Young person going to university

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My 17 year old son wants to go to university next year. His support teacher and special needs teacher have doubts about him coping in halls of residence. His psychiatrist feels otherwise and that it would be an opportunity for him to develop social skills.

There are no Universities close enough to home that do the course he wants to do.

I would appreciate advice from other parents whose children have been to university.
(and young people with aspergers)

Did your children gain confidence and social skills from going in Halls of residence or were they overwhelmed by the experience.

I'm not a parent but I was mostly overwhelmed by my experience of halls, but was overwhelmed by university in general. So you needn't necessarily go by me, as others have got on fine. My first year was actually okish. Most people are not in halls for more then a year anyway. Well at least people who are able to make friends with people so they can house share. Second year on was hell.

I'm not trying to be alarmist but you have be prepared for people to kick you door open just for 'kicks', smear crap all over it, tighten the spring in the door damper so it gets ripped off the wall, bang on the walls and ceiling, break the window above so shards of glass come flying down while your hand is hanging out you window, loud music playing at all hours, drunk/stoned people causing problems, puke and other bodily fluids, getting 'secret admirer' texted as a windup, etc.

Of course that is the worst case scenario and in many respect the psychiatrist could be right, it could be a valuable experience. Just because it was mostly a damaging experience for me (which took some time to recover from) doesn't mean it will be for him. I had other things to contend with such as executive dysfunction.

One of the problems was I moved to a different campus that was just for one department (not even a whole faculty/school). Although it was smaller, which you would think would be good, in actual fact the people there was a lot more pompous and less diverse. Essentially most were from the same elitist background. Fortunately that campus is now closed and they had to mix with everyone else, and be faced the stark reality that they couldn’t park daddy’s Bentley in the cark park without it being keyed. Of course half of them were too chicken to integrate with ‘common’ people.

Some campuses actually have more options. They can divide halls into smaller blocks, and even have some apartment style complexes. There is some 'studio' accommodation that is normally reserved for married couples, and also larger disabled rooms with big en suite bathrooms.

The key thing is he has a diagnosis, so it things start to go bad he could work with the university accommodation and disability services to try and find a solution.

Is there any colleges close to where you live that he might be interested in attending?

There is starting to be a lot of interest in supporting Aspergers students from a number of colleges. They are starting to realize that they are loosing a lot of “customers” due to this lack of support. I have a niece who is sub-clinical and is attending a local state university but staying at home (double major). She is doing well so far (just finishing her freshman year).

What area of the country are you looking in and what area of study is he considering. If it is the mid Atlantic area I might have a good contact for you.

It is an opportunity to expand his social skills but only if he has the proper supports. Otherwise it may be a recipe for problems. I think your psychiatrist is a little naive unless you son is fully independent of supports in his current educational situation and has demonstrated independent living skills.

bookwormde

From what I understand, It all depends on the roommate... If the roommate is ok with the person... or even just semi-nice/decent (or never there).... then that first year where most colleges require students to be in dorms/residence halls is ok.

The college can sometimes give them their own dorm room due to their "disability"... This seems to work the best for most people...

I've never heard of people doing anything as bad as what true posted... but then I do agree that the smaller the campus the worse off it would be for anyone that stands out...

but yes... idiot people do get stoned, drunk and play loud music (at all manner of times) in freshman residence halls... what can be requested is special placement in one of the graduate/senior halls due to AS... they are quieter, because graduate students and seniors actually study... and he is likely to make more friends...

I live just off campus, because I have a cat... and living alone has vastly improved my college experience...

my husband, who's aspie, went to a small university where he lived in the dorms..........he survived. he made friends.......i think some of this depends on what level your son is functioning at. i think it also depends greatly on who he rooms with.

Make sure to get needed accommodation from the office of disability services. From my experience (both as an administrator in residential life & housing and a resident), that's the biggest issue.

A single room might be necessary as well, but start the process early in order to make sure your son gets what he needs.

Im not a parent Im a college student myself. Living in residence halls can be overwhelming for aspies but this shouldnt prevent you from letting him go off to a university. He's going to be within a close proxienmity to people constantly almost all the time. I just finished my first year and the adjustment process first semester was really brutal. Make sure he gets all the appropriete accomidations. Having a roommate might be tough for him, so its probably best for him to have a single but will be more costly and its uncommon for freshman to have singles. Im guessing a quiet dorm would be the best, but if the university has freshman only dorms then the problem is that those dorms are normally rather loud. He might want to be placed in an upper class dorm but that might inpede on him meeting new people

One thing that might be possible is to start off at an local university for maybe a year or two and then have him transfer to a better school. You could still have him dorm but he would be able to come home on weekends for at least the first semester.

As for gaining confidence, it really depends on the person. If he manages to overcome the difficulties in adjusting then he might gain confidence.

I would have been driven insane in 3 days if I ever had to live in a traditional dorm. Off campus apartments were much cheaper, and much quieter.

living in the dorms at my current university probably wouldn't have been too bad though - you get your own bedroom and bathroom, then you share the living room and kitchen with 3 others.

on the other hand, I saw pictures where three boys had chopped a hole in the wall above the bedroom door of the fourth, so they could climb in, unlock his door, and draw on the wall when he was out of town. Their reason for doing it was that they had told the boy not to lock his door when he left, and he had locked it. They did fix the hole for him (it was done in fun, not meanness) but they didn't fix the hole until the before/day of room inspection. Likely they only fixed it then because they would have been kicked out of university and their grades would not have been allowed to transfer to another institution if they were caught

some universities don't let freshmen live off campus

There are a lot of disallowed things that are allowed if you explain the situation.

Or you could always just get the apartment prior to filling out the housing form, and listing the apartment address is your home and saying you are a commuter.

My bfs uni requires freshman to live on campus unless they are commuting from home. he has one friend that staying in a rental property someone in his family owns and has said he's a commuter, which makes him exempt from the requirement

Lodging might be a good alternative if that is available.

A nice 'landlady' who understands the situation could be really helpful.

Becoming the butt of a lot of pranks in halls could make make the whole experience very stressful.

My son (now 22) had a FANTASTIC experience in the halls. He is unusual in that he does not have sensory problems, so the noise of being in a hall didn't affect him.

His experience was positive because:

a) he roomed with a close friend from high school and who attends church with us, so the roommate knew what to expect from my son.
b) this was the first time he had an opportunity to live with GUYS, and he loved every minute of it. Just having a big group to hang out with was wonderful.
c) He had to learn how to give and take. He has a guy on the hall, right next door, who was young (17) and constantly blared his music all hours of the day and night. EVERYONE on the floor wanted to get this kid kicked out of school, because he just wouldn't listen to their repeated requests to turn the music down. Later, they tried a different method, and began inviting the kid out to eat, to play basketball, etc., and the kid eventually learned to keep the music down because the guys were actually NICE.

This was at a religious school where alcohol and drugs are not a part of the usual campus activities. I don't know what things would be like at a non-religious school.

I lived in a dorm room for 4 years of college and didn't have any problems. Biggest issue was messy roommates. The guys on my hall looked out for one another as did the resident advisors. I have a cousin who's more AS than me who couldn't handle living in the dorms. Not sure what exactly was the problem, but he ended up living at home during college.

I would recommend using the experience to find out if your son is capable of living away from home - even if he were to attend school nearby. Chances are he will outlive you and he'll have to figure it out sooner or later.