If only they had said something sooner!

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There have been a lot of posts on here asking for advice on if people should tell friends or family that they have noticed odd behaviour in their children. My answer is Yes! Yes Yes!
Why? because as a parent I knew something was different about my son J right from the get go, but I couldnt put my finger on it. Even after the dx I felt like others thought I was making stuff up, because noone ever talked to me about J's "odd" behaviour. J is 9 the offical dx was given just 10 days before his 9th b'day.
However during a conversation with a friend yesterday, hand flapping came up. (I have had lots of talks with this person and always felt like I was trying to make her see what I could see). My friend out of the blue informs me how her father had commented to her on J's hand flapping, he thought J was a happy little boy because he was chatting about a game and doing this hand thing (Flapping) my friend informed me that she told her dad that J does this all the time, it's his thing. Her mother then asked her if J had american in him ( he has an american accent from time to time, we are Australian) No again its a J thing.
My friend then went on to tell me what a great kid he is, how she has a soft spot for him, he isn't like all the other kids. "He doesn't seem to be like a 9yr old he is more younger". Its great that I can talk to someone about J, however my frustration is, perhaps had she told me this stuff when she noticed it (years ago) perhaps it would have added weight to my own observations and his dx would have happened years ago.
I know its not anyone elses fault, I'm just saying that maybe if someone else had commented on their own observations which as it turns out were the same as mine, I wouldn't have felt like maybe I'm just being a paranoid mother, and I could have gotten some early intervention/services in place.

I find that parents never believe me when I say their child is engaging in autistic behaviour. And when people told me my child was strange, I'd shrug and say I didn't talk until four. So what? And her odd behaviours snuck up on us and we were used to her. It wasn't until she was three that we sought a diagnosis, and then we did not understand what the doctor was saying because he was trying hard not to say she was autistic because he could tell we were excellent parents. She is thirty now, and all of us know a lot more than we used to. Still, it wasn't until my daughter with autism plus was twenty that I realized I had asperger's.

Sometimes parents just don't want to hear that. They deny if without even reading about it or thinking...
They need to get ready for the dx. Not everybody wants a label, as they see it.

I am positive my oldest niece is but her parents deny it saying she can't be because she talks to people.

I complained to the school that they didn't tell me about my oldest son's strong Aspie traits. They identified strong Aspie traits in him in 2004 but did not tell me. It wasn't until my 2nd son was diagnosed in 2007, that I realised my oldest son was also Aspie and had him diagnosed.

They told me they currently have a couple of lawsuits from parents who got offended when they identified strong Aspie traits in their children. Parents found this so offensive, they got the lawyers involved.

Helen

This is my EXACT problem!

I am having breakfast with a neighbor in a few minutes whose son I have felt for a long time has Asperger's. She has been told by a general practitioner that, NO, he does NOT have aspergers. It's so frustrating! He very much shows signs of having it, but I can't come out and tell her, because I think she will be offended. She is the nicest woman, and I feel that she is going through depression because she doesn't understand why her brilliant son doesn't have a relationship with her or her younger son or her husband.

I am in a huge quandry about this. I don't want to be offensive, and the son has much potential. But he has no social skills and my friend has heard many comments from teachers, etc. who have said that he needs to work on his social skills.

I'm concerned that she is going to ask for advice this morning, and I'm going to have to spend all of my time emphasizing the need to work on social skills WITHOUT saying the ASPERGER'S word. And I'm going to have to try very hard to couch everything I say in the nicest, least offensive way -- AND I'M NOT ALWAYS VERY GOOD AT THAT!

Argh!