that involve writing due to this. He is a bit of a perfectionist, as Im finding most of the kids are.

IMO I would ask the school to do a vineland test, then take these results and go look around at public schools, ask each school what they are willing to offer your son. If the vineland test results arent great this is good because then the public system may apply for funding for him. I would then seriously consider keeping him back prefrebly in a composite class (his current year level and the one behind) this way the new school can either teach to the younger level or to his current, it doesnt have to be set in stone. Im not sure that any school would do this though. This would all be in a perfect world. If its the religious instruction you want him to have most schools can provide this or your local parish priest can provide extra tuition (ours did for my oldest). Anyway good luck with it all, the majority of parents on this board have had school issues.

I'll second that. It has made all the difference with a 1:1 aide for my son--(but it needs to be the rigtht aide for your son!).

equinn

Thanks for all your help, I'll have to let you know how we go at the school when we have our meeting.

Smelena wrote:

I'm rambling ... the point I'm trying to make is you need to discuss the difficulties your son i having with someone higher up the food chain.

Does your son have an IEP? If he does, it doesn't sound like the classrom teacher is following it.

I would first try to work with the current classroom teacher. Complain to the Principal if dealing with the teacher directly doesn't work.

Then change classes.

I would make leaving the school a last resort. Your son has friends there.

However, I believe your second son has HFA so you want to be comfortable that the school would respond to your concerns.

Good luck with your meeting. I spend a couple of hours getting ready before meetings.

I too spend a couple of hours getting prepared for meetings. At my son's school they like to have as many teachers as possible in a meeting with you. This is to make sure you can feel indimadated as well, so I always take my husband with me. For some unknown reason female teachers prefer to talk to males.

I think you have hit the hammer with the nail - we have to put enrolment forms for my younger son who has HFA in by the end of May and that is why it is important for us to get these issues sorted out quickly. If we dont get any resolutions we will be going higher up the food chain and last resort we will change schools

We have an IEP but it only gets done once a year in Sept? Is that normal for most schools?

ster Posted:

i'd try to see if you can get him a 1-1 aide....this would be a much better choice than keeping him back a year.

Thanks for that idea, It is certainly worth asking. Since your post, I have even considered asking if I could be in the classroom with him. I dont know how they would respond to that. My sons school is very ridged in there ways.

jat Posted:

If it's a product of increased work load due to age/grade level, things are not going to improve - you are going to need additional supports from school. If this school is unable or unwilling to provide them, you need to find another school that will. It's great if the school is trying to work with you, but if they think that all the accommodating is supposed to come from you, your son, and your family, things are going to get harder and harder for all of you.

A very validated point made here. I know that the school doesn't expect all of his work to be completed but I also dont want my son to go through school being just great at colouring, pasting and cutting, with an occasional word thrown in for good measure. He needs additional supports besides me helping him with his school work on w/ends.

Our sons have their IEP 1/year. There is an option for a second IEP in the year if it needs updating.

Taking our sons' psychologist to the meetings is great. They can't (and don't) argue with the lady who has her 4 year psychology degree, 2 year postgraduate in autism and works at Tony Attwood's clinic. Plus she's been working with my sons for over 1 year.

Ster's comment about a 1:1 aide is spot on. My second son has 1:1 aide support for PE and a couple of sessions during the week.



I helped out in my sons' classrooms 1 hour per week. I had to stop doing that when I went back to part-time work and my 3rd son is too old and gets bored. It was okay when he was little and slept in the pram.

At our school it is strongly encouraged for parents to help out. There are scheduled times during the week: reading, maths etc and parents are asked to put their name down for 1 hour/week.

Make sure you limit your time. You don't want to give the school an excuse to not provide appropriate support. Also, you need to look after yourself.

You shouldn't have to do all that work with him on weekends. He needs a break from it too!

Helen

It sounds like school is taking the easy way out - they let him "waste" his time at school doing the easy stuff: coloring, pasting and cutting, and let you tackle the hard stuff at home on weekends! If he has fine motor issues, the coloring, pasting and cutting are important, but they are still going to be experienced as more fun that the academics. School should be concentrating on the academics, and if something has to fall by the wayside, it should be the other stuff, which he probably will be happier to do at home (I could be wrong here - you have to assess that for your son). But the main thing is that if they are doing twenty of those things with the typical kids, and he can't do that many, he should be completing however many he can do (three? five?), rather than doing all the coloring, all the pasting ... and then just a word or two. Modifying the work load should be modifying the entire workload, not giving him all of one thing and none of something else. If they give him the whole project, he will be overwhelmed and pick out either what he wants to to, or the first instruction. They need to give him part of the project, and tell him that when he is finished that (one, two), he should let the teacher know and then he can get more. If that means the teacher needs to modify the presentation of the work, so be it. My guess is that there are other children in the class who would benefit by that as well!

ok, i guess i'm going to post something controversial here.....................coloring, cutting and pasting activities do have value in the classroom. these activities work on sequencing skills, fine motor skills, paying attention to directions, reading skills, sometimes math skills ( my daughter's had papers that are color by number, but she has to work out the mathematical equations to get the colors right. for example, color the spaces blue that are equal to the number 5)......actually, i've seen papers that address history and science as well............... it's true that these papers don't work on your handwriting.

Wow! I wish my kids had had multi-purpose cutting, pasting, coloring items! Alas, ster, you live in New England, and I do not! LOL! I think that's why I consider it a good idea to pare down the entire assignment, rather than pick out one portion of the assignment for the child to do (e.g. - do five out of twenty rather than all the coloring and none of the writing). It is important to figure out what the goals of any assignment are before trying to modify it, of course. We had to negotiate carefully with my grandson's teachers when discussing sentences: they want him to write the sentences himself. If he writes them himself, he won't write more than the minimum number of words (amidst meltdowns). If he can dictate, he writes much longer, more expressive sentences. What are they looking for - written expression or handwriting exercise? Both! Aacckk! In any of these situations, a lot of give-and-take with the teachers is necessary, and creative brainstorming about ways to approach things may be necessary. Some of the ideas you come up with may be ones that they've never heard of before (and you've never thought of before)! All of you are dealing with a unique situation which may require unique approaches.

in the end, you have to get the teacher to realize that she'll get better work out of your child if the teacher makes accomodations for your child's learning style/work style