Do any aspies here have children?

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I ask because I do. My daughter was born about 7 weeks ago. Her mother is NT.

Do any aspie or ASD parents here have tips on how to relate to children generally, or their children in particular?

I have five children.
You will want to read the stickies at the top of the parenting forum. Some great advice is there.

Yep, there are plenty of parents here.
On relating to kids in general - I do that better than to adults. On my own kid specifically, I had no problems whatsoever. I'm not overly fond of other people's kids, but I understand them.

Definitely read the various forums. And remember, no set of parents/child(ren) are the same as any other, regardless of neurological labels affixed.

My husband is AS and he has a great time with our AS son. He passes both kids on to me at times, when his sensory needs conflict with the realities of being with the kids but, overall, he has had a great time being a father, even though he often worries he is miserable failure at it (take note, NO ONE is a perfect parent, regardless of how it looks from the outside, so don't let the areas you have trouble with defeat you. My kids think they have the best dad in the world. Knowing when to let the other parent take control of a situation can help).

Just for reference, it is quite normal for fathers to feel a bit left out in the infant years, or unable to relate as well. That changes over time, trust me. You just have to let time and nature take it's course.

Meanwhile, love your child, love your wife, and enjoy the positives of this new life, while doing your best to deal with the negatives.

I'm an aspie with 3 kids. I relate easier to the boys, oldest is also an aspie. My daughter is 6 and presumably NT, for the most part, though she does exhibit some strong signs of Sensory Processing Disorder. I find that I don't always get her, really. But I understand my aspie (8 yrs old) and the baby the most.

_________________
~ Carrie
It's just me and I'll find a way to make it (Blue October/It's Just Me)

hubby is aspie. we have 3 kids. he actually relates better to our boys than i do, these days ( the boys are in their teens....)

Sylvius,

The parents forum here is full of aspie parents.

Don't worry about the disconnection. It's possibly a bit aspie but it's also a lot "father".

You've got to remember that the mother has had 9 months of getting used to the new baby and that the new baby will cling to her more than you - at least for the first few years (unless your wife has post natal depression).

So... how to bond

As soon as your wife is prepared to bottle feed (even if she expresses milk - you can buy machines for that), get her to take a day off and go somewhere fun. She'll need a break by then. Make sure that she leaves you a list - ie:

if she cries,

1. Check Nappy
2. Try Milk
3. Try Cuddling/Rocking
4. Try sleep.

and also suggested feeding times.

Then just curl up on the lounge with your newborn and watch some TV while talking to her.

If you do that for one day a week, the bonding will happen automatically.

Oh, and don't expect anything interesting to happen until after the first 3 months

Good luck.

That's a good post, Gavin.

If the mother does not bottle feed, you can still connect with the baby. Just do what Gavin said, minus the bottle.

I do not bottle feed so my husband will take the baby and play with him or just hold him. It means I can get a shower or run to Starbucks for a coffee if I want or take a much needed nap.

_________________
~ Carrie
It's just me and I'll find a way to make it (Blue October/It's Just Me)

Yup, count me in too! A housefull of aspies here. Me, Hubby, 10 y/o DD. We have 2 adopted children too, but my 6 y/o son has MANY ASD traits and a dx of mild retardation and many sensory-issues with both kids probably due to the methamphetamine they were exposed to in b-mom's uterus screwing up their dopamine receptors. We also have a nearly 10 month old foster/adopt baby and will be signing the petition for adoption papers TOMORROW! WOOT! Hopefully we'll finalize before his birthday. I have ALWAYS loved little children. I would adopt 10 more over the next 10 years if I had the $, space, time, and energy. LOL! We do stand a good chance at adopting the baby's younger sibling that's currently still "baking" in b-mom's oven while she sits in jail. She gets out soon, but she has a long history of drug abuse, neglect, and has had 4 children taken away by CPS already. IF the social workers ask us if we want the baby, then yes, we'll take it. They usually try to keep siblings together if possible.

As for bonding with the baby, etc, just hold her, snuggle her, lie on the floor with her as she plays with a floor gym or whatever, let her nap in your arms while you watch a movie with your wife. Give your wife a break and take on baby duty and send her out to do something for herself. She'll love you for it and it will give you one-on-one time with your baby.

I find it very easy to understand and relate to children. You just have to get down on their level, participate in the things they like to do- with them, read to them, explore the rapidly growing curiosity of babies and toddlers with them, expose them to new things. As far as a 7 week old, well, she's just on the verge of an explosion of development that you'll see begin in about a month. She'll gain more control of her hands, she'll grab things, shake things, feel and touch everything, explore textures, etc. Then before you know it, she'll be crawling all over the house, pulling pots and pans out of kitchen cupboards, become obsesed with pulling your mouse chord out of the computer(hehe, my little one does this), she'll be next to you, playing on the floor, you turn your head for a moment and BAM, she's gone- who knows where, probably trying to pull that dang mouse chord out again. LOL!

Just enjoy her for now. She is at such a precious age and stage. Jordan was placed with us when he was 6 weeks old, our first "little" baby since I gave birth to my daughter who's 10. The older adopted kids were 4 and 7 months when we got them.

I have fed her, and I do read to her (she watches the book as I do it - it's the same way I learned to read). And I like her (which is a bit odd - I quite dislike other children). Her mother thinks I'm better at soothing her than she is - I suspect because I'm aware I don't know what I'm doing, so I methodically go through a checklist each time until something works, whereas she'll to to figure out what the baby wants (even though rationally she knows the baby isn't really able to communicate).

This advice about getting down to their level sounds like the adivce I get from NTs, but I don't see how that can work. I mean, her point of view isn't knowable to me, is it? This is the same reason I can't relate to adults; they have some perceptual starting point with which I'm unfamiliar. I've always lacked empathy (I have a theory that NTs also lack empathy, but they project their own feelings on each other and that looks like empathy to them because they're all relevantly similar).

But I will spend some time with those stickies, and thanks for letting me know (they looked more like they were meant for parents of aspies, not aspie parents).

I am under the spectrum and I have 2 kids. My daughter is not under the spectrum but my son is. He is developing similar to the way I did apparently, and he has the added bonus that I never did with getting therapy.

I'm not a parent, but I was watching my cousin a few years ago, and she was extremely young (still breastfeeding). They'll latch on to any breast, even one that's not enlarged or producing milk. Doesn't matter the gender of the person who's breast it is. Quieted her right down. (it was summer,　and I didn't have a shirt on, since I was staying around home right then.

I am a self diagnosed AS mom of 3. I have never liked children before mine were born. It took me 6 wks to really love my firstborn. In the hospital, when referring to my newborn son, I called him "it" and my mother was horrified. I was a dutiful, attentive mom but the emotions took awhile. With the next 2 kids, the bond was immediate. We still laugh about "it".