Help with odd neighbors

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I hope this is in the right spot, but it may not be. Sorry.

We have some of the oddest neighbors. About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I found one of them, a man of about 25 years, climbing my tree about 3 stories up, playing with his sons. This tree is not in the best of shape, it needs to come down but can wait for a bit. This is not the first time he or other people have treated our land like a park. I told him to get down, the limb was begining to bend. He did not listen, said he thought I was talking to his kids. I got mad and repeated myself, several times before he came down.

He got angry and said his kids could not play with my kid anymore and stomped off. In a huff and with great flounce. Heh.

My youngest son is an Aspie, or more commonly known as on the Autism spectrum. Between this and the cruddy neighborhood we live in, his choice of playmates is very, very slim. So we were tickeled when he developed this relationship with the Aspie kid of this next door neighbor.

I have noticed that he is always going over to his friends house, even though we have a play room with trains and tv and video games. Much fun. As I was speaking with my son tonight, I mentioned this to him. He reminded me of the tree incedent and how the dad said they could not come back. Wait, what? The supposed adult is still not allowing his kid to come over to play but has no problem letting his dog roam my land?

Question is this. How do I handle this? What do I tell my 10 year old Aspie kid? That he can play over at his friends house? I don't mind it, but I don't trust the dad at all.

I want to punch the guy, but I am supposed to have compassion for all, even the ones I really dislike.

The 10 year old really does not need to hear too much of anything that is going on.

Do I keep him from going over there as much? Not so much over the tree thing, but the dad has yelled and really scared my son before.

Would making certain my son was never there once the dad got home be a good solution?

At this moment, I am feeling very mean and just not letting him play with their kid at all. *headdesk* But that would solve nothing.

I'm completely lost.
This man got mad at you because you told him to get down off your (dangerous) tree.
Okay?
Then he said that his kids couldn't play with your kids.
Right?
Now the part where I'm lost is where you're asking if it's okay to send your kid over there?
Is that what you're asking?
If this nutjob said his kids can't play with yours, then why would you think it's okay to send your son over?

I don't know what kind of neighborhood you live in but if he can't let his dog on your property and he shouldn't be climbing your trees. If you know that it's a dangerous tree and he hurts himself, you could be sued/held responsible for his injuries.

This man doesn't really sound safe and I wouldn't allow my son to be alone with him or in that house.

I did ramble, didn't I?

The neighbor rents and we own a small piece of acreage. He lets his dog roam our land but won't let his kids here.

As for the tree, we have taken down 15 tress so far and that one is just way down on the list. It is not dangerous unless you are 140 pounds and climb the thing. There are others that are more dangerous that need to be taken care of first.

I am so frustrated with him over this.

The question is, what do I tell my kid about this? I really don't have a problem with him playing with these kids. It is the dad that creeps me out and I don't want him around my son.

How much to tell my son?

Yeah, I wasn't meaning you should cut the tree down for safety reasons. I was saying that this man should be forbidden from performing "stupid human tricks" on your property.

I would just tell your son that you don't think the "house" is safe for him to play in anymore. You could refer to the tree-climbing incident as an example. I wouldn't elaborate on "creeps" because that's your own feeling based on all sorts of inexplicable factors.

You say you're in a 'cruddy' neighbourhood so I'd be wary of letting your son over there, maybe you could ask your son what he does while at this man's place?

I'm on a small acreage too and I have neighbours who treat part of my property as though it were theirs. It's bizarre - I've only been here a few months and I've had to tell them off about it. I joke about with friends that they (the neighbours) treat me like I'm their tenant (I own my property).

....some people you could whack 'em over the head with a length of timber and they'd still keep on coming. I've dropped lots of hints with these neighbours but they choose to ignore them, it seems. They're older people, retirees, maybe they're a bit senile or something. Overbearing and overinterested is how I would describe them. ugh.

Well, if you don't put up a fence, what do you expect?

my property is fenced. barbed wire. the old geezer next door had a piece of plastic tubing with a slit cut in it place on the fence so he can climb thru more easily.

Wonder why he finds your property so attractive?

It's bigger than theirs, more striking outlook, he's bored (retired) and has too much time on his hands, at first it seemed ok - he helped me with stuff like burning off and he slashed (mowed) my fields for me, (they got stuff from me in return) but ugh, it aint worth it. I've told them not to come onto my property without my permission, but I won't be surprised if they ignore that.

It's very sad to be elderly and lonely and bored so please have a little patience with this old fellow.

I ran out of patience a while back. They're not lonely - he's married, they have a circle of friends, a boat and they eat out once a week.

They're not my problem.

Yes, I see that. But obviously he still has a gap in his life. I suppose you could put up a keep out sign but it looks as if he might not take too much notice anyway.

The fence that circles the property has never stopped a one. I watched two very drunk neighbors climb right the fence, knowing I was watching them the entire time.

Others have claimed, 'What fence?' Oh, the six foot one you have managed to push down.

Believe it or not, the younger people in the area and kids show more respect than grown ups.

Thank you all for your advice. I think I will still allow him to play there as long as the dad is not around. I will find other kids for him to play with too.

But I just don't feel that my son is safe over there when the dad is around. I always go by my gut on this one.

I really understand how you feel about your son having limited people to play with. It stinks that you have to basically take what you can get (within reason and safety) in the way of playmates for our kids.

Kris

Absolutely. It's the best tool you have!