raising a little one my way

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here are some values I'm going to try to instill in Olivia when she's older or even now.

The military is bad and the US should be a neutral country. I'll tell her that if she joins the military, she might have to kill infants and animals because someone told you to. Maybe not directly, (soldier, kill those farm animals and those babies!) but indirectly. If she's ordered to bomb a location or fire a rocket at some building, there might be collateral damage that could hurt, maim, cripple or kill unintended civilians and they include children and animals. And for what? Some agenda the country has that they're not telling the general public even if it's oil, trying to oust a brutal dictator or to get the land from these people. The typical soldier won't know these reasons.

I'll teach her that all life is precious and to kill or hurt another person or animal is bad. The death penalty and torture is wrong.

I know I've been told that I can't be a friend to her, that I need to be a parent. Screw that. I'll be her parent and her friend. We're gonna do so much stuff together like go for nature walks, go on treasure hunts, go fishing, hiking, camping, drives in the country, visiting animal farms and stuff. It'll be great. Heck, she might even want to watch Star Wars with her old man.

Sounds like you're an awesome dad!

well, yeah!

No one wants their child to go to war, peace is always a better thing to teach them

Your daughter's a lucky girl. My father's favorite bit of wisdom was "You can't count on ANYONE, not even your family."

Swear to god, he said that to me all the time.

Probably not a big surprise, then, that I haven't heard from him in years.

Your daughter is a very lucky, fortunate girl.

Just try not to disown her if she still grows up and decides to work for Halliburton or join the DoD or the military.

My brother works at a munitions factory, making "bunker buster" bombs. It sickens me to know my brother is directly helping blow up women and children. I still love him, though. Where he lives, considering his education (not much), it's considered "a good job."

My Subaru and I are both Aspies and he is one of my best friends. No one can dictate the relational dynamics such as that (IMHO). He is only three (almost four) but we are such kindred souls and a great team to boot. We have an unspoken way of communicating.

Please don't make her hate our soldiers.

No, nothing like that. I just want to teach her that killing in the name of "defending democracy" is wrong. Killing itself is wrong.

[quote-"sinagua"]Just try not to disown her if she still grows up and decides to work for Halliburton or join the DoD or the military.[/quote]

I'll never disown her. Not even if the feds find severed half-eaten heads in her freezer.

Last edited by digger1 on 11 May 2008, 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've tried to teach my daughter differently.

I have never taught her that the military is BAD. It isn't.
There are some people in the military, in corrections, in law enforcement, who do bad things to others... none of these institutions are 'bad'.
There are some leaders in any capacity... government, religion, education, etc, who do bad things... none of these entities are 'bad'.

I want my daughter to think critically... not recite angry, emotional diatribes like a tape recorder.

I want her to take the time to 'see' the other side of an argument... not to give it credence necessarily... but to form her opinions based upon as complete knowledge about an issue as she can.

Take Gay Marriage, for example.
She has always been outspoken in support of Gay Marriage. I never instructed her that Gay Marriage is 'good'.
In fact, I have taken the time to offer her my interpretation of what those who oppose Gay Marriage believe.

Going back to the issue of the military...

While she does understand and hear that there are civilians who are killed by the weapons of our military... I want her to understand what happened to cause those deaths. Was it an accident? Was it neglect?
While I can show her some of the atrocities our military has committed, I can also point to many good things our military has done.

When people grouse about how bad the U.S. is (Americans saying that), I try to point out that it's not all of the U.S. that is doing things wrong. Many U.S. citizens stand up and speak up to try and make things better.

When people from foreign countries rally against the 'U.S.', I have been able to find reports and personal stories where those same sorts of people go on to say that they are against the U.S. governement... not the PEOPLE of the U.S.

I know I'm kinda wandering around here, but basically it goes back to what I was saying in the beginning...

I do not wish for my daughter to be one of those people who react emotionally every time they hear or witness something that looks terrible or 'bad' as you call it.
I want her to see the need to find more details before she starts condemning people, establishments, countries, etc.
I want her to use her intelligence along with or even above her emotions.
For me to indoctrinate her into a specific line of reasoning or thinking would be a very sad way to bring a child up in this world.

It is in our children’s nature to be non-violent and with a heightened social conscience. So this will probably be one of the easiest things you will ever teach her. The hard time you will have is trying to explain to her why the NT societal constructs seem to be competition/conflict driven, which really goes back to the clan/tribal based survival benefits of this structure, it has just gotten to be a serious problem as our clans have become larger and more complex and our ability to inflict injury has become more efficient.

As for the soldiers they are not bad, it is just in their nature just as some things are in ours, and portions of society (all world societies reinforce this, with some bringing making this us against then survival issue a major tenant of their societal/religious/nationalistic structure.

bookwormde

I think the best thing we do as parents is to teach our children to think for themselves, and to make it clear that we will love them regardless of the values they adapt, as long as they let us know from who they become that the conclusions were thoughtfully reached. You will set yourself up for a lot of issues if you become too strong about the ideas you hope her to hold. She will rebel and pull against that - it is what children do. But by all means, explain carefully all the why's for the values you hold. But after that you must let it all go. Children, ultimately, choose their own values. They will adopt yours not because you have taught them, but because your actions have allowed your children to respect and see the value in them.

It's your kid, you can teach her what ya want to.
It's her mind, you will find that she will form her own opinions.

I am reminded that my wife and I decided before kids, that we would never beat them,
or force them to eat stuff they didn't like.

Lol. that was before kids.

I would suggest that maybe the military is not bad,
and maybe the us should not be neutral,
as it is the federal governments responsiblity to
defend the nation.

Defend our borders, yes but why go 8,000 miles overseas to police some country that's in disarray?

I totally agree.

But when you are the big man on campus, you don't have that option.

Still, we do have the option to not START wars.

Our soldiers do not make the decisions to fight. That blame lies solely with the politicians.

that's why I'd like to steer her away from a career in the military. Politicians tell you to kill, you have to kill otherwise, you're dishonorably discharged and can't get a job anywhere.

I wish we lived in a world where "world peace" was possible. Sadly, there are dictators everywhere and freedom isn't free. Some say there's a dictatorship in this country right this moment...